More photos » Karl B DeBlaker - AP

I know, alright? Don't say anything, I know. This is worse than that time I walked in on my mom when she was on the john.

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It's always hard to be the new guy. I had to leave Boston though, all that black was doing nothing for my complexion. Still, you'd have thought the guys would make more of an effort to make me feel a part of it. They never pass to me, except for one time when Luke threw me a centre - I felt a strange twinge in my tummy when it happened, but that was probably nothing.

Last practice was the worst. I know Jason is the daddy around these parts (he uses Matt as a foot stool. Can you imagine? Our first line centre?) But would it kill him to involve me in the play? So I skated over and said, "Hey, JB. I'm open here - taking up great positions, but you never pass! What gives?" He regarded me coolly, "Don't you understand, Phillip? That's what Mr Burke pays you all that money for. To be open for me - wide open." He touched my hand. Even through two layers of CCM VO6 glove, my heart was on fire. He knew I was there; he was just biding his time.

He skated off a short distance and fired a puck at me. It hit Vesa in the face, but that didn't matter - Vesa wasn't going to say anything. That was when I knew everything was going to be just fine. Alexei mentioned something about some nice boys from Detroit coming to the club later on - perhaps tonight will be the tonight I break on through?

• Yah but seriously - stitch that, Maurice. Your Friday game reviews come from Norman James Sports, Jared's review in 10 words or less, Moustache Fever, 50 Mission Cap, Truculence is Everything, Slapshot and The Hockey News. The view of the vanquished is provided by Canes County.
• You know who else won? Marlies won! 3 points in the game for Christian Hanson as they top Lake Erie 3 - 2. The Hockey Writers have the game review.
• Toronto Sports Media reports on rumours of waiving Jamal Mayers and also on the most deluded man west of the Rockies - beating off stiff competition therein, of course. (Caution - contains Raycroft).
• Late from the other day, but no less welcome for that - Vintage Leafs latest, featuring a pair o' gangsters, name of Doug and Tie.
• Might be time to pour yourself a drink and take a seat - Hockey Centric is floating the idea of sending OLAS to the Marlies for a stint. 
• Over at Bone's Corner, they've pulled their digits out and are pointing a touch at Jeff Finger.
• bkblades makes a case for some defence and draws a comparison I think we've all been secretly thinking ourselves.
• Elsewhere in the wide, wired world of the NHL, Puck Daddy reviews the best and worst in jerseys over the last 10 years before spoiling it all and getting all serious about money and stuff in Columbus.
• Melt Your Face Off wants to introduce you to 'Mormonisms' or - "ideas that sound good in theory".
• One last thing - whilst..ahem, researching the above text, I came across this little toaster - which is not embedded for reasons that will become all too clear. Suffice to say, if you've ever wanted to see a bit of Kirk/Spock slash vidfic with a Nine Inch Nails soundtrack - this is your lucky day.

Anything missed goes in the comments - you know it makes sense, my little Chickadees!

Updatez

• Mirtle says what we're all thinking: Ride The Monster
• Dr Steve ignored the rules. He was shopping for towels.