Shh: Let's not wake up Damien Cox

by Varry Galk on Dec 15, 2009 11:20 AM EST

Editor's Note: Quick, someone send Damien Cox out to cover a tennis tournament.

Damien Cox, September 28, 2009:

Somehow, the Maple Leafs will make the playoffs. There, I said it...you can bet on an improved sense of team identity to help Brian Burke’s Leafs, and let’s face it, the mediocrity of so many Eastern Conference teams leaves the door wide open for any club able to put together a 93-95 point season.

Leafs' record, next 8 games: 0-7-1

Damien Cox, December 1, 2009:

There's a useful clarity to being awful. Awful as opposed to average...nobody would disagree any more that the Maple Leafs are a lousy hockey club this season, destined to finish in the lower rungs of the NHL...[a]fter 25 games, the hole is too big for Ron Wilson's group to be in contention for even the last playoff berth in the east...Burke will have a tough decision to make on his coaches if this turns out to be a 20-win season...nobody's fooling anybody any longer. The state of the Leafs is crystal clear.

Leafs' record, next 8 games: 6-2-0

PensionPlanPuppets.com is a fan community that allows members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Toronto Maple Leafs and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editor of PensionPlanPuppets.com.

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I’m sensing a theme here…

leaf fan stuck in ottawa, a localized black hole that will suck everything in that area to oblivion.

by stucky on Dec 15, 2009 10:54 AM EST reply actions

that Cox really doesnt know anything about hockey and that everything he writes is with 20/20 hindsight vision and is uaully completley reactionary?

There is no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

by Matt_Roberts on Dec 15, 2009 11:25 AM EST up reply actions

DING DING DING DING

leaf fan stuck in ottawa, a localized black hole that will suck everything in that area to oblivion.

by stucky on Dec 15, 2009 11:41 AM EST up reply actions

so...

you’re saying that Cox dumping on the Leafs is what gives us success?

"The only way out is in a body bag. Go Leafs Go." - Blinky

by Karina on Dec 15, 2009 11:31 AM EST reply actions

I’m glad Cox isn’t my portfolio manager

by theothervatican on Dec 15, 2009 11:36 AM EST reply actions

Fantastic post

Mr. Galk.

Playoffs.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

Sports And The City

A Toronto sports blog, where unabashed homerism is alive and well...

PLAYOFFS!!!!1

by eyebleaf on Dec 15, 2009 11:41 AM EST reply actions

Yes

Wow.

by general borschevsky on Dec 15, 2009 11:54 AM EST up reply actions

I'm in favour

of any theory that attempts to prove Damien Cox is somehow always wrong

by pevans on Dec 15, 2009 11:44 AM EST reply actions

A journalist playing on readers hopes and fears?

shocking.

by birky on Dec 15, 2009 11:45 AM EST reply actions

Oddly enough I looked up the definition of "contrarian" online, and all I got was this:

I have nothing interesting to say.

by blurr1974 on Dec 15, 2009 11:48 AM EST reply actions

His Eyes aren’t drifiting apart like they normally do

Space Weed Says Telling it like it is without a care about the mainstream's feelings
"DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death"- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza's wedding

by Kevin Sellathamby on Dec 15, 2009 12:25 PM EST up reply actions

I've put my ear right up against the monitor

and I can’t hear the singing from this picture. I don’t know what is wrong

Glory glory Man United, AND the other MU, AAAAnd the Leafs. I think I need a drink now.

by Wan Ihite on Dec 15, 2009 12:43 PM EST up reply actions

Is it any wonder why so many in the GTA have such a twisted view of the Leafs and are on again off again fans?

Reading the paper every day will have you so twisted in knots you wont know what to do with yourself

There is no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

by Matt_Roberts on Dec 15, 2009 11:58 AM EST reply actions

this is why i read the barilkosphere

for more trenchant, sober analysis. Like determining which Leaf defender can best impregnate someone with a look. How Ian White’s moustache saved the economy. And also hilarious player nicknames

by pevans on Dec 15, 2009 12:13 PM EST up reply actions

Like Jason "The Hamster" Blake

There is no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

by Matt_Roberts on Dec 15, 2009 12:17 PM EST up reply actions

Boom, it's a boy

Glory glory Man United, AND the other MU, AAAAnd the Leafs. I think I need a drink now.

by Wan Ihite on Dec 15, 2009 12:45 PM EST up reply actions

if it’s a girl, are the lasers pink? I think they should be pink.

by Fergus30 on Dec 15, 2009 1:23 PM EST up reply actions

Don’t be sexist.

Resident Capologist

by clrkaitken on Dec 15, 2009 1:28 PM EST up reply actions

would just like to let everyone know that I suck and that I’m a girl and I like ribbons in my hair and I want to kiss all the boys

Puns, Innuendo and Bad Spelling, Yes We Got That

by JaredFromLondon on Dec 15, 2009 1:30 PM EST up reply actions

I spent an entire overnighter in 1st year downloading and watching every episode of that up to that point. It was like a week before they stopped keeping all the episodes in an archive too, lucky.

Moustache Fever, not to be confused with swine flu.

by Shield on Dec 15, 2009 1:52 PM EST up reply actions

Damien Cox Chat

So after labelling the Maple Leafs as terrible they’ve gone 6-2-0. How much credit do you give yourself for lighting a fire underneath the team?

