Reading the Tea Leafs: Nikolai Kulemin
Following on the success of two other dormant series PPP and I have decided that in order to fill the gap in NHL news that we'll take a look at each of the current Leafs, possible Leafs on the Marlies, janitors, marketing interns and prospects. We'll recap their performance last year, what we can expect from them, reveal their underwear size and how they can win our hearts (hint: signing the contract was a good first step...unless your name is Bryan McCabe Ian White). We have no idea how long of a series this will end up being or how consistent it will be but with two of us expect it to only be half as half-assed and twice as timely, offer void in Michigan.
Either Kulemin is awesome or the RSL really sucks.

Contract Status (according to NHL Numbers)
Three year rookie contract at rookie maximum, $875,000 with performance incentives it could balloon to almost $1.5M this season.
Age (as of October 1, 2008)
22 - July 14, 1986
NHL Seasons
Zip. Zilch. Nada.
Run of the Mill Biographical Information
Former Leaf he'd have to play like in order to be christened a deity
If Kulemin can play like Antropov, we'll be in business.
Biggest Question Marks
Can Kulemin play his game in the NHL? Can he throw big hits and score big goals?
Player Summary
Kulemin distinguished himself playing for Metallurg Magnitogorsk, and at the 06 WC playing on the "Prime Line" between Ovechkin and Malkin. According to Hockeysfuture, he wasn't just tagging along.
More so, he wasn’t expected to just be a filler; he got to join the team’s prime line that featured Alexander Ovechkin and Malkin. Once again he didn’t let his team down. Kulemin was doing the job of battling for the puck along the boards, clearing up the space for his linemates and bolstering his line’s defensive unit comprised of offensive defenseman Kirill Koltsov (VAN) and Vitali Atyuushov. He was a perfect fit because of his team-first attitude and his ability to beat the zone coverage that the opposition often used against Malkin & Co.
Projected 2008-2009 role/team
Kulemin didn't play in the rookie tournament, I'd say it's a safe bet he has a roster spot waiting with the big club. Everything I've read says that Kulemin is an incredible player, let's hope that translates to the NHL.
I could see him either on a line with fast guys like Blake and Grabovski, or along Poni and Antropov on a first line. Who knows? The kid is a total question mark, but I've got a good feeling.
Comments
I can just hear 18000-odd people chanting “Wyshynski you stink! Wyshynski you stink!” after every goal.
Brings a tear to the eye.
Who is this Wyshynski?
by 1967ers on
Sep 18, 2008 1:08 PM EDT
reply
actions
0 recs
Greg Wyshynski
Is Puck Daddy, the author/editor/and hardest working man in hockey blogging, at Yahoo. No post goes more than 10 comments without someone saying that he stinks – whether he has written it or not.
Now it’s a fantastically ironic joke that I will claim credit for with one of my best comments.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 1:17 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
My fantasy team is Wysh!SmellsLikeRoses in honor of this inside joke
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 1:31 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
mother of god
that video gives me goosebumps.
Do the Leafs really have a legitimate sniper in their wings? Can it be true?
pretty please with bacon on top?
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 1:20 PM EDT
reply
actions
0 recs
me too
I don’t want to get disappointed though so I’ll ignore the fact that he has Ovechkin speed with Crosby’s ability to score while falling and wears # 14 like Dave Andreychuk so he’ll probably score 50 goals.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 1:33 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
STOP JINXING IT
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on
Sep 18, 2008 1:39 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I mean…I agree with Blurr. If he gets on the ice and has remembered to take off his skate guards then he’s clearly the next coming of Ovechkin.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 1:58 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Super Kule
Excellent video. The kid seems like he’s got passion. He might already be my third favorite Leaf behind Kaberle and Finger. Wouldn’t be surprised though if he starts the year with the Marlies to make sure his confidence doesn’t get ruined in the first 10 games.
by general borschevsky on
Sep 18, 2008 2:16 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Did you miss the Frogren video?
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on
Sep 18, 2008 2:31 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
No, he’s in my top 5 for sure!
Did you see the picture that reveals JaredFromLondon’s true identity?

