Red Hot Special '2 Game Winning Streak' Edition

by Mattblack on Nov 28, 2009 7:50 AM EST in From The Branches

Time for another foreign languages lesson today, me hearties. Our subject - Phil 'WHO ELSE?' Kessel.

As I'm sure the countless Deutsche-o-phones amongst you will already know, Kessel is German for 'Kettle'. You see? Works perfectly. He's a device for heating things up to boiling point. He makes the bubbles rise. He's an active element in a chemical reaction. He's where the tea comes from! Coffee too - it's a breakfast drink bonanza with PK81!

More? You got it! Kessel can be used to describe a cauldron. You heard me right. Witches brew and where shall we three meet again! How apt that he should now play in the fiery atmosphere of the ACC where....ah...where the hors d'œuvres are truly to die for!

But that's not all. Hell no. Kessel is also used to describe a boiler - as used in a steam train locomotive! That's right, his sole purpose is to move otherwise stationary objects (q.v. Rickard Wallin) down the tracks! He'll take you to your destination - first class! Damn straight solider, we're going places - 28th place, perhaps - with Phil Kessel!

His name can be used to describe a geographic depression. Are you depressed? THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE! We may be occasionally moderately downbeat, but we are never depressed. Never!

Last thought - Phil Kessel has 8 goals in 12 games this season. More than any Bruin. In half the time. Auf wiedersehen!

Doesn't feel like a proper game unless we're behind....your reports from a good night in the BankAtlantic Centre come from Toronto Mike, Rock Outta SoCal, Jonas640, Kavel Pubina, Leaf Fan Forever and The Hockey News. No response from Litter Box Cats as yet - so here's a picture of my cat instead. Ain't she a cutie?
Marlies take the points also, recording a 5 - 4 decision over Binghamton.
Sadly, it seems we are to be denied our Mano-a-Bearo fight to the death 'twix LEAFS MAN! and Carlton. Even so - Down Goes Brown casts his critical eye over why we might be bidding adieu to the bear.
From mascots with no pants to GM's with no shame. An all-new Bloge Salming short - and Mr Burke is flashing those dollars!
But now for the real Salming, featuring his Kraftpaket. A veritable swathe of Vintage Leafs for you lucky people today
Triple hits from Maple Leaf Hot Stove, featuring the boy who asked for Moore, learned thoughts on Blake, Kaberle, Campbell and Stralman and the latest stickwork podcast.
High time we had some PPP regulars links - first up, Eyebleaf has a word on hope, bkblades with thoughts on Brendan Burke and Loser Domi with a Mats-based moment of Zen.
Leaf & Lion brings you episode II (~~Attack of the Clones~~) of the Leafs Big Brother house. Who'll be evicted this week?
A think piece on the matter of points versus scoring over at The Battle of Alberta, posted by mc79. It's fair to say that we all live in a Nik Hagman world.
Let's round things off with a non-hockey link - this one kindly provided by my Red Dwarf appreciating sister-in-arms, Loser Domi. Thrill to the DIY ineptitude of thereifixedit.com.

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Comments

Can’t believe you missed the completely obvious part… not only is he kettle, he’s FILL kettle. Enough boiling water in that bad boy to melt ice. Lots of ice. Possibly 60 by 20 square feet of it.

and the Mustache of Truculence (formerly Canada4Mizzou)

by Wan Ihite on Nov 28, 2009 7:58 AM EST reply actions

Aha you see – but you don’t PHIL a kettle with boiling water, do you? You PHIL it with cold water.

A kettle is PHUL of boiling water when it’s done, so that joke would only work in the crazy vowel world of New Zealand. Please don’t think I don’t put hours of thought into these things before commiting text to screen.

Harder, better, faster, stronger because our work is never over.

by Mattblack on Nov 28, 2009 8:03 AM EST up reply actions

PHILLLLL KESSSSEEELLL

THIS IS A JOKE

by loser domi on Nov 28, 2009 9:41 AM EST up reply actions

so Kessel is a Kiwi? blimy!

Puns, Innuendo and Bad Spelling, Yes We Got That

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 28, 2009 9:42 AM EST up reply actions

Marc Savard?

We don’t need no stinkin’ Marc Savard. GO LEAFS GO!

by Rock Outta SoCal on Nov 28, 2009 8:34 AM EST reply actions

I can't explain my emotions from last night...

It’s as if they were the opposite of shame? Strange.

by JP Nikota on Nov 28, 2009 9:22 AM EST reply actions

Anti-Shame?

by Huey2k2 on Nov 28, 2009 9:45 AM EST up reply actions

Less Shame?

