Five Questions for the Dog Days of Hockey Season

1. From my POV, Bettman is the most hated personality in hockey and no, I do not believe he will ever find that redemption, even in death. A more Micheal Jackson-ish figure would probably be Todd Bertuzzi, who I could see being redeemed for his scoring ways pre-Moore incident.

2. Hmmm…. I think Berger dreams of being able to play with MLSE’s money. I really think his apparent disdain for Leaf fans comes from jealousy at how much money is made off of us, and how little of it he sees.

3. Whole-hearted, long-suffering love and devotion.

4. I actually see no need for the top 6 player push. This off-season, Burke has assured that we have a solid defense corps that I see as being able to give the young guys up front the ability to make mistakes while they learn. I think we have the talent to do better next season than we did this season, and that the desire for a top 6 forward is possibly because it’s always good to have someone who can show the young guys what to do. An ideal top 6 forward would be someone only about 22 who can grow with the guys we have fighting for spots this year. But to be honest, I would rather keep the roster positions open and wait until we’re into the season to trade, when I think teams may be more desperate for defensive depth.

5. Honorary captin for the Leafs? Clearly Mike Myers. Although I don’t understand this concept and have no desire to pick anyone for the Flyers.

He, along with the vast majority of inside-the-beltway types, isn’t worthy to lick the dirt from Cronkite’s shoes, and he knows it.

Hobnob with the big shots: As to upwardly mobile journalists hobnobbing with the bigshots, do you think Cronkite would have ever danced around a stage "rapping" with Karl Rove? I have seen some celebrity journalists roll their eyes when mentioning issues like making the tax system more progressive or getting us middle class types out of the health-care death spiral. I can’t possibly think this stuff comes our way unbiased and unfiltered. And while I completely and utterly concede that most journalists are likely very liberal when it comes to social issues like gay rights, it seems they are also more conservative in a self-interested sense, in terms of tax/health/fiscal policy. This is just how things work when we get our news from celebrity journalists making upper 6 and 7 figure incomes.

Howard Kurtz: Well, what’s the solution? Salary caps for journalists?

Look, let’s not put Cronkite on a pedestal. He was very well paid, even though he served before the era of multimillion-dollar salaries.

Yes, Howard, let’s not do that. After all, any comparison between him and you would only make you look like the totally useless tool that you really are.

Also, despite all the sunshine, I’m working on MBA #3. It’s just hard when you can drink coffee right on a riverside patio here with a good book.

5. That’s a no-brainer. JaredfromLondon, of course.

Ok, here’s the rules- helmets off during fights, and no breaking it up by the referee unless someone is bleeding. Turtling will result in a penalty shot by the opposing team. Lastly, Schenn says you’re all going to die.

1) I think Bettman is the most hated from the fans perspective and I doubt that would ever change whether he left the post or passed on. Players I think are different stories and could find that redemption, players like Bertuzzi and Avery could be remembered fondly

2) I think Berger may have actually wanted to be a player and then was shot down in a tryout by a Leaf Scout which is why he holds such scorn.

3) Blue and White, Forever and Always

4) I think that most people want to see a top 6 forward because they would see that as progress. To me it makes no difference, we are still rebuilding, if we get one great, if not no big deal. It would be nice to clear up the logjam of d-men but again I’m in no rush.

5) Since I’m in London I am going with myself for honourary captain, for the Flyers they can use one of the Homeless guys wandering around downtown that likes to yell at clouds – Go Flyers!

1- The most hated on-ice personality has to be Avery at this point. I can’t think of anyone else who draws as much ire as he does. As for his post-mortem remembrance: I think he’ll have a spot as one of the personalities that helped draw people back to the game. In an era where hockey has very little exposure in the States, stories about Avery running his mouth and interning at Vogue get the league at least a mention in American media. While I doubt he’ll ever go down as a saviour of the game, or anything but a ‘douchebag’ to most fans, there will be a few who’ll see him as one of the personalities that broke down barriers of what you expect when you hear the term ‘hockey player’.

