Everybody's Dressin' Funny

Jacques Demers – it’s not like he can read it anyway.

1. Bring back Antro at the right term and price. If we want guys to take an extended development route then guys like Antro will have to fill out the roster. The burger one is funny. We came up with quite a few in university too and it ALWAYS fell apart on the rules. The only time it worked was when my house decided to do the Pluto Challenge (two loaded double cheeseburgers and two poutines in an hour – two of us couldn’t do it and one did). Otherwise we failed on: most half-pound burritos at Taco Bell, most timbits, and most Krispy Kremes were a few that we came up with.
2. That’s a tough one. Actually, it’s not. Montreal Canadiens. Game.Set.Match.
3. The strangest thing was the way that Ron McLean basically blamed the league for Sutter’s inability to function under the cap. That kind of incompetence is why NFL teams have capologists.
4. Jiri “NSFW” Tlusty is a great one. There definitely needs to be a way for the media to pick up on players’ nicknames better. For example, calling Wellwood Wellfed. The Human Eraser would have been good if it was not a copycat one. Who needs one? Everyone that earns one.
5. Baseball on the radio isn’t that bad. For my last moments in a sport I’d like it to be like Wendel’s shift against the Devils and George Brett’s: my career in a nutshell. Maybe a big hit to get the puck, winning a race to the puck, before getting drilled (while still getting the pass to my teammate) who then buries the winning goal.

The single name I want off the cup is Peter Karmanos.

You are awesome MF37.

1) No. Antro’s time in Toronto has come and gone. It’s going to be maddening to watch him put it together somewhere else, because he has the potential. But our options for the Top 6 forwards slot are either hit an absolute home-run (Sedins, Lecavalier), or see what we’ve got in the kids. (NSFW, Kulemin, Grabs, etc…)

2) I’m going to take this question to mean that if I chose someone who won multiple Cups, only the one instance I chose would disappear. With that interpretaion,

I chose Mark Messier. 1994.

Because he still gets to keep the Oiler Cups and be recognized as the HOF’er he is. But by taking away his Ranger Cup, the following things would happen:

-ESPN Classic would recongize that hockey was played before and after the 94 playoffs.
-They never would have created the stupid Messier award for leadership, (I’ll spare you the rant about how fitting it was that Sundin won the first Messier award) when Yzerman was an infinitely better choice for such an award, and also Stevie Y never EFFIN LEFT HIS TEAM TO CHASE THE MONEY!!!
-Every idiot wouldn’t feel the need to guarantee their team wins. (Wait, then Alfredsson never would have made the guarantee in 2004, and… can I think about it?)

3) Darryl Sutter is an incredibly overrated GM, who basically fluked his way to the FInals in 04 because his goalie got hot, Iginla turned into Black Messier, and the big 3 in the East (PHI, OTT, TOR) all beat the hell out of each other to allow Tampa to sneak through the back door. And all that said, he’s still 10x the GM Ferguson was.

4) Hockey players have always shown themselves to be pretty unimagintive with nicknames; pretty much the only nicknames they ever come up with are taking the first syllable of the guy’s last name, and adding a plural ‘s’ or a ‘y’ as needed.

Normally not a fan of stealing somebody’s nickname. I find it hilarious that Bill Simmons refuses to call LaDainlian Tomlinson LT out of respect for Lawrence Taylor; he calls him LDT. But given the awful string of nicknames in the ESPN era, if we tried to come up with a nickname for John Mitchell, would you rather steal a nickname nobody uses anymore, or call him J-Mitch?

5) Since the obvious answer would be something like scoring the Cup-winning goal in OT of Game 7, I’ll go a different direction. My goals would be it would immortalize my career, and it would be mentioned within 2 minutes of any discussion of my career, and that it would give me immense satisfaction,

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnKxV9ilsqo

That looks about right.

