Jared Cow Cow

by Wrap Around Curl on Nov 18, 2008 5:58 PM EST

Editor's note: Wrap Around Curl offered to write about Jared Cowen, currently projected to be a top five draft pick, for us. Enjoy! - Chemmy

Jared Cowen is big. And eats babies for breakfast. Ok I made the part up about the babies. He probably eats ten pound bags of Froot Loops, he is young man of distinct tastes and cannot resist Toucan Sam. Slabs of bacon every morning keep him agile on the ice and fuel his protection of my darling goalie Dustin Tokarski...

Seeing Cow Cow play is something amusing, because he is paired with the Chiefs smallest defenseman; Jared Spurgeon. The Jareds by size? Well Cowen is 6'5, 218. Spurgalicious? 5'9, 170. Their playing together tends to have me in the giggles. Cow Cow glides around, like GRR SMASH and Spurgalicious is like grrr smash. It makes for an effective duo oddly.

Here is the WHL ranking for Jared Cowen

And an article to prove he has charm and wit.

Wolfe: OK, let's not beat around the bush, Jared. I have on good authority that you've got a soft spot for Destiny's Child. Do your teammates know that their big, tough defenceman gets his groove on to Bootylicious?

Cowen: (Laughs) First of all, I don't know who your source is because that's not even close to the truth.

Wolfe: What if I told you it was one of your very close relatives, like your sister?

Leafers, can you imagine this beast paired with Schenn?

Cow Cow in 09. Make it happen.

PensionPlanPuppets.com is a fan community that allows members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Toronto Maple Leafs and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editor of PensionPlanPuppets.com.

Tweet Comment 35 comments | 2 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Cowen + Schenn = Crazy awesome defensive pairing of the future

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:02 PM EST reply actions

I don’t know, he may be a great defenceman, but I read that article, and he seems to like Nickelback. That’s one hell of a flaw, to my way of thinking.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:09 PM EST reply actions

Nickelback tends to be unforgivable I know. But hockey players loveeeeee Nickelback for some reason. I don’t get it.

Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.

by Wrap Around Curl on Nov 18, 2008 6:11 PM EST up reply actions

its Chad Krogers hockey hair, they can’t help it

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:12 PM EST up reply actions

seriously...

i may wash my hands of hockey if that’s the case.

i have a pre-disposed aversion to all things nickelback, including nickelback sympathizers…

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock

by blurr1974 on Nov 18, 2008 6:14 PM EST up reply actions

Me too. Which is why Winkle, with his “I like the latest Nickelback track” is kinda dead to me.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:16 PM EST up reply actions

My friend once asked me what my favourite Nickelback song was, to which I retorted “what one is the shortest?”

I had my witty pants on that day

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:22 PM EST up reply actions

pants?

were you hiding something?

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock

by blurr1974 on Nov 18, 2008 6:22 PM EST up reply actions

ok, boxers, whatever

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:23 PM EST up reply actions

ok...

but for future reference, the correct response to “what’s your favorite Nickelback song” is to punch the asker in the junk.

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock

by blurr1974 on Nov 18, 2008 6:25 PM EST up reply actions

got it

junk punching.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:27 PM EST up reply actions

I prefer junk kicking, hurts more and i dont have to put my hand anywhere near that area

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:29 PM EST up reply actions

man up.

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock

by blurr1974 on Nov 18, 2008 6:31 PM EST up reply actions

Yeah, man up.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:32 PM EST up reply actions

if maning up involves touching other dudes junk, you can have it.

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:34 PM EST up reply actions

Oh come on. You’re punching it and inflicting pain, not rubbing it or caressing it softly.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:37 PM EST up reply actions

yeah, some people get off on pain tho

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:40 PM EST up reply actions

So?

Some people get off on being insulted. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to hurl insults at Habs fans, just because there’s an off chance that one of ’em will like it.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:42 PM EST up reply actions

if it makes you feel better...

you can always say “dude, i’m not queer or nothing…” before you punch them

Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock

by blurr1974 on Nov 18, 2008 6:37 PM EST up reply actions

ill stick with kicking, that way I also dont have to bend down

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 18, 2008 6:41 PM EST up reply actions

Well played blurr, you are the man. No one will tell you that you need to man up today, because you’ve already gone and done it.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:25 PM EST up reply actions

PEOPLE. Let’s bring the thread back to me, ok?

Kidding.

Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.

by Wrap Around Curl on Nov 18, 2008 7:26 PM EST up reply actions

Is liking Kid Rock better than liking Nickleback or Destiny’s Child? I’m too old and cranky about music to know.

by Mirinov's Nose on Nov 18, 2008 7:50 PM EST up reply actions

I see

Well, maybe if we start early enough, we can ween him of this idiotic affiliation.

This just in: Nickelback sucks. That is all.

by Mabel on Nov 18, 2008 6:15 PM EST up reply actions

Well,

Chad Kroeger does have pretty hair, as in he looks like he spends +/- 3 bours to get it that curly messy look. But that’s it

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing

by loser domi on Nov 18, 2008 10:39 PM EST up reply actions

He’s pretty big.. I guess..

by LeafFanInVan on Nov 18, 2008 7:42 PM EST reply actions

that’s what she said.

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Nov 18, 2008 11:28 PM EST up reply actions

Cow Cow is taking over the world

He just overtook MAGNUS in the recent entry draft rankings, now seated comfortably behind Hedman and Tavares. Considering that Burke loves him those big, burly North Americans (holler to LCD Soundsystem there), Cowan seems almost destined to come to the Maple Leafs.

(even though I do prefer MAGNUS, but don’t tell wrap.)

by bkblades on Nov 19, 2008 4:11 PM EST reply actions

she is so going to kick your ass

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Nov 19, 2008 4:58 PM EST up reply actions

SHH

Let’s not bring it to her attention, right?

by bkblades on Nov 19, 2008 5:40 PM EST up reply actions

WRAP!!!!!

BKBLADES SAID MAGNUS WAS BETTER THAN COW COW.

Oh wait, was it a secret?

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Nov 19, 2008 5:45 PM EST up reply actions

PPP, why you go and rat on a brother like that? Do we not bleed the same colour? Do we not feel the same pain when Toskala comes down with a case of Bronchial Raycrofty-itis?

wrap knows I’m kidding.

(Only the audience knows I’m winking surreptitiously indicating my non-truthfulness)

by bkblades on Nov 19, 2008 6:47 PM EST up reply actions