This is PPP's work account until further notice. Damn Internet.

by David Danforth on Dec 15, 2009 12:21 PM EST reply actions

i am going to stab him in the larynx

Puns, Innuendo and Bad Spelling, Yes We Got That

by JaredFromLondon on Dec 15, 2009 12:22 PM EST up reply actions

Crush his fingers too so he can’t type anymore.

leaf fan stuck in ottawa, a localized black hole that will suck everything in that area to oblivion.

by stucky on Dec 15, 2009 12:37 PM EST up reply actions

still no poni love

i notice he didn’t back down from his anti-Poni stance in that chat, describing him as “too inconsistent”

I don’t know who he expects Burke to be able to pick up who can do what Poni does for less money. But I’m all ears

by pevans on Dec 15, 2009 1:04 PM EST up reply actions

Cox doesn’t actually propose solutions. He just slams every possible alternative, then waits in the corner so he can yell “I told you it wouldn’t work!”

Unfortunately, we need to wait a couple of years for him to be wrong a few times, so that when he pops up again, he’ll say “I told you so” and we respond “We told you we don’t care.”

Resident Capologist

by clrkaitken on Dec 15, 2009 1:17 PM EST up reply actions

wurld’s greatist fanz

They call me Splodeybones.

by SkinnyFish on Dec 15, 2009 1:22 PM EST reply actions

That goddamn song will not leave me alone. I swear. It’s stalking me.

Frigging Damien song.

by not norm ullman on Dec 15, 2009 4:54 PM EST up reply actions

Ok ok ok, cunning plan

Someone needs to start putting out headlines about H1N1 getting spread rapidly and widely at the ACC, particularly in the press box (and perhaps the lower bowl too). That’ll keep him out the building. Then we just need someone to splice into his cable line and feed his TV at scheduled game times with either the first 10 games of the season over and over, or just recorded games from the 1988 season, with maybe photoshopping of a few of the new player’s names onto old jerseys.

What could go wrong?

Glory glory Man United, AND the other MU, AAAAnd the Leafs. I think I need a drink now.

by Wan Ihite on Dec 15, 2009 1:23 PM EST reply actions

But if you turn it the other way

If you pretend that the comments were made at the other comment’s times it actually makes sense.

But yeah I think he has a leaf long term leaf grudge because he didn’t get to on a gradeschool trip to the park and get a pressed maple leaf. He’s never forgiven anyone!

by The_Truculenster on Dec 15, 2009 2:11 PM EST reply actions

Just because I can,

I’m going to post this comment series-

and caps tonight does not bode well

this month the leafs are playing boston a third time (for fuck’s sake), buffalo twice (guaranteed losses with miller in net), the capitals tonight and pittsburgh near the end of the month. this month is gonna be rough. if the leafs win even win of the games against buffalo/boston i will be impressed.

Go Houston Rockets!

http://dusterfile.blogspot.com/

by Duster on Dec 12, 2009 9:58 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

Honestly we’re probably about to lose four of our next six at a minimum.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Dec 12, 2009 10:03 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Keep your realism to yourself!!

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.”

Albert Einstein

by Say plan the parade one more time… on Dec 12, 2009 10:41 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

and that’s if we can somehow beat the SNES, which we just can’t do for some reason.

Go Houston Rockets!

http://dusterfile.blogspot.com/

by Duster on Dec 12, 2009 10:47 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Horray for optimism!

Space Weed Says Telling it like it is without a care about the mainstream’s feelings
“DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn’t really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death”- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza’s wedding

by Space Weed on Dec 12, 2009 12:31 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I am Mikhail Grabovski's smirking revenge.

by kidkawartha on Dec 15, 2009 2:38 PM EST reply actions

We could easily lose to Phoenix, Buffalo, Boston and then Buffalo.

Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.

by Chemmy on Dec 15, 2009 5:04 PM EST up reply actions

I SAID ENOUGH OF YOUR REALISM!!!!!

"If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."

Albert Einstein

by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Dec 15, 2009 7:37 PM EST up reply actions

Ok, Mr. Negative Nancy. :)

I am Mikhail Grabovski's smirking revenge.

by kidkawartha on Dec 15, 2009 8:59 PM EST up reply actions

Whatta tool

Pumps out more male with one thrust of the pelvis than the United States postal service over the last 146 years.

by Blinky on Dec 15, 2009 3:54 PM EST reply actions

hey man one thing i’ve learned about being a leafs fan you have to keep your expectations low
then when they’re superseded you’re pleasantly surprised.
to be fair i never said that the leafs would lose for sure against the caps, and the leafs barely managed to squeeze out that win against the snes.

Go Houston Rockets!

http://dusterfile.blogspot.com/

by Duster on Dec 15, 2009 4:49 PM EST up reply actions

He may have been referring to Damien as the tool and not you.

At least… that’s what I would have done.

leaf fan stuck in ottawa, a localized black hole that will suck everything in that area to oblivion.

by stucky on Dec 15, 2009 5:58 PM EST up reply actions

And when the Leafs are losing

You start talking about how worthless they are and hop onto the Capitals/Penguins/Blackhawks bandwagon!

by Kevin Sellathamby on Dec 18, 2009 10:06 AM EST up reply actions

But what about Howie?

Sure, Damien Cox is a good luck charm but what about the esoteric and precise Howard Berger?

Surely Mr. Berger will get to the meat of the Leafs season soon with yet another reason why we are a hell-spawned franchise whose only wins were due to the Fates turning a blind eye to Toskala’s performances…

by BesterThanYesterday on Dec 15, 2009 4:27 PM EST reply actions