Jared Cow Cow
Editor's note: Wrap Around Curl offered to write about Jared Cowen, currently projected to be a top five draft pick, for us. Enjoy! - Chemmy
Jared Cowen is big. And eats babies for breakfast. Ok I made the part up about the babies. He probably eats ten pound bags of Froot Loops, he is young man of distinct tastes and cannot resist Toucan Sam. Slabs of bacon every morning keep him agile on the ice and fuel his protection of my darling goalie Dustin Tokarski...
Seeing Cow Cow play is something amusing, because he is paired with the Chiefs smallest defenseman; Jared Spurgeon. The Jareds by size? Well Cowen is 6'5, 218. Spurgalicious? 5'9, 170. Their playing together tends to have me in the giggles. Cow Cow glides around, like GRR SMASH and Spurgalicious is like grrr smash. It makes for an effective duo oddly.
Here is the WHL ranking for Jared Cowen
And an article to prove he has charm and wit.
Wolfe: OK, let's not beat around the bush, Jared. I have on good authority that you've got a soft spot for Destiny's Child. Do your teammates know that their big, tough defenceman gets his groove on to Bootylicious?
Cowen: (Laughs) First of all, I don't know who your source is because that's not even close to the truth.
Wolfe: What if I told you it was one of your very close relatives, like your sister?
Leafers, can you imagine this beast paired with Schenn?
Cow Cow in 09. Make it happen.
PensionPlanPuppets.com is a fan community that allows members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Toronto Maple Leafs and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editor of PensionPlanPuppets.com.
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35 comments
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Cowen + Schenn = Crazy awesome defensive pairing of the future
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:02 PM EST
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I don’t know, he may be a great defenceman, but I read that article, and he seems to like Nickelback. That’s one hell of a flaw, to my way of thinking.
by Mabel on
Nov 18, 2008 6:09 PM EST
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Nickelback tends to be unforgivable I know. But hockey players loveeeeee Nickelback for some reason. I don’t get it.
Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.
by wrap around curl on
Nov 18, 2008 6:11 PM EST
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its Chad Krogers hockey hair, they can’t help it
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:12 PM EST
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seriously...
i may wash my hands of hockey if that’s the case.
i have a pre-disposed aversion to all things nickelback, including nickelback sympathizers…
Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock
by blurr1974 on
Nov 18, 2008 6:14 PM EST
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Me too. Which is why Winkle, with his “I like the latest Nickelback track” is kinda dead to me.
by Mabel on
Nov 18, 2008 6:16 PM EST
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My friend once asked me what my favourite Nickelback song was, to which I retorted “what one is the shortest?”
I had my witty pants on that day
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:22 PM EST
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pants?
were you hiding something?
Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock
by blurr1974 on
Nov 18, 2008 6:22 PM EST
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ok, boxers, whatever
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:23 PM EST
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ok...
but for future reference, the correct response to “what’s your favorite Nickelback song” is to punch the asker in the junk.
Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock
by blurr1974 on
Nov 18, 2008 6:25 PM EST
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I prefer junk kicking, hurts more and i dont have to put my hand anywhere near that area
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:29 PM EST
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man up.
Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock
by blurr1974 on
Nov 18, 2008 6:31 PM EST
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if maning up involves touching other dudes junk, you can have it.
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:34 PM EST
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Oh come on. You’re punching it and inflicting pain, not rubbing it or caressing it softly.
by Mabel on
Nov 18, 2008 6:37 PM EST
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yeah, some people get off on pain tho
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:40 PM EST
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if it makes you feel better...
you can always say “dude, i’m not queer or nothing…” before you punch them
Anybody throws me against the boards I'm gonna piss all over myself.
The Left Coast Lock
by blurr1974 on
Nov 18, 2008 6:37 PM EST
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ill stick with kicking, that way I also dont have to bend down
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Nov 18, 2008 6:41 PM EST
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Well played blurr, you are the man. No one will tell you that you need to man up today, because you’ve already gone and done it.
by Mabel on
Nov 18, 2008 6:25 PM EST
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PEOPLE. Let’s bring the thread back to me, ok?
Kidding.
Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.
by wrap around curl on
Nov 18, 2008 7:26 PM EST
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Is liking Kid Rock better than liking Nickleback or Destiny’s Child? I’m too old and cranky about music to know.
by Mirinov's Nose on
Nov 18, 2008 7:50 PM EST
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I see
Well, maybe if we start early enough, we can ween him of this idiotic affiliation.
This just in: Nickelback sucks. That is all.
by Mabel on
Nov 18, 2008 6:15 PM EST
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Well,
Chad Kroeger does have pretty hair, as in he looks like he spends +/- 3 bours to get it that curly messy look. But that’s it
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Nov 18, 2008 10:39 PM EST
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that’s what she said.
A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...
by eyebleaf on
Nov 18, 2008 11:28 PM EST
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Cow Cow is taking over the world
He just overtook MAGNUS in the recent entry draft rankings, now seated comfortably behind Hedman and Tavares. Considering that Burke loves him those big, burly North Americans (holler to LCD Soundsystem there), Cowan seems almost destined to come to the Maple Leafs.
(even though I do prefer MAGNUS, but don’t tell wrap.)
by bkblades on
Nov 19, 2008 4:11 PM EST
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she is so going to kick your ass
A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...
by eyebleaf on
Nov 19, 2008 4:58 PM EST
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SHH
Let’s not bring it to her attention, right?
by bkblades on
Nov 19, 2008 5:40 PM EST
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WRAP!!!!!
BKBLADES SAID MAGNUS WAS BETTER THAN COW COW.
Oh wait, was it a secret?
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Nov 19, 2008 5:45 PM EST
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PPP, why you go and rat on a brother like that? Do we not bleed the same colour? Do we not feel the same pain when Toskala comes down with a case of Bronchial Raycrofty-itis?
wrap knows I’m kidding.
(Only the audience knows I’m winking surreptitiously indicating my non-truthfulness)
by bkblades on
Nov 19, 2008 6:47 PM EST
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SORRY!
I CAN’T MODULATE THE VOLUME OF MY COMMENTS! EVERY YEAR SIX CANADIANS ARE STRICKEN BY THIS DISEASE!
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Nov 19, 2008 10:03 PM EST
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LOUD NOISES!!
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Nov 19, 2008 10:06 PM EST
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I am a bigot
To those who suffer from volume immodulation.
by bkblades on
Nov 20, 2008 1:35 PM EST
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