Jason Williams Might Be the Best Player Currently Living

From the Columbus Dispatch:

The center skated toward rookie Justin Pogge and pretended to fan on the shot to open up the goaltender's legs. The puck glided between the pads and into the net. Williams has used the move in the past.

"It's a risky play, but it worked," he said.

Noted sniper Jason Williams, with 78 goals in 353 career games played between Detroit (six seasons), Chicago, Atlanta and now Columbus pulls the strings that make goaltenders dance. His unstoppable slick moves have goalies shaking and bawling like the end of the Crying Game.

The real question is, can Jason Williams be stopped? For the answer to this, I think we should ask someone who knows the truths of the universe. Doctor Manhattan was busy building a sand castle when I called him, and Paul Mooney was busy.

I walked into a room and was handed the transcript of my interview with Nostradamus. His knowing the future saved us both a lot of time.

Chemmy: Oh exalted one, can you tell me-

Nostradamus: Yes Chemmy. Jason Williams can be stopped.

 

Chemmy: Ok then, my seco-

 

Nostradamus: Jason Williams is a terrible player who doesn't know how to score. He clearly fanned on the puck because it happens all the time to players who can't shoot, see also: Stempniak, Lee.

The headline of the article was "Monumental victory for Jackets" by the way, so at least teams still think highly of beating the Leafs. We'll always have that, I suppose.

From the Dispatch's blog, yet another newspaper run blog that's exactly like a newspaper column but with spelling errors included for free:

The thought of Rick Nash leaving Columbus through free agency in 2010 scares a lot of fans, so news that a) he was asked about it yesterday in Toronto and b) didn’t say he has definite plans not only to end his career here, but also to operate a local chain of hockey stores in Hilliard, Dublin, Westerville, Grove City and Reynoldsburg in his retirement probably at least tweaked the nerve endings of the most habitual worry warts.

First off, I like this guy's style, though I think he should have continued the metaphor to include "Rick Nash also scared fans by not promising to have the Blue Jackets' logo branded into his chest and not insisting upon a diet comprised solely of Wendy's, Ohio's only gift to the world".

Nash always tries hard to say the right thing and usually goes out of his way not to insult anybody. In this case, that means making it clear he has a job to do in Columbus and is very happy here, while also being careful not to insult his Toronto questioners. He grew up near Toronto, so of course, he was always dreamed of playing for the Leafs; it’s the truth, and it’s also what the questioners wanted to hear. But doesn’t mean that he’s waiting for his contract to expire in Columbus so he can move back there; it really doesn’t mean much of anything.

Who hasn't dreamt of playing for the Leafs? I wear my jersey to bed and stare up at my ceiling, where I painted the Air Canada logo in a big white circle directly above the red line complete with faceoff dot in the middle of my floor, and listen to my "Chemmy Your Are a Champion" CD until I fall asleep. I've won the cup six times ths week.