It’s really JonasFromFalun!
by general borschevsky on
Sep 18, 2008 2:47 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I knew that photographer wasn’t from studleydefensemen.com, curses I have been outed
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 6:13 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I’m setting my expectations low so that I can be pleasantly surprised.
I hope he can tie his skates with only limited assistance.
by 1967ers on
Sep 18, 2008 1:40 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I’m thinking if he can hold his stick without his wrist shattering, well then, he’s all kinds of awesome. seriously, since Coliacovo, have we had a prospect with this much potential?
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church...
by blurr1974 on
Sep 18, 2008 1:51 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Well, I thought Wellwood had that kind of potential….
Just keeping an even keel until I see the real thing.
Leafs, the universe and everything.
by 1967ers on
Sep 18, 2008 2:18 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I keep watching the video, getting misty around the 1 minute mark. I hope he’s nothing like Butters though…I’d be convinced of a curse if he shows up at camp weighing 300 pounds looking like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy singing “fat guy in a little coat…”
…shiver…
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church...
by blurr1974 on
Sep 18, 2008 2:26 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
I’m hoping he can put the skates on even without painting R and L on them
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 2:03 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Who doesn’t want Ralph Lauren skates?
Terrorists, thats who
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 2:06 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
You two are going to have beautiful children some day.
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on
Sep 18, 2008 2:10 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Beautifully insane children.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 2:11 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
No, I mean R and L as in “left " and "right”. Jared’s all wrong (as usual)
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 2:33 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
er,
R and L as in “right” and “left”. Dumbass
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 2:34 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Good lord.
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on
Sep 18, 2008 2:40 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
“I am Russian and use different alphabet. What are strange symbols on skates? No matter. Get me new skates and fill them with vodka.”
by article1 on
Sep 18, 2008 2:45 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
“Nik Antropov has offered to take me to fine Toronto Booou-uurger King”
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 2:47 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Bore-ger king.
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on
Sep 18, 2008 2:51 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
In Russia, we call it (checks back of bag) Booou-uurger King
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 2:52 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
“I have whopper, borscht and bottle of finest vodka.”
by article1 on
Sep 19, 2008 1:06 AM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
RL also stands for Ralph Lauren, is it so wrong to be up on fashion?
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 3:51 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
ummm
Enough to have it be the first thought when referring to hockey skates (which Lauren doesn’t make) and the letters R and L?
Yeah, that might be a little too much fashion there Avery.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 4:08 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
“which Lauren doesn’t make”
but they soooo should, they would look fabulous with my Dolche hockey socks
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 4:13 PM EDT
reply
actions
0 recs
And your capri hockey pants?
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 4:25 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Parasuco actually
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 4:29 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
do you have your shiny man capris on?

Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 4:59 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Yup
That’s a bannable offence!
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 5:32 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
(hangs head in shame)
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 5:33 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
how do I make it up?
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 5:35 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
bow chicka wow wow
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 5:52 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
ding ding ding
I mean, fair enough, it’s a warning ;) But no more Avery!
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 5:58 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
to be fair...
Domi got that from me. I made that lol meme.
Ain't nothing but puck drops and poke checks, babydoll.
by wrap around curl on
Sep 18, 2008 6:14 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Everyone’s banned!
We’ll be moving to pensionplanpuppets2.com.
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on
Sep 18, 2008 6:22 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
It’s only available on PVR, High Definition computers that use Rogers or Comcast.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 6:39 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Aiding and Abetting?
That’s a warning.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 18, 2008 6:40 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
warning?
Isn’t that a paddlin’?
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 18, 2008 8:33 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
someone is hankerin’ for a spankerin’
/bowchickawowow
Because Taking The Leafs Seriously Is Not An Option
by JaredFromLondon on
Sep 18, 2008 8:47 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Umm…I’ll…wax your stick if you ride my zamboni?
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 19, 2008 1:07 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
Rowr
Warning rescinded.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on
Sep 19, 2008 1:24 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs
This is all sounding like excerpts from “Puck Sluts: Five for fucking!”
Making stuff up since real Leafs news is far too depressing
by loser domi on
Sep 19, 2008 1:42 PM EDT
up
reply
actions
0 recs

















