Hockey to remove fighting from game; replace it with Rock, Paper, Scissors

TORONTO, CA – Fighting has been a part of hockey since its inception but has become the subject of controversy in recent years. Due to concerns with the safety of this part of game, the NHL has now adopted a more controversial, but less dangerous method of allowing enforcers to compete with one another in order to swing the momentum of the game for their respective team.

“There will be no more swinging fists once the gloves have been dropped,” said the business savvy NHL commissioner Gary Bettman in an interview with SSNN. “Rather, players will throw either rock, paper or scissors to find the winner of the bout. From what I understand, rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper and paper beats rock. The referees will keep an eye on things to make sure nobody is trying to break the rules. Both offending players will be sent to the penalty box, of course, but teams should really get a boost from seeing their grinder waylay his competitor with a well timed throw of scissors.”

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