A Cautionary Tale!
by Chemmy on Aug 26, 2008 1:00 PM EDT
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PrintLadies and Gentlemen,
I'm here to warn you all about the dangers of your children becoming fans of the Ottawa Senators. It may seem harmless enough, it starts with your son or daughter watching Ottawa play on HNIC, but as you'll see following the jump, it can ruin someone's life before you know it!
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I do this for the people.
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Probably not buying NHL09, I’m saving up for some big stuff in my life, and I don’t have a capture card, but if you want to start filming machinima I’d be happy to help you any way I could. :)
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I so want in on voiceing Antro, Pony and/or Vesa
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 5:38 PM EDT up reply actions
AWESOME
It’d be like Red Vs Blue, but with Leafs? Excellent!! I’m in. I could (uhhhhhh) do the (ummmmm) voice of (uhhhhh) Matt Stajan. I think I’d als do a ban up as STeen, Kubina, possibly Kaberle or others. It’d be the awesome!
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
oops
ban up = bang up job
Learn to proffread, loser
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
wtf is proffread
I’ll stop now. Excellent post, Chemmy!
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
It’s happy hour somewhere in the world!
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
This was a great read
Now please don’t hurt my family
:O
Has your family fallen prey to the evil known as ‘acute sensfanitis’?
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
hk goes to school near Ottawa. He and DGB should escape while they still can.
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Special Forces
Should we organize a rescue operation?
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
I’m trying to blink a message to you right now.
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 26, 2008 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions
Ummm...
Wow. That was awesome. Are you going to do the other Canadian teams or is the threat of sens’ fandom the most serious threat to Leafs Nation?
I don’t know actually. I think this’ll become a recurring theme, but I’m not sure if I’ll do other teams, or maybe just Montreal and Ottawa. I’ll probably switch it up from the Jack Chick tracts, maybe lampoon other comic books. I dunno actually.
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Who wants more?
Maybe we can sway him with numbers!
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
In the midnight hour
She cried “more more more”
With a rebel yell
She cried “more more more”
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I was thinking andrea true connection, but rebel yell suits possibly much better. Definitely.
by LeafFanInVan on Aug 26, 2008 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Priase Chemmy
To be a Leafs fan is love, limitless, everlasting and divine.
To be a Sens fans is loathing and misery, and the lowest form of worship.
Please fold your hands and bow your head…
“Dear Lord, give our team the strength that they may overcome their weaknesses and lead us not into dumb penalties but deliver us a playoff spot. Hear our prayer Almighty Wendel, and as we enter the Valley of Another Difficult Season, Lord, have mercy on our souls.”
by general borschevsky on Aug 26, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions
Skateprints
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with Wendel Clark.
Across the sky flashed scenes from seasons past. For each scene he noticed two sets of skateprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to Wendel.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the skateprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of skateprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned Wendel about it:
“Wendel, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d skate with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in Leafs history, there is only one set of skateprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”
And Wendel Clark replied:
“My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of skateprints, it was then that I was busy beating the everloving shit out of Bob Probert.”
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 26, 2008 1:55 PM EDT up reply actions
Nice
That would make a hell of a pin-worthy fanpost…
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
On the one hand, I will go to hell.
On the other hand, I’ll get a pin.
Hmm.
Is it a nice pin?
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 26, 2008 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions
Hell?
Everyone likes to be compared to their favourite hockey player.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
A hockey fan dies and goes to heaven. He starts walking around, and soon he sees this large house that has a Red Wings flag and the number 19 on it. He thinks “Cool, that must be reserved for Steve Yzerman”.
He keeps walking, and he sees an even larger house with a big Bruins flag and a #4 and thinks “that must be for Bobby Orr”. Then he goes by a really big house that has a huge banner with the number 99 and he thinks “Wow, Wayne Gretzky”.
Finally, at the end of the street he sees a huge mansion. The home is made entirely of gold, with acres of rolling hills and fresh lakes. There a massive fountain with its own waterfall, and all the ornaments on the home are encrusted with diamonds. And every surface of the home is covered with Maple Leaf logos, and a massive banner flies overheard with the number 17 displayed proudly.
The man stops a passing angel and says “excuse me, but I was wondering, why is Wendel Clark’s house so much bigger than everyone else’s?”
The angel looks confused for a second and then says “Oh, no, you have it wrong. That’s not Wendel’s house. That’s God’s.”
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 26, 2008 3:09 PM EDT up reply actions
King Wendel
King Wendel said, “Bring me a sword!” So they brought a sword before the King. The King said, “Cut the living child in two, and give half to one and half to the other”
The woman (#2) turned to the King, because her compassion was aroused for her son, and said: “Please my Lord, give her the living child and do not kill it!”
But the other woman (#1) said: “Neither mine nor yours shall he be. Cut!”
The King spoke up and said:“Neither of you shall have the child. I summoned the sword so that the child could be eaten for my supper.”