2- Working Class Howard’s real dream is to be a fashion model, clearly. Check out the sweaters he wears on the daily. He’s dying to be a fashionista. To intern at Vogue. To be the Sean Avery of the mitten stringers.

3- I was saved by the Barilkosphere.

4- Yes, I believe it is a sign of impatience. Adding one top 6 guy right now doesn’t push anything over the edge, and there’s no cup coming in 2009-2010.

5- Toronto – JfL, naturally. Philly – Random Purple Western Mustang Meathead. – Go Flyuers!

1. I don’t think it would be Bettman. I could see a guy like Chris Neil getting over-the-top plaudits for gritty play or Bertuzzi being a misunderstood soul which is disgusting.

2. Bill Watters’ dream is to have the Leafs beg him to come back to the team.

3. One Day They’ll Love Me Back

4. It’s a little bit of impatience and a little bit of a need to clear up the blueline problem. It’s also a function of Kaberle’s no trade clause kicking back in August 15th and possibly never being void again. Not to mention that it’s the nature of the beast for fans to want proven commodities over the chance that players will develop into what the team needs.

5. Toronto – Jared or Dale Hunter. Both are truculent. For Philadelphia – whichever UWO whooooore stumbles off of the team bus first.

1. If Danny stays in Ottawa, Heater gets the nod. I do however think that when people die, it’s “better” to try and find the good in them rather than their drunk driving resulting in the death of a close friend, a professional athlete slated to make millions, and some poor mother’s little baby boy …. just sayin’.

1. - I would have to say that option number two “seeing the masses brurned to the ground by a not quite there sociopath” is what our Leafs media type look to acheive. Why else would they be so damn pissy all the time?!

1. - Think stalker watching Britney Spears naked.

1. - I think that the Leafs need a face. They need a captain. They need someone who is going to make the highlight reel more than be on the IR (Hagman, I’m lookin at you!). As rock solid and amazing as Schenn is and despite the unavoidable fact that he will one day captain this team. It’s ‘easier’ to rally behind a guy who dangles 4 players and scores with his eyebrow than a guy who plays a solid shut-down defense. We’ve addressed out goaltending problem, we’ve stocked piled more D than we know what to do with, and our forwards are very very deep in top6 guys …we just lack “top 3” guys (lack = totally missing). I think the need for that “top 6” guy is our next logical step. Trading our plethora of D is a good way to go about it. Use what you’ve got (cap space + defensmen).

1. - Leafs honorary captain should be douchebag that allowed the people who take the garbage off the side of the road g oon strike so that Prongers elbow can be forcefully inserted into his own stomach … via his nose. As for the Flyers … Mike Tyson maybe. Someone to help bridge the gap of communication.

1. Bettman is the most hated by far. I love Avery and never got worked up over Bertuzzi.
2. WCH’s real dream is to play for the Leafs.
3. What’s new pussycat? whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh!
4. I think the Leafs need a top-6 guy but there’s no rush. No need to sacrifice Kaberle etc. to get him
5. For the Leafs the celebrity captain should be Jack Bauer. Kiefer Sutherland was born in London. London, England but close enough. For the Flyers the celebrity captain should be TIGGER!

1 – Bettman, most universally hated by far. The Micheal Jackson award goes to Sundin. not that he ever did anything bad or disgusting (rental player issue not withstanding) he will be remembered after his retirement MUCH more fondly of than he was when he played.

2 – all Cox really wants is a hug

3 – Because easy love is for suckers

4 – I dont think this player needs an IMEDIATE top sixer, but the log jam needs to be cleaned up, too many NHL ready defensemen with players like Straleman who deserve a consistant shot at the bigs. Make some space for the youth on the back end, bring in some youth for the front end (picks prospects etc) I’d rather bring in a Hodgson or a Berglund who could use 1st line minuites in the minors than a Kessel.

