Festivus Contest Airing of grievances: Vesa Toskala

Vesa, I want to like you, I really do. You’ve been a great inspiration with your manpurses and Mickey Mouse Shirts and keeping such a pristine crease. I like these things. Now, I know that you are gentle and delicate like a beautiful flower and I don’t want to hurt you, but I need to say something.

Vesa, I can’t handle your inconsistency on the ice. You’re hot and cold good then sucktastic, it feels like you’re jerking me up and down and all around. It feels like when I watch the Leafs play I don’t know which Toskala I’m getting. It gets old and I just end up feeling tired, exhausted and frustrated. I feel seriously drained watching you. It’s just so exhausting I can’t do it anymore.

Vesa, I haven’t given up on you yet. I still have hope that you’ll figure this out soon. I don’t know what feats of strength you should do, because I don’t know what could happen to fix your situation. Maybe all you need is someone to stay up at night and eat ice cream with while you watch "America’s Next Top Model" or something. Yanno, I hear Matt Stajan is in the market for a new BFF….just saying…

But this doesn’t mean I can’t be mad at you. I need a goalie who doesn’t run so hot and cold so drastically I’ll let you sleep on the couch, but NO Starbursts

via assets.sbnation.com

Ok fine ONE SINGLE Starburst, but you have to be able to take off the wrapper with your tongue. That could be kinda fun to watch.