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Nov 28, 2009 10:44 AM EST up reply actions

Is it like your heart is getting hard?

My heart needs a lapdance, does your heart need some romance?

by Mabel on Nov 28, 2009 11:11 AM EST up reply actions

I didn't get to see the game live

Since I was at a Three Days Grace concert, but it looked like an exciting one. Phil Kessel can have my babies

Boo hoo!

by Chris Stoikoff on Nov 28, 2009 10:18 AM EST reply actions

READ THE BATTLE OF ALBERTA PIECE

And see what elite company Niklas Hagman is in.

Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.

by PPP on Nov 28, 2009 10:47 AM EST reply actions

s'funny

Because mc79 says “If you were to screen that list for the guys who don’t play very much, you’d end up with a pretty solid list of hockey players” and while immediately Dan Paille jumps to mind the cynic in me has to assume he’s talking about Hagman too.

The fun thing is, though, if we look back through Hagman’s performance in Dallas post-lockout before coming to the team, Haggy only misses out on hitting the ‘+’ portion of the points/goal group by 5% each year, and has always had a ‘+’ Sh%. Not only did the Leafs not sign a guy coming off a ‘+/ +’ season (and thus not managing to overpay), they signed a guy on the cusp of it who worked his way into that quadrant in his time here.

Looking at his TOI numbers in Dallas and Toronto, his ESTOI/G increased by 2 full minutes when he landed here, which seems to be what finally put him over the average in points/goal.

I think it’d be interesting to see if Haggy were to continue to improve his offensive numbers if we handed him a couple more minutes at even-strength a game. Regardless, the guy has been a model of consistency post-lockout.

Old Guys in Blue and White

by koopa kid on Nov 28, 2009 12:31 PM EST up reply actions

YOUR CAT IS BLOODY ADORABLE!!!!!1

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where unabashed homerism is alive and well...

PLAYOFFS!!!!1

by eyebleaf on Nov 28, 2009 11:46 AM EST reply actions

She blushes at your kind comment, Sir.

Harder, better, faster, stronger because our work is never over.

by Mattblack on Nov 28, 2009 1:15 PM EST up reply actions

The Cat

gave me a laugh. Ah the power of From the Branches – there’s no such thing as off-topic.

-Bone's Corner

by BonesCorner on Nov 28, 2009 12:05 PM EST reply actions

off-topic..

I friggin’ hate Peter McGuire and the TSN brodcast team.
always mute the tube, and pump AM640!

"the usefulness of a cup, is in it's emptiness"

by Maniel Darois on Nov 28, 2009 12:14 PM EST up reply actions

Leafs TV is killing me

How many times did Bowen call The Monster ‘Gunnarson’ last night? like 50? He’s definitely going Bob Cole.

Moustache Fever, not to be confused with swine flu.

by Shield on Nov 28, 2009 2:21 PM EST up reply actions

Yea I noticed that.

Thank God he didn’t have to deal with Sedin, Sedin and Sundin last year with Vancouver.

-Bone's Corner

by BonesCorner on Nov 28, 2009 2:22 PM EST up reply actions

I think Millen fucked him over at the start. Millen spent the first 3 minutes doing that and poor Joe never recovered.

by Clawson on Nov 28, 2009 2:26 PM EST up reply actions

yeah, its all millens fault, he is trying to sabotage poor joe so hughson takes over

Puns, Innuendo and Bad Spelling, Yes We Got That

by JaredFromLondon on Nov 28, 2009 2:37 PM EST up reply actions

Dude….that suggestion is gonna give me nightmares for the next year.

by Clawson on Nov 28, 2009 3:24 PM EST up reply actions

I am so happy that the Leafs aren’t playing tonight!
This 12-14 page paper actually has a chance of being completed.
What’s that? I’m still on PPP even though there is no game tonight?
Oh well. What do I know about “Woman and Aging” anyways..

Vintage Leafs Blog

by somny on Nov 28, 2009 12:21 PM EST reply actions

I had a 10-12 pager due the other day. That’s what intermission is for! You don’t lose much by muting Don Cherry, and I think you actually gain something by not watching Hotstove!

-Graham-

by CanadianMaple09 on Nov 28, 2009 12:25 PM EST up reply actions

Hey now,

We profit from the Grapes bias. It’s a wonderful thing to listen to Cherry talk about our great… Canadian… boys? Whatever, Kessel North American! We get something!

And yea, 3 papers in a week – Philosophy of Pornography in Law, WWI Public Opinion, and Rousseau’s Social Contract.
What the hell am I taking?!

-Bone's Corner

by BonesCorner on Nov 28, 2009 12:45 PM EST reply actions