5 – Me for the Leafs, My Manager for the Flyers (hes a flyers fan )

-1 Dany Heatley. Has to be the most despised NHL personality at least for this season. Gary Bettman is a really close 2nd. Bertuzzi 3rd. I can’t imagine a post-mortem PR transformation for any of them except if Heatley did something dramatic, like run across the country for charity on one leg, and then got killed by a speeding motorist.

-2 I think Bob MacKenzie likes to imagine that he’s a sherrif in the Old West, maybe like Hackman in Unforgiven. He’d look great in his rocking chair on the porch, wearing in a black cowboy hat, leather chaps, loosely rolled cigarette dangling from his lips, shotgun resting comfortably on his lap. “Play the game the way it’s supposed to be played or get yer ass blown to heaven” is what he would say to new strangers arriving in town.

-3 How Creepy Glenn Sabotaged Our Future

-4 Ummm… Is the answer, “Welcome to Loserville”?

-5 Vote 4 Jared.

1) Most hated man in hockey is a three-way tossup between Gary Bettman (for obvious reasons), Todd Bertuzzi (for equally obvious reasons), and Kerry Frasier (because the hatred for that man from Leafs Nation is probably greater than anyone else’s hatred of almost anything else. Except Steve Moore’s for Bertuzzi). However for “Most likely to pull a Jacko”, I’m going to go with Dany Heatley. The fact that he killed a teammate and is a general douche-bag will be long forgotten.

2) No clue.

3) Hope springs eternal in human breast.

4) We need to clear the logjam at defense, but other than that, I fail to see the need to shell out big for a top-six player. We’ve got a solid defense, hopefully solid goaltending, and in spite of what some people are saying, I think we’ll score. Not on the level that Detroit or Chicago will, but at least enough to be competitive. Let’s take another year and see where Tlusty/Bozak/Stahlburg/Hanson/Kadri/et al go

5) Wendel Clark for the Leafs. The Flyers will be shitting themselves for fear that he might – just MIGHT actually take the ice. The Flyers can have Mike Myers for linguistic reasons.

1. Not sure. Bettman is the winner here I think. He tried to help the game, he just forget this isn’t basketball.
2. Berger wishes he wrote for the Toronto Star, where they love the Leafs.
    Cox just wishes he was covering a more civilized and less truculent sport like badminton.
3. Venegance will be ours to savour
4. I think signing a top 6 isn’t happening. Unloading a defenseman or two for one, or someone who may develop into one, with the opportunity is acceptable
5. Tie Domi for the Leafs, The asshat who fell in the penalty box with Tie for the Flyers (fight to the death)
5. a) Felix Potvin vs Ron Hextall…death match 2!

The Patriots can use Elton John as an honorary Captain because they’re good enough that they don’t care who makes fun of them. They could wear pink tights and change their team name to the Unicorns and they’ll be the ones laughing at the end of the season.

1. Claude Lemieux – veteran player with a heart for the game and a nose for the net. he never gave up (except for that one time he turtled against Draper…but that’ll be unmentioned at the memorial I’m sure.) We sometimes forget how universally disliked the guy was…

2. I honestly don’t fantasize much about sport’s journalists, but I do get the impression they fall into one of two camps: unregulated fanboys or bitter, jaded sports fans who couldn’t hack it as pro atheletes.

3. Leaf junkie, no hope of recovery

4. A pragmatic solution to the log jam on D. No sense in having players to just take up space and make millions from the press box, watching games. I don’t know that we need to go gangbusters, but an even player for player swap would suit me fine. Add some depth to the front, and subtract from the back.

5. Honorary Leafs Captain – Rachel McAdams (London Ont native and I assume drop dead gorgeous in a leafs uni…)

Honorary Flyers Captain – Danny Bonaduce

1. I’m not sure Bettman will ever be viewed by the fans with much affection. Maybe moreso by the owners and execs.
2. Berger and Cox both dream of being the cool kids in high school beating up the nerds, as opposed to the other way around. (This is the reason I think they love to pick on the jocks so much now.)
3. Value the journey, not the destination.
4. I say let our young guys develop. This is still a work in progress. No need to rush.
5. Staying with musical artists and with Burke’s overall theme…Rob Zombie for the Leafs……Celine Dione for the Flyers.

