Time for another foreign languages lesson today, me hearties. Our subject - Phil 'WHO ELSE?' Kessel.

As I'm sure the countless Deutsche-o-phones amongst you will already know, Kessel is German for 'Kettle'. You see? Works perfectly. He's a device for heating things up to boiling point. He makes the bubbles rise. He's an active element in a chemical reaction. He's where the tea comes from! Coffee too - it's a breakfast drink bonanza with PK81!

More? You got it! Kessel can be used to describe a cauldron. You heard me right. Witches brew and where shall we three meet again! How apt that he should now play in the fiery atmosphere of the ACC where....ah...where the hors d'œuvres are truly to die for!

But that's not all. Hell no. Kessel is also used to describe a boiler - as used in a steam train locomotive! That's right, his sole purpose is to move otherwise stationary objects (q.v. Rickard Wallin) down the tracks! He'll take you to your destination - first class! Damn straight solider, we're going places - 28th place, perhaps - with Phil Kessel!

His name can be used to describe a geographic depression. Are you depressed? THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE! We may be occasionally moderately downbeat, but we are never depressed. Never!

Last thought - Phil Kessel has 8 goals in 12 games this season. More than any Bruin. In half the time. Auf wiedersehen!

• Doesn't feel like a proper game unless we're behind....your reports from a good night in the BankAtlantic Centre come from Toronto Mike, Rock Outta SoCal, Jonas640, Kavel Pubina, Leaf Fan Forever and The Hockey News. No response from Litter Box Cats as yet - so here's a picture of my cat instead. Ain't she a cutie?
  
• Marlies take the points also, recording a 5 - 4 decision over Binghamton.  
• Sadly, it seems we are to be denied our Mano-a-Bearo fight to the death 'twix LEAFS MAN! and Carlton. Even so - Down Goes Brown casts his critical eye over why we might be bidding adieu to the bear.
• From mascots with no pants to GM's with no shame. An all-new Bloge Salming short - and Mr Burke is flashing those dollars!
• But now for the real Salming, featuring his Kraftpaket. A veritable swathe of Vintage Leafs for you lucky people today
• Triple hits from Maple Leaf Hot Stove, featuring the boy who asked for Moore, learned thoughts on Blake, Kaberle, Campbell and Stralman and the latest stickwork podcast.
• High time we had some PPP regulars links - first up, Eyebleaf has a word on hope, bkblades with thoughts on Brendan Burke and Loser Domi with a Mats-based moment of Zen.
• Leaf & Lion brings you episode II (Attack of the Clones) of the Leafs Big Brother house. Who'll be evicted this week?
• A think piece on the matter of points versus scoring over at The Battle of Alberta, posted by mc79. It's fair to say that we all live in a Nik Hagman world.
  
• Let's round things off with a non-hockey link - this one kindly provided by my Red Dwarf appreciating sister-in-arms, Loser Domi. Thrill to the DIY ineptitude of thereifixedit.com.