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Reading the Tea Leafs: Luke Schenn

Following on the success of two other dormant series Chemmy and I have decided that in order to fill the gap in NHL news that we'll take a look at each of the current Leafs, possible Leafs on the Marlies, janitors, marketing interns and prospects. We'll recap their performance last year, what we can expect from them,  and how they can win our hearts (hint: signing the contract was a good first step...unless your name is Bryan McCabe Ian White). We have no idea how long of a series this will end up being or how consistent it will be but with two of us expect it to only be half as half-assed and twice as timely. 

     

Don't make Luke Schenn angry. You wouldn't like Luke Schenn angry. What's Russian for "Dear God, he's killing me. Please spare me."?

Star-divide

Contract Status (according to NHL Numbers)
$850K salary, $1.25M cap hit, RFA July 1, 2011 (hahaha just kidding, this kid is going nowhere)

Age (as of October 1, 2008)
18 - November 2, 1989

NHL Seasons
Zero - Soon to be nine games (and only nine games)

Run of the mill stats

Former Leaf he'd have to play like in order to be christened a deity
I'll defer to 1967ers on this one. I don't think the Leafs have ever had a defender as good as Schenn could be unless Salming, Horton, Barilko, Kaberle, and Yuskevich were ever cloned into one body.

Alternate reply: he's already been christened but it won't matter because his ministry continues in the WHL for now.

Biggest Question Marks
How will he do in his nine game stint against the full squads of some very good teams?

2007-2008 Summary
All you have to know is that years from now June 20, 2008 will be celebrated across the country to mark the day that the Leafs' franchise said that it would not go darkly into the night, that it would fight for its right to win Stanley Cups, and that Luke Schenn, the Son of Wendel, was delivered to a fanbase that thirsted for such a star. An old and wrinkled Luke Schenn will be asked to come out to show his success as he waves his quintet of Stanley Cup rings in what is known as the Five Fingered Salute. But let's not get ahead of ourselves although we basically already have. What's the kid going to do this year?

Projected 2008-2009 role/team
Ron Wilson is rightfully worried about damaging his stud prospect. Too much too soon in the bigs could damage his confidence and crush a budding superstar. Too much time in the WHL could cause the development of bad habits that will hinder Schenn for the rest of his career. The solution? Nine games in the NHL.

Why nine games? The basic reasons are so simple that even The Omen eventually managed to clue in to them: it is vital to keep Schenn on his entry level contract for as long as possible in order to a. have players overperforming on their contracts and b. delay his RFA/UFA status by a year.

Why not just send him down to the WHL now? Here's where The Omen's vision clouds because there is no cheap shot to be taken. These nine games, along with the first nine pre-season games, will allow Ron Wilson to deploy Schenn in a myriad of situations. All the while he has been explaining to Schenn exactly how he wants him to play in all of them. Armed with that knowledge, Luke can return to Kelowna with a clear game plan on what he needs to work on in order to win the Calder Trophy next year. It's not rocket science. Everyone here figured it out in short order.

So enjoy these first nine games, pray that Fletcher can stay the course, and count down the days to Opening Night 2009 when Schenn slowly makes his way to the blueline for the National anthem that will kick off his 20 year career as a Leaf.

Poll
Who do you want to see Luke lay out in the first 9 games?
Alex Kovalev
33 votes
Henrik Zetterberg
11 votes
Vinny Lecavalier
3 votes
Chris Drury
4 votes
Other (please specify)
21 votes

72 votes | Poll has closed

Comment 65 comments  |  3 recs  | 

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Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 3:08 PM EDT reply actions  

El Coolio

Except they block Facebook at work too!!! Bunch of commie bastards.

And c’mon, who wouldn’t want to mangle Kovalev’s pretty face?

"God's in His heaven. All's right with the world." - Robert Browning (1812-1889)

by Winkle on Oct 7, 2008 3:13 PM EDT up reply actions  

a favour?

Will you digg My facebook if I buzz YouTube?

/simply could not resist another one of these

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing

by loser domi on Oct 7, 2008 3:16 PM EDT up reply actions  

Where’s the Daniel Alfredsson voting option?

Is that just too obvious?

by article1 on Oct 7, 2008 3:17 PM EDT reply actions  

Personally, I don’t know if any hit could surpass the Bell one but I’d like to see Schenn try.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 3:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

You can’t have too much of a good thing.

by article1 on Oct 7, 2008 3:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

How crazy is the ACC going to be on 10/11 if Luke is on the starting line as the players are announced? I’m hoping to see something akin of the SJ minor earthquake. The announcers thought the crowd was so loud it appeared that the rafters were swaying. Turns out both were true…

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions  

Every single Ottawa Senator ever, even Patrik Lalime

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Oct 7, 2008 3:25 PM EDT reply actions  

Especially Brad Marsh.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

What i’d really like to see would be some form of chain reaction where he went through the whole Sens lineup one after the other like an unholy game of Tetris.

by article1 on Oct 7, 2008 3:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

Maybe he can do a flashback and dive into the sens bench a la Darcy Tucker.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 3:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

Crowd surfing!