1a – yes, at around 3.5 a year
1b – 19, and yes I have done this before
2 – what PPP said
3- the answer to every micro-question in there is `magic`
4- the media just needs to pick up on all the nicknames used at PPP, were good at that
5- ending the career of a player like Ulf Samuelsson, because no matter how the rest of my career had gone, at the very least I`d be remembered as the dude who gave a cheap shotting asshole his just deserts

1) No Antro. There is better UFA talent on the market this summer who, if signed, would make a much bigger impact and provide better leadership to the influx of youngsters.
15. I could eat 15 hamburgers. (I’ve already done the TB Grande Meal in 20 minutes)
2) Wayne Gretzky. Yeah. That’s right. Gretzky.
3) Because Ken King doensn’t have the balls to fire Sutter.
4) I like Jiri “NSFW” Tlusty, but it will nevery take off because the media would figure out why he’s called that and never show in on TV as to not stain the minds of the children.
5) I’d want my last shift to play out like the ending of Slapshot with me being on the ice for the last minute of a game and then starting to strip off my gear as the clock ticked down, ultimately ending with the horn going off and me at center nice in nothing but my skates, socks, and jock.

1. Antropov – Yes. I want him back. As for the burgers I figure I could eat about 9. When I volunteered at Variety Village one year and we got free McD burgers I ate 4 but that wasn’t a challenge it was just lunch so 9 seems like a reasonable goal. We had challenges in uni. Most milk without puking, most suicide wings without drinking, some others I don’t remember or that are NSFW.
2. Jacques Lemaire.
3. I think the special edition for when Burke makes a cap mistake is already being written. Sather would have been devoured by Cox et al.
4. I agree with Jared. Any nickname that this site has come up with is gold.
5. My last shift would be perfect if it was like the Clark-McSorley fight with me being on the Clark end but then again we’d all want to be God

1. No. I like how this team is being molded. No need for a nostalgia tour. Thanks for the memories Antro.

2. Harold Ballard

3. I can’t even answer that question. Seriously, there are no words…

4. Although not a Leaf, the greatest nickname has to be the Little Ball of Hate, Pat Verbeek. Nicknames seem too forced now, not as natural as the days of yore. Of our current squad, Tlusy has got it hands down. too bad we’ll never hear it announced. Human Eraser will have to do…

5. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about something like this question as intently as I just did. Metaphorically speaking, I’d like to think it would be something along the same line as George Brett’s answer. Jump the boards, skate hard, take a hit, give a hit, line change. That’s the game kid…

1. I’d bring Antro back but only on a low-cost, short-term contract but I’m doubtful he’d sign such a deal. I think I could do 12 burgers, but might push myself further depending on peer pressure.

2. For no reason I hate Darryl Sydor. I’d likely lop off his cup win in Dallas, or maybe Tampa

3. If Sutter were GM in Toronto and the Leafs were in as much disarray as the Flames no other sporting event would get any coverage. People would have to phone friends at the game to find out Jays scores. Chris Bosh could get traded and the papers wouldn’t have room to report it. It would be all-Leafs all the time.

4. NSFW is the ideal nickname for this social-media age and I do hope it takes off. Of note, the Leafs will lose a great sports nickname when Cujo hangs ’em up later this summer.

5. My last shift – a penalty kill protecting a lead with a minute or so to go in the third. I chip the puck out and head for a safe change.

1. No, but if he wants to pursue the Leafs, keep the line open. Sign for no more than 2.5 mil, and you get one of the cheapest 20 goal scorers going. I refuse to answer the Mac D question as I do not consider those things ‘burgers.’

2. Alfredsson – he’s on there right? He must be, as he promised to win it. We all know Swedes don’t break their promises…(the bitterness level is palpable)

3. The shitstorm would be quite bad, but I’ll take a Sutter, pretty much any Sutter, over JFJ.

4. Leaf’s nicknames suck, pretty much all tied for worst/last, tho if we get the Monster, that would be epic. I’d prefer ‘The Flash’ for Tlusty.

5. My last shift? Probably something every player who went in on a forecheck has wanted to do. Chip the puck in, Goalie goes behind the net and Kaboom – give him the hard shoulder. Especially if it was someone like Hasek, or another Louganis-type goalie diver.

1. Antro – to fill a short term void, sure. One year contract, great. If more, then has to be extremely cost-beneficial.
2. Bourque. No question about it.
3. He’s caught up in playing catchup, and it’s gonna end bad.
4. The Man-Grabs-Lemon line is a pretty cool nickname.
5. I think I’d like my last shift to cause Joe Bowan to announce “Holy Mackinaw”, but this would mean more back in the day when he didn’t say it too often. Perhaps a very nice, very legal hipcheck. You don’t see too many of those done these days. At least not the huge ones.

