Philadelphia: Falling Down

On a night when the New Jersey Devils continued their Mets-like late-season collapse in Pittsburgh, the Flyers had a chance to inch closer to first place in the Atlantic Division. - Philly.com

Well, at least Philly residents can reference the Phillies to take their mind (singular) off of their team's impending collapse. Perhaps I'm being too hasty. Losing a single game to the Maple Leafs doesn't really mean a team is nosediving.

Unlike last season, the Flyers are stumbling to the finish line. They have lost three of their last four games.

Carry on then.

The best formula to beat the Leafs is by drawing penalties and dominating on the power play. Toronto is next to last in the NHL on the penalty kill, but the Flyers only had about 31/2 minutes with an extra skater and failed to capitalize.

A line from the box score at NHL.com:

Giroux, C. (PPG, 17:09 in 3rd)

Did this writer watch the game? Did this writer sit down and check out a video of both Philly goals being scored? Generally when a team isn't on the power play, they don't have a guy standing all alone on one side of the net not doing anything until a rebound comes out. Wait a second...

Claude Giroux made it close for the Flyers by scoring a power-play goal with 2 minutes, 51 seconds left.

Was this written by someone with multiple personality disorder? Did Sam Carchidi write the first half of this article before succumbing to lycanthropism immediately before Giroux's goal, at which point the Wolfman Carchidi celebrated by consuming the family of four that lived downstairs?

The three and a half minute claim doesn't really hold up either, since the Flyers had 4.5 minutes of power play time, and would have had 5.5 if they hadn't scored on Stempniak's penalty. Ignoring the accounting errors, getting one power play goal in 4:23 minutes of power play time is pretty successful. Maybe looking for a silver lining confused and enraged the author, I wonder why?

As always mainstream media, if you'd like writers who can actually subtract and are willing to watch an entire hockey game, our contact info is in the sidebar, thanks. (N.B. Even if you pay us we'll still make fun of the Flyers, and you.)

Goalie Curtis Joseph, who is almost eligible for an AARP card, notched the win in a start necessitated by a suspension.

"Yo I looked you on Wikipedia... you old." Given the fact that this author can't keep a coherent line of thought flowing for more than two inches of a column, maybe the AARP joke started when he found his AARP acceptance letter from 1982 where it was thought to be lost forever in his shag carpeted house.

Perhaps the Leafs simply wanted to respond positively from the tongue-lashing the team had received from GM Brian Burke earlier in the day, told missing the playoffs for a team record fourth season in a row "represents failure." - The Star

After learning that the Leafs lost a fourth round pick last night, I'm pretty sure some variation of this conversation happened in the locker room:

Stempniak: If we don't win tonight Brian Burke said he'd shoot everyone I loved.

Mayers: Nah, he was probably just playing with you.

Stempniak: He showed me the gun.

In closing, I liked this little blurb on Christian Hanson who will be playing tomorrow night in Philly:

Christian said he first saw Slap Shot when he was 12 or 13. "I was in shock 'cause my dad is such a mild-mannered person around the house, a real gentleman."

Ok guys, show us what you got.