Luke Schenn Facts

by Kavel Pubina on Nov 2, 2009 11:48 AM EST Comment 29 comments

To honour the 20th birthday of OLAS, I now present to you, "Luke Schenn Facts", or the real truth about Leafs Nation's favorite player.

- Luke Schenn is the reason the dinosaurs went extinct. He bodychecked every single one of them.

- Luke Schenn can kill two birds with no stones.

- Luke Schenn doesn't just kill penalties, he erases them from existance.

More after the jump.

As promised, more Schenn Facts:

- Luke Schenn can bodycheck a revolving door.

- Luke Schenn is the reason why Waldo is hiding and wearing a Candycane Habs jersey.

- Luke Schenn can score goals by just looking at the puck.

- Luke Schenn doesn't get penalties, penalties get Luke Schenn.

- The EA Sports videogame NHL 10 contains the All-Luke Schenn team, with an overall rating of infinity.

- Luke Schenn is so fast, he can bodycheck 10 different players in 10 different arenas.

- The character of "Luke Skywalker" from the Star Wars movies was based on Luke Schenn.

- Luke Schenn skates on the tears of Ottawa SNES fans, as well as the tears of Habs fans.

- Luke Schenn can't handle the truth, he stickhandles it instead.

- Luke Schenn once exploded a man's head just by staring at him.

- Luke Schenn isn't my homeboy, he's Leafs Nation's homeboy.

Feel free to add some facts of your own, y'all.

PensionPlanPuppets.com is a fan community that allows members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Toronto Maple Leafs and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editor of PensionPlanPuppets.com.

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the only reason we haven’t won the cup since 67 is because we have waited for OLAS to lead us to the holy grail.

by 6rick6 on Nov 2, 2009 2:45 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

True Fact:

Luke Schenn has no middle name.

You know where I'm from.

by Archimedies on Nov 2, 2009 3:44 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn can impregnate a woman simply by pointing at her ovaries and shouting “BOOYAH!”

They call me Splodeybones.

by SkinnyFish on Nov 2, 2009 4:10 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn is Santa Clause

by 6rick6 on Nov 2, 2009 5:39 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

if you can see luke schenn, luke schenn can see you
if you cant see luke schenn you are seconds away from pregnancy

Puns, Innuendo and Bad Spelling, Yes We Got That

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 2, 2009 5:51 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

if you can see luke schenn, ~~luke schenn can see you~~ you are already pregnant.

-Graham-

by CanadianMaple09 on Nov 2, 2009 5:54 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

If you see Luke Schenn and are not worthy to stare at him, your head will go boom.
If you see Luke Schenn and are worthy of his glare, you are already pregnant.

Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning, PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries
Truculence is Everything: We Rant, We Caption, We Care.

by Kavel Pubina on Nov 2, 2009 5:58 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn won a game of Connect Four in two moves

THIS IS A JOKE

by loser domi on Nov 2, 2009 7:28 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn won a game of chess in no moves.

Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning, PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries
Truculence is Everything: We Rant, We Caption, We Care.

by Kavel Pubina on Nov 2, 2009 8:20 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn personally dug graves for the other five Canadian franchises. We know them today as the Great Lakes.

Can it before I drive this truculence through your faceulence and put you in an ambulance.

by Brunswick Bruiser on Nov 2, 2009 11:54 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

The Montreal Canadiens were so scared of Luke Schenn that they all wore uniforms with a maple leaf on them in hopes he wouldn’t kill them.

Down Goes Brown - Unapologetically nostalgic for the past. Brutally realistic about the present. Grudgingly optimistic about the future.

by Down Goes Brown on Nov 3, 2009 11:11 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

And to appease his righteous anger, they named themselves“CAC” on the front of the jerseys.

I am Mikhail Grabovski's smirking revenge.

by kidkawartha on Nov 3, 2009 2:19 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn once laid a bodycheck on a Habs player in Toronto. The hit was so large, the impact resulted in the CN Tower.

by Frag on Nov 3, 2009 1:10 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn is the reason why Kyle Wellwood is so fat.

Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning, PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries
Truculence is Everything: We Rant, We Caption, We Care.

by Kavel Pubina on Nov 3, 2009 2:05 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

The ambiguity in this fact is kinda priceless.

by Ando Rich on Nov 3, 2009 2:58 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn doesn’t need pick up lines. He just says “now.”

As per new community rules; all signature tags on PPP must contain the word "truculent".

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

by wrap around curl on Nov 3, 2009 5:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

with his eyes

Puns, Innuendo and Bad Spelling, Yes We Got That

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 3, 2009 5:31 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn.

The name is like a switch. It turns you on.

It is energy.

You want more. You want it again.

by general borschevsky on Nov 4, 2009 8:58 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

If you are a SNES, Habs, or Canucks fan

and you just say the name “Luke Schenn”, boom goes the dynamite - for you.

Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning, PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries
Truculence is Everything: We Rant, We Caption, We Care.

by Kavel Pubina on Nov 4, 2009 10:50 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn won a WWE smackdown…with his mind. From 500 miles away

THIS IS A JOKE

by loser domi on Nov 3, 2009 5:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn caused the Big Bang by bodychecking someone so hard, the cosmos exploded.

Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning, PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries
Truculence is Everything: We Rant, We Caption, We Care.

by Kavel Pubina on Nov 3, 2009 6:37 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

retroactively billions of years ago.

Yes.

and the Mustache of Truculence (formerly Canada4Mizzou)

by Wan Ihite on Nov 5, 2009 10:38 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

“Maybe it’s because future me [checks] future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the Time-[Check] Continuum!”

The quote works better with “slap(s)” but OLAS is too manly for any slapping.

by Its Cold In Here on Nov 6, 2009 11:59 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn first played organized hockey as a five-year-old in 1995. That same year, the NHL’s “dead puck” era began. This is not a coincidence.

Down Goes Brown - Unapologetically nostalgic for the past. Brutally realistic about the present. Grudgingly optimistic about the future.

by Down Goes Brown on Nov 4, 2009 10:35 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

Luke Schenn can knock both Brian Rolston and Chuck Norris out cold by looking in their general direction in China

Space Weed Says The Steve Ott of Hockey Blogs
"DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death"- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza's wedding

by Space Weed on Nov 5, 2009 8:50 AM EST reply actions 0 recs