William “Bashin’ Bill” Barilko

first, I would like to thank mf37 for giving me a craving for McD’s hamburgers despite the fact that I’m trying to eat healthy and slim down for bikini season!

1. No. I really have a soft spot for Antro, but I think he needs to go elsewhere now. Bringing back vets will probably impede the youngun’s taking over the dressing room, and I want different leaders in there now.
Possibly I could eat about 10 burgers. Maybe more, I can really stuff it in.
2. Ooooh I was originally gonna say Mark Messier, for may of the same reasons as clraiken, but then I saw that Harold Ballard’s name was on there and yes please take him off.
3. There is no measurement for the media storm that would happen if Sutter was our GM. Playing with less than a full roster of players because you’ve used up your cap space is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. He has definitely been lucky, but paying Phaneuf and Kipper as much as he has shows his shortcomings. He needs to go.
4. CuJo has always been a favourite nickname of mine. Sundin’s gotta be the worst, as he doesn’t have a nickname and yet was our captain for a long time!
5. As a professional athlete…. man, I can’t answer this question. I would be killed on my first shift if I attempted any professional sport.

I love that I can come here, read about a Leafs fan’s college apartment in ‘93, see that the text scrolls below my screen, and know it’s going to be worth it to make it to the end. Some non-Leafs fan answers:

1. Cripes, are McDonald’s different in Canada?! Because I couldn’t get through three of those things without spontaneous internal combustion. Even in college.
2. Claude Lemieux. Or Verbeek. Either “little ball of hate” pulled enough dirty crap to delete the “oh, but what a playoff performer” narrative.
3. Bahahahaha! So funny, so true. The yin and yang of an insane media market. Neither incompetence nor genius is tolerated, because there are pages to fill.
4. I’ve no data (though NSFW is great), just wanted to echo the sentiment. Mandatory decent nicknames should be priority #2 in the next CBA negotiations.
5. OT Game 7 is so obvious I can’t think of an other I’d honestly rather have. But if I had to script it, it would be at home, in a goalmouth scramble, poking the puck in where I am the first one in the building to know that it’s a goal. That moment between a player’s realization of what’s happened (as he starts to jump), followed by the ref pointing his arm, and the home fans belting out the first milliseconds of that collective “…yyyyyyyyeeeeah” is a great moment in time. The sustained crowd roar is one fantastic sound; but that first “yyyy” at the beginning of the explosion is some metaphysical sh, uh, stuff.

What a tremendous post. Damn, I’m not getting anything done at work today.

1. I love Antro, but it’s contingent on the plan. I actually think he’d rule on a line with the Sedins. If we’re getting him just to get a forward, I think that makes no sense. Don’t see it happening though. And 10-12 of the burgers, I’m not a big dude.

2. Don Cherry, oh whoops! Kelly Hrudey.

3. Sutter has done a truly awful job, yeah,

4. Jiri NSFW better catch on, I invented it. After getting my tax refund, I was planning on getting a Tlusty T-shirt. Maybe I should go the whole 9 and get a jersey that says “NSFW 11” Reminds me of the Graham Rix story. When he was assistant manager of Chelsea, he was convicted of sleeping with a 15 year aold girl. A bunch of Arsenal fans bought Chelsea kit that read “RIX 15” on the back.

5. I’m working on playing my first hockey shift. Dominik’s answer is awesome. In baseball, line drive single back up the middle, or sliding triple to right, then stealing home to win the game on the next play.

1. Antro, yes, if cheap. Burgers, before 25, I could do 12-15…nowadays, 6 maybe. Death follows.
2. no sure, I like PPP’s answer, Montreal Canadiens, or heck, just the word Montreal. Or Ballard, how the fuck did that happen ( I know I know, he was around during the 60s) honestly the list is long.
3. Darryl Sutter would be have been brought in with huge fanfare, and summarily executed in Nathan Phillips Square shortly before dawn, by Maple Leaf Judge Jury and Executioner Wendel Clark, solely for the fact he would have traded away Schenn for Aucoin.
4. My gf votes that calling Kaberle, sweetcheeks is the best course of action. I like Splodeybones 2.0 the best.
5. My last shift, scoring a goal into an empty net, from my own zone, or getting into a nice tussle with a great rival.