Last month, long-time Maple Leafs Carlo and Steener were traded to St. Louis for "Top-6 forward" Lee Stempniak.
Today, true to Festivus spirit, I'm here to air my greivances with that very 'top-6 forward', and outline the ways in which he has disapointed me this year.
(image via ivyleaguesports.com - Did you know that Stemps went to Dartmouth?)
First, let me just say Lee: It's not your fault.
Secondly: This has nothing to do with offensive production
You see, Lee, I felt like I knew Alex and Carlo. Maybe not on a personal level, but to the point that I could imagine a scenario in which Steen and Cola get into hilarious adventures with other members of the team. I had big plans for them Lee. BIG plans! Think of how many times I could re-hash a similar joke about Carlo being so injury prone that smoking pot makes him 'green out' and get physically ill, or worry that his brain has shut off and stopped functioning.
But what about YOU Lee? Who do you hang out with? Who's in your locker-room crew? What would you be like if you smoked pot?
Frankly, I have no idea. I haven't seen much of anything personality wise, and I've had a hard time noticing when you're on the ice.
So please, Lee, do me a personal favour and show me something funny soon so I can write hilarious stoner-humour about it.
(wait a tick... Stemps went to Dartmouth, while Burkey and Wilson went to Providence? I smell a rowing compeition! DOUBLE SKULLS!)