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing

by loser domi on Oct 7, 2008 3:39 PM EDT up reply actions  

Other

would have to be Alffy. In Mark Bell’s honour.

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Oct 7, 2008 3:26 PM EDT reply actions  

All of the above

That would be the correct choice…

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 3:27 PM EDT reply actions  

Other:

All breathing players on opposing teams.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Oct 7, 2008 3:32 PM EDT reply actions  

and any underperforming Leafs.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 3:33 PM EDT up reply actions  

Ummmmmmm…. Might make for an interesting injury report.

“Today the Leafs called up every Marlies player after Luke Schenn destroyed the squad in retribution for the performance against Detroit last night.”

by article1 on Oct 7, 2008 3:37 PM EDT up reply actions  

no pressure

on Luke’s shoulders, eh.

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Oct 7, 2008 3:55 PM EDT reply actions  

None whatsoever

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 4:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

Can Schenn go and lay out Jason Allison? I’m sure he’s almost to the dressing room door by now. God damn. Jason Allison and JFj had a nicce romp in bed one nite and dreamt about how they could destroy us. I swear it. I heard it on ’net!

by Kobra29 on Oct 7, 2008 3:59 PM EDT reply actions  

Who’s Schenn? And Wendel? I’m confused. Where’s Belak? Go Leafs?

by lordosis on Oct 7, 2008 4:20 PM EDT reply actions  

Go Leafs

Go with your gut instinct!

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 4:37 PM EDT up reply actions  

Only

If it involved Kerry Fraser

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Oct 7, 2008 4:39 PM EDT up reply actions  

On the AP exam (it’s an exam for a class you take in high school that you can apply for college credit if you do well) english test, there was a ten page excerpt from some really dry british book. It was supposed to be stuffy upper class “humor” of the sorts that steel magnates at the opera could laugh at in the 1800s. I read the first two sentences before rendering my essay. The only thing I wrote was:

I would rather be either party to a murder suicide than continue reading the passage distributed with this exam.

I placed ahead of 20% of all respondents.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Oct 7, 2008 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

awesome

I wish I had the guts to do that on some of my exams.

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing

by loser domi on Oct 7, 2008 10:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

It’s nice to see you have such nice things to say about one of my boyfriends.

Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.

by Wrap Around Curl on Oct 7, 2008 4:26 PM EDT reply actions  

He’s a likeable guy.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 4:37 PM EDT up reply actions  

One!?!

I’d have thought Luke would be all the man any gal could handle… ;P

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 4:45 PM EDT up reply actions  

I have many boyfriends.
It’s skill.

Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.

by Wrap Around Curl on Oct 7, 2008 5:13 PM EDT up reply actions  

If he could smash out Kovalev that would be awesome. He’s a crafty bugger though. A sneaky effing russian, to paraphrase a fav film of mine..

by LeafFanInVan on Oct 7, 2008 4:44 PM EDT reply actions  

Yeah

I just don’t like Kovalev. I hope someone gets him next.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

Heavy is good, heavy is reliable. If it doesn’t work… you can always hit them with it.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Oct 7, 2008 4:51 PM EDT up reply actions  

But…Seeing how yours has REPLICA written down the side

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Oct 7, 2008 4:55 PM EDT reply actions  

That’s why I always buy authentic jerseys.

Pension Plan Puppets*
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by Chemmy on Oct 7, 2008 4:57 PM EDT up reply actions  

Suggestions?

I just realized my jerseys are obsolete. Tucker, Domi, Roberts, Sundin. What to do what to do…?

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 4:58 PM EDT up reply actions  

My jerseys pre this season were:

Tucker
Sundin
Belak
Wellwood

Ask somebody else for advice.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Oct 7, 2008 5:01 PM EDT up reply actions  

Wellwood?

That list is like a “pick the one that doesn’t belong…”

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 5:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

Chemmy Curse

Buy a Tanenbaum and Peddie jersey.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 7, 2008 5:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

I just stick with Leaf Legends, Gilmour, Clark, Sittler etc

next on the docket, Salming

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Oct 7, 2008 5:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

Dougie

I forgot, I’ve got his as well, all be it from a smaller day and age. It fits, but it’s looking more like Fat Guy in a little jersey…

I’m liking Hagman, and he’s signed for a few years. I’ll go with Schenn if he stays past nine games.

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 5:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

I went with this:

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by Chemmy on Oct 7, 2008 5:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

Looks Good

I’m going with a third jersey look this year. I’ve got three in white, two in blue.

Jared – Good call, maybe I’ll shame the rest of my collection and get a mid 80’s jersey with #17…

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.

by blurr1974 on Oct 7, 2008 5:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

Agreed

I like the third jersey, did not like the new Reebok crap last year but the Reebok third jersey looks respectable and that may be one to consider when I get some funds in my wallet again.

"God's in His heaven. All's right with the world." - Robert Browning (1812-1889)

by Winkle on Oct 8, 2008 8:22 AM EDT up reply actions  

Yeah. The only named one I have is a Sittler jersey. Vintage is good.

