FTB - (Almost) Sweet Release Edition

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 9:21 AM EDT

I cannot even begin to tell you how disappointing last night's TFC game was...actually, look at who I am talking to...if anyone understands it's you guys (and girls!). Against Montreal, of all teams, they just had to win to become Canadian Champions. They went up 1-0 and the crowd was going absolutely insane and then disaster struck: an equalizer. Of course, TFC has 65 minutes (plus injury time) to get another and were controlling the play but with a Kaberle-like aversion to shooting and a Jason Blake-esque miss by my new most hated SOB Jeff Cunningham in the 89th minute TFC was denied celebrating its first championship in history.

Seriously, Cunningham had the ball in front of an empty net 3 feet away from the goalline and didn't score. It's one of the few instances when you could say "Man, I would have scored that one" about a play by a professional player and would be right. I can't wait to see him join Bryan McCabe on the first thing smoking out of the city. Aaaaanyway....

It looks like our long Leafs Nation nightmare will soon end: Mats Sundin will decide on his future August 1st. About freaking time. So we won't mention it again for seven days. And then we'll get a break until next summer.

Now that that is out of the way we can go on to some links to pass the day. Remember to toss in any that you come across in the comments:

Koopa Kid gives Mark 'The Hitman' Bell his newest targets for the upcoming season. After that hit Bell can play on my Leafs anytime.
The Muppet sees big changes defensively on the back of the hiring of Tim Hunter and Rob Zettler.
Mirtle is decidedly less enthusiastic.
via Kukla's Korner, Dick Duff speaks out on contraction and relocation and the NHL's need to focus on Canada.
And to continue bashing sports I hate: Golf is nothing without Tiger Woods.

Also, be sure to check out some of the great submissions about the Origins of Fandom and add your own to the collection. Also, keep adding fanshots of your favourite Dougie and Wendel moments. Remember, if you like anything that's posted you can recommend it with a single click. Even recs moves the item up to the featured post so show your favourites some love.

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Golf

I think its absolutely hilarious that anyone out there takes golf with any amount of seriousness. I mean I play, I suck, but I play for pure fun, the moment you start to take golf serious is the moment any amount of fun is sucked out of it.
Golf is only fun because your in the sun, your expected to drink beer, you get to destroy a lawn and hit things with a metal implement and you get to drive a golf cart.

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 10:55 AM EDT 0 recs

It’s the only place where you can swear, throw tantrums, tell bawdy jokes/stories and drink and drive. It’s like a Civil War re-enactment for guys that don’t live in the South and are tired of being emasculated by society.

Note: drinking and driving is the only one that should be banned. From real life not the golf course or we wouldn’t see things like this.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 11:10 AM EDT up 0 recs

Framiliar

I’ve done that a few times, sadly that is not me in the video. I would have been standing on the seat giving the devil horns with my free hand

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 11:39 AM EDT up 0 recs

golf

I maintain that golf is not a sport—golf is what real sports players do in the offseason. Then agin, my golf experience is limited to minigolf, which is still awesome.

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing

by loser domi on Jul 23, 2008 6:07 PM EDT up 0 recs

Putt-Putt

Mini-golf is the second best thing to do while drinking. The first best thing is drinking.

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 7:04 PM EDT up 0 recs

No one has mentioned it.

not that I seen at least
Wozniewski has been signed by the blues.

by OMGWTFTML on Jul 23, 2008 11:29 AM EDT 0 recs

Not the best title but it got pushed down by the great videos.

I can’t imagine he’ll play at all but who really knows. Maybe he’ll be the next Larry Murphy.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 11:38 AM EDT up 0 recs

I would not have caught on that that was Woz.

by OMGWTFTML on Jul 23, 2008 12:01 PM EDT 0 recs

Titles

I thought “Blues Catch Herpes”(another Woz nick name round these parts) would have been much better, but then I spend more time trying to title my own posts than actually writing them.

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 12:06 PM EDT up 0 recs

Yeah, we tended to use a number of nicknames from Make-A-Wish (the only reasonable explanation to his Leafs career was that he was in fact terminally ill and part of the Make-A-Wish campaing) to Herpes (because his presence was nagging and apparently incurable until Fletcher showed up) to the Wizard of Woz (because despite being terrible he was magically a + 5 last year)

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 1:15 PM EDT up 0 recs

nicknames

I’m not sure why, but I always felt worse calling him Make-a-Wish than Herpes. With Herpes, I’m making fun of dirty whores, but “Make-a-wish” makes fun of sick kids with cancer, plus Herpes is quite a bit shorter.

Thanks to an announcer’s gaff (I can’t link it right now), I’ll always think of him as Andy “Are you SHITTING me!?” Wozniewski.

by loser domi on Jul 23, 2008 6:00 PM EDT up 0 recs

See I thought very differently. I felt like Herpes was suggesting that maybe Woz partook in unsafe practices while calling him Make-A-Wish made it clearer that I just hate him.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 6:09 PM EDT up 0 recs

A “make a wish” joke involving Jason Blake would be in poor taste, wouldn’t it?

That’s what I thought. OK, never mind then.

Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.

by Down Goes Brown on Jul 23, 2008 7:59 PM EDT up 0 recs

I can't help it

His wish was for a 40 goal season to land him a massive contract

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 8:02 PM EDT up 0 recs

Montreal Impact

is the best soccer team in Canada. it’s a sad, sad day.

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...

by eyebleaf on Jul 23, 2008 1:20 PM EDT 0 recs

Gah. Tic Tac Tabernac who the fuck’s the Impact? – The Canada Cup Champs (I just threw up)

Last night I think I could have led a posse to round up Jeff Cunningham and have him executed in Nathan Phillips Square.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 1:58 PM EDT up 0 recs

I was in Toronto during the SARS scare one summer and I saw two homeless guys having sex with each other in Nathan Phillips Square.

It was like 4:30PM on a Saturday.

Darcy Tucker Fan Club*
* Blog contains less than 2% Darcy Tucker by weight.

by Chemmy on Jul 23, 2008 3:05 PM EDT up 0 recs

easy

And who said Philly was the city of brotherly love?

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 3:16 PM EDT up 0 recs

Holy Crap

You were in Toronto during SARS?

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 3:28 PM EDT up 0 recs

SARS

I lived in Ottawa from 1998 until 2003 and returned to Toronto in May right in the middle of the SARS crisis. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life at that point, and Toronto just unveiled a new slogan: You belong here. For some reason that really meant something to me. I made my decision, found a cheap apartment in Chinatown (not kidding), found a job, and the rest is history. One of the best decisions I ever made.

Thank you SARS!

by general borschevsky on Jul 23, 2008 4:02 PM EDT up 0 recs

Tickets were cheap and I didn’t plan to get coughed on by recent immigrants.

Darcy Tucker Fan Club*
* Blog contains less than 2% Darcy Tucker by weight.

by Chemmy on Jul 23, 2008 4:03 PM EDT up 0 recs

Toronto was completely empty though, it was kind of surreal.

Darcy Tucker Fan Club*
* Blog contains less than 2% Darcy Tucker by weight.

by Chemmy on Jul 23, 2008 4:04 PM EDT up 0 recs

I take it you avoided the TTC…

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 4:11 PM EDT up 0 recs

Like I’d ride the TTC with the plebians? Pfffft.

Darcy Tucker Fan Club*
* Blog contains less than 2% Darcy Tucker by weight.

by Chemmy on Jul 23, 2008 4:18 PM EDT up 0 recs

down with the sickness

I was working security at a emergency ward at the time (all freakin summer) and had to make sure all the patients wore those goddamn masks at all times.

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 4:17 PM EDT up 0 recs

Effectively you’re disappointed that they’re slightly less terrible than Toronto.

/happy to live in a country where the sport is known as football.

/also happy he gets to see Barca tomorrow.

by article1 on Jul 23, 2008 11:03 PM EDT up 0 recs

In a nutshell

Yes but in the sake of full disclosure who do you support in England so that I can call them terrible ;)

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 24, 2008 8:31 AM EDT up 0 recs

Darcy Tucker Fan Club*
* Blog contains less than 2% Darcy Tucker by weight.

by Chemmy on Jul 24, 2008 8:53 AM EDT up 0 recs

For someone who spends much time working out where his readership comes from, I’d have thought you’d know I’m not English.

I live in Edinburgh and support Hibs.

I already know we’re terrible, thanks.

by article1 on Jul 24, 2008 10:32 PM EDT up 0 recs

haha I should have put more effort in!

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 25, 2008 9:14 AM EDT up 0 recs

executed in Nathan Phillips Square.

Woooo, were real soccer fans now!

Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option

by JaredFromLondon on Jul 23, 2008 2:46 PM EDT 0 recs

Almost

Not until we actually start robbing players’ homes when we know they are out of town at games or we start actually executing fans.

But wanting to kill a soccer player is definitely progress.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 23, 2008 3:27 PM EDT up 0 recs

Football is a sport defined by it’s chants.

North America might have great heckles, but ‘Go, Leafs, go’, ‘De-fence’, et al are terrible chants. A sad, sad absence of obscenity and offensive humour.

There’s just nothing to live up to classics like:

“Does she take it up the arse?” – sung to David Beckham about Victoria.

“Does he take it up the arse?” sung to Victoria about David.

“Stand up if you own your club” – The fans (and owners) of Ebbsfleet Utd.

“We’re the boys from the Leith San Siro
We’re the ones that fucked you seven-zero” – Hibs fans to Hearts

“He’s blond, he’s quick
His name’s a porno flick, Emmanuel! Emanuel!” – Arsenal fans about Emmanuel Petit.

“We’re gonna deep-fry your pizzas!” – The Tartan Army in Italy.

“Sign on, sign on,
With a pen in your hand,
‘Cause you’ll never get a job” – Anyone playing Liverpool.

by article1 on Jul 23, 2008 11:25 PM EDT up 0 recs

It’s a shame that TFC fans cannot get a section at the ACC to show the corporate stiffs how things are done. While the result Tuesday was shit The Bunker was amazing and, actually, it was one of those nights that gets the entire stadium standing and chanting. It was great.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Jul 24, 2008 8:32 AM EDT up 0 recs