Rumours I inven.... I mean heard today:

by Wendel's Moustache on Jul 11, 2008 12:12 AM EDT

Due to the NHL's stance on Jonas Frogren and some revamped Russian labour laws in the wake of the Evgeni Malkin situation, Omsk will now be paying Jaromir Jagr $4200 per season, under penalty of decapitation should he try to break his contract and return to North America.

Ryan Smyth checked into rehab today. Apparently his religious persona was just a cover for a MAJOR LEAGUE crack addiction. Also he likes hookers.

Bobby Clarke kicked Jason Smith square in the nuts on his way out of Philly, and then charged Smith $12 for a scuff mark that was left on his Italian shoes.

Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke were spotted canoodling at a popular Hollywood restaurant late last night. They were overheard discussing whether or not to adopt a Malaysian baby together. People Magazine will have pictures in next week's issue.

The Leafs convinced Wendel Clark to come back ONE MORE TIME and captain them for the upcoming year. All 29 other teams promptly conceded the season. The Stanley Cup parade takes place this Saturday, July 12, beginning at Nathan Phillips Square at noon.

PensionPlanPuppets.com is a fan community that allows members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Toronto Maple Leafs and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editor of PensionPlanPuppets.com.

Tweet Comment 6 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Great stuff, WM. Can you imagine Clark and Luke Schenn on the same team? It’d be like the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning, and the end… for everyone else that is.

by general borschevsky on Jul 11, 2008 10:21 AM EDT reply actions

well they are both Saskatchewan boys drafted high in the first round, and Wendel was drafted as a defenseman… maybe they should convert Schenn (that’s not based on any sort of potential that I know of for that to work, I just like the symmetry)

THE3TARDS

by Wendel's Moustache on Jul 11, 2008 12:24 PM EDT up reply actions