Traditionally, I’ve been wary of getting the jersey of a current player cos it’s a bit of a waste when the guy leaves and you’re £60 out of pocket. Traditionally, I’ve always been poor too. There may be a connection.

I’m totally getting a Schenn one when he’s here to stay though.

by article1 on Oct 7, 2008 5:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

There must have been some kid out there who ended up with a Rob Pearson jersey. Man, that would have been a crappy Christmas morning. I wonder if one can find out how many jersey’s every Leaf player ever has sold. Who’s got the most obscure jersey ? My only one’s a #17 with the ‘C’.

by Mirinov's Nose on Oct 7, 2008 5:24 PM EDT up reply actions  

At the game against Detroit I saw a Leaf fan in a Lindros jersey. Another woman was wearing a Sullivan.

by koopa kid on Oct 7, 2008 5:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

Really?

I’m probably the only person ever to rock a Domi with the captain’s C. we should be friends, or at least some sort of club.

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing

by loser domi on Oct 7, 2008 10:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

A Sundin jersey

will never be obsolete, my friend. You have the jersey of the greatest Toronto Maple Leaf. Ever. Frame it. Hang it on your wall. But, please, don’t call it obsolete.

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Oct 7, 2008 9:38 PM EDT up reply actions  

Contentious issue

Since Sundin hasn’t officially retired, the topic of greatest Maple Leaf will have to hold for now. And I realize most of us went through this issue when he surpassed Sittler on the all-time point list, but Sundin as the greatest will not be met without controversy.

This is a difficult topic, considering the Leafs (and Rangers, but they stink) don’t have that one all-time clear and present greatest franchise player like other teams do. I wouldn’t argue Sundin being at the top of the heap, but there are lots of arguments for others and a few against Sundin, too.

This, of course, may be a moot point when Schenn is on board. I would assume he wins by default as he destroys everyone in the league by his mere presence, de-virginizes nuns merely with a wink, and curing the world of disease, including being a fan of the Ottawa Senators.

by bkblades on Oct 7, 2008 11:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

Mine's blank

No name on my jersey, was too cheap to shell out for one with a name but I am thinking of putting a name and number on it, probably put on Sundin’s since he is the most recongizable Leaf for me (I have only been watching hockey seriously for about 10/11 years anyway).

Although 2 years back I nearly ran out to buy a Habs jersey and was going to put Raycroft’s name and number on it after his atrocious final game of the season… its a good thing the Leafs squeaked out that win otherwise I really would have no choice but to do that.

"God's in His heaven. All's right with the world." - Robert Browning (1812-1889)

by Winkle on Oct 8, 2008 8:16 AM EDT up reply actions  

I have

A Potvin jersey and a Tucker shirt. I’ve tried to get the classic 80s jerseys off EBay a few times without success.

Besides his development, I want Luke to go down so I can go to Giants games when Kelowna is in town, wear my Leafs jersey, and cheer for OLAS (Our Luke and Saviour) the entire time.

by Godd Till on Oct 7, 2008 5:57 PM EDT reply actions  

I’ll be doin the same!

I hope Schenn sticks with #2.. I’d get his jersey

by LeafFanInVan on Oct 7, 2008 6:13 PM EDT up reply actions  

I do too and so would I.

I also had a sweet Bill Berg #10 in high school. I wonder where that went.

by Godd Till on Oct 7, 2008 6:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

My dad had a Macoun and an Ing, back in the day.
I asked him where they were at, and he responded with a shrug and an I’dunno.

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Oct 7, 2008 6:24 PM EDT up reply actions  

I was actually jealous of a friend that had a Greg Terrion jersey when I was like 10 or 11…

For those of you born in the 80s.

Terrion owns a gas station in Marmora (or at least he used to in the early 90s).

A life-long Toronto Maple Leafs fan comments on the team, the media and the exasperation...http://bitterleaf.blogspot.com

by mf37 on Oct 7, 2008 8:21 PM EDT up reply actions  

Valk

fackin rules.

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Oct 7, 2008 9:37 PM EDT up reply actions  

Greg Terrion? Marmora? Jealousy? 10 or 11? I am so confused

by NORTE on Oct 7, 2008 9:26 PM EDT reply actions  

I want to get a signed Joseph jersey. And a Potvin, Potvin is love…

So when do I start work?

by GerbersAdvocate on Oct 7, 2008 10:10 PM EDT reply actions  

I live

about a half hour’s drive from Keswick, Ontario where Cujo is from and he is sighted in my town quite frequently

funny none of my friends and I ever thought about getting his autograph…

"God's in His heaven. All's right with the world." - Robert Browning (1812-1889)

by Winkle on Oct 8, 2008 8:20 AM EDT up reply actions  

Welcome

Thanks for joining and awesome avatar.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Oct 8, 2008 8:51 AM EDT up reply actions  

I would like to see him cripple Daniel Alfredsson.

Aren’t I nice.

www.sportzchat.com

by Linix129 on Oct 8, 2008 6:11 PM EDT reply actions  

Then you came to the right place.

Though if you really want Alfie crippled you’d just hope Dany Heatley offers him a ride home some time.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Oct 9, 2008 10:03 AM EDT up reply actions  

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