And thus the wisdom of Wendel Clark
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baby, the other white meat
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 5:39 PM EDT up reply actions
as we enter the Valley of Another Difficult Season, Lord, have mercy on our souls.
I will fear no opponent: For Wendel art with me;
Thy right fist and thy wrist shot, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with blue face paint; My cup runneth over…someday and boy will people hear about it.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of that Dougie and Wendel built forever.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
Chemmy wins the internet.
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 26, 2008 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
bravo good sir, bravo
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 2:04 PM EDT reply actions
for real...
standing O
A Toronto sports blog, where we unequivocally and unapologetically support the home team...
This was fan-freaking-tastic. Well done. And I want more Chick! Surely Kyle Wellwood could teach us all a valuable lesson about the sinful nature of eating timbits by the gross?
That fanshot picture of Wellwood and his gut down by the pool is one of the most clicked links on this site.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
I hear that picture was taken at night, but Wellwood is so pale, he lite up the whole poolside.
He is like a glowbug powered by deep fried mars bars.
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 5:40 PM EDT up reply actions
The AntiSen
Having Wendel appear before them would be particularly terrifying for the Sens since Wendel is in fact the AntiSen. He’d beat the tar out of anyone and his point production actually went up in the playoffs.
This very informative pamphlet was most alarming to me. My mother-in-law turned to the dark side several years ago because she goes to the same church as Mike Fisher and his family in Peterborough. Should I be worried?
You poor soul we’ll hold a candlelight vigil for you immediately.
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I would suggest an intervention with her friends and family showing her that she is not a lost soul.
Maybe show her the sins of her ways through videos of the Leafs’ triumphs over the sens and educating her on the fact that Fisher is ‘born again’ which means he did enough in a past life to have to ‘die’ for his sins. That should take the bloom off the rose a bit.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
Thanks. It may be too late by the time I can arrange an intervention so in the meantime I’ll warn her not to speak to strange men with speech impediments.
by Mirinov's Nose on Aug 26, 2008 6:50 PM EDT up reply actions
that would call for an exorcism
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 6:54 PM EDT up reply actions
Fisher is taking the good fight to the bears, the most soulless of God’s creatures. So Stephen Colbert says, anyway.
by LeafFanInVan on Aug 26, 2008 7:10 PM EDT up reply actions
Anything Mike Fisher stands for, I don’t stand for.
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Ditto. There’s something about hunting bears that I just find so.. distasteful.
I guess if you make bear steaks out of them or something, but then that just sounds kind of nasty. What, you can’t get beef where you’re at? Cripes.
by LeafFanInVan on Aug 26, 2008 7:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Bears are adorable. Especially the kind that maul people.
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Godless killing machines
They’re just waiting for the supply of leaping salmon and trout to run out before they turn their attention to us.
I, for one, will be ready when the revolution comes.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
Bears are delicious, especially when raised on campers and hikers. Makes em tender.
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 7:20 PM EDT up reply actions
The trick is to have the robot rebellion happen at the same time as the Ursine Apocalypse™.
Just hide out for a few weeks and the problem solves itself!
by LeafFanInVan on Aug 26, 2008 7:24 PM EDT up reply actions
If the Robots win...
They’ll make us listen to techno.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
Techno-Viking will save us all
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoejlL1xVfM
Mind the first 10 seconds, someone screwed up the vid.
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on Aug 26, 2008 7:45 PM EDT up reply actions
Mano a Garra
I’m not fond of the idea of bear hunting, especially if the bears are the only thing standing between us and non-stop techno, but I guess when you’re not allowed to dance or play cards you’ve got to pass the time somehow.
What I’d really like to see is Fisher take on a bear in unarmed combat. That would be impressive.
by Mirinov's Nose on Aug 26, 2008 8:44 PM EDT up reply actions
I’m all for bear hunting if it is hand to hand.. Heck, he can even have a bowie knife or something like that. Grizzly would still mess him up!
by LeafFanInVan on Aug 26, 2008 11:55 PM EDT up reply actions
Techno-Viking vs. Toronto-Zanta.
Shirtless-Psycho Street Dance Muscle-Flex Battle of the Millenium
by general borschevsky on Aug 26, 2008 9:43 PM EDT up reply actions
Don’t forget that every Sen fan over the age of ten used to be a Leaf fan, and secretly has an old Wendel Clark jersey stashed in his closet or sock drawer.
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 26, 2008 10:21 PM EDT up reply actions
That’s not entirely true.
Some of them used to root for Montreal.
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So they are actually beyond help.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
Actually, a more accurate statement would be:
That’s not entirely true. Most of them only became hockey fans a few years ago once the Sens started finishing first.
Down Goes Brown - Because it's technically possible that things may get better before we all die.
by Down Goes Brown on Aug 27, 2008 2:32 PM EDT up reply actions
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