3. Old team moved, stunk, hello Toronto.

One Cup please, in my lifetime.

i’m quite surprised at the number of columns I’m seeing from football writers thinking Vick deserves to be back in the NFL.

That guy was the walking plague when he was convicted. You couldn’t keep track of the number of words spent to say what a waste of air he was, but how, some dumb NFL owner will take a chance on him someday.

Now, here are the writers, begging the owners to do the one thing they thought was stupid.

1. Dany Heatley
2. Easy. GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs winning the Stanley Cup (ie Brian Burke in 2012)
3. I’d rather stay in Saturday night
4. Yes.
5. Leafs: Gord Downie. Flyers: Mike Tyson

I’ll bleed blue and white forever.

1- Hard to say, I mean some people just cant be forgiven ie Ballard
2 – I think they all wanna see the Leafs make it to the Cup finals, just to say how close they were and rip them for not winning it
3 – Simple and to the point : Toronto Maple Leafs, I love you.
4- Impatience. Give the young guys a chance to show they can shine. If they fail, then think about it
5- Leafs – Clark. Flyers – Rocky. Then make them go 12 rounds in the main event.

1. Right now I’d say Heatley is most-hated on-ice and Bettman off-ice. Believe it or not I think Bettman’s rememberance will be more positive than Heatley’s. Mostly because it would be owners and other hockey execs who would be the most interviewed regarding his passing and they would be overwhelmingly effusive in their praise. Not sure how many players would be asked about Bettman but I’d say few, and of course regular fans would likely be almost completely ignored. Meanwhile Heatley will have that “killed his teammate” incident on his ledger, and the negative feelings surrounding that sort of thing never go away.

2. I suspect most of them wish they could play the game. Failing that, they probably picture being surrounded by hangers-on and yes-men, constantly telling them how smart they are and oh if only the Leafs would listen to your nuggets of wisdom, what a powerful team they might be!!

3. Pure, undying loyalty. Or a disease.

4. Probably impatience. Hell I’m pretty impatient too, I want to see the Leafs win, like, yesterday! But it has to be done right. For the first time in a long time I see a semblance of a plan to make this work, let’s not screw it up by falling into impatience and panic. There are some young kids who need a chance to prove themselves, let’s give it to them.

5. If it can’t be a fan (JARED! JARED!), then a former player for the Leafs… Wendel, of course! For the Flyers, I’d vote my dad’s co-worker, who is a Flyers fan and a giant douchebag. Then he can either face the wrath of the Pythons or get his blood punched out by Wendel!

3. Distance makes my Leafs too abstract

1. Harold Ballard. Fortunately, he is gone already.

Among the living…probably Gary Bettman…I dunno about Michael Jackson-style transformations…maybe if they put Sean Avery’s face on him or something…

2. Howard Berger and Damien Cox seem to want the opposite of the Stanley Cup. If the Leafs don’t finish 30th, it was a wasted season. Even if they lose games in November that really matter.

3. I need just three words… Go Leafs Go :)

4. Brian Burke knows what he’s doing…if he can make a trade for a top six forward and it makes sense, he will. If not…it probably won’t matter anyway. Rome was not built in a day. (Maybe two days.) ;)

5. Leafs co-captains: Brian Burke and Ron Wilson. Flyers co-captains: Howard Berger and Damien Cox. Let the pwnage begin. :)

1. Gotta go with the masses and say the most despised person in the NHL is Gary Bettman. He will never get the Michael Jackson treatment. If he suddenly drops dead, hockey fans will be dancing in the streets…except for the six in Phoenix.

2. Berger dreams of putting Ron Wilson in a headlock while Sean McCormick lays a beating on him. This all happens in November of course.

3. Passionately devoted while drinking Kool Aid

4. I think bringing in a top 6 forward not only brings us closer to a playoff team, it will also help develop some of our youngsters assuming they can provide them with some leadership. Getting rid of the log jam on D would just be killing two birds with one stone.

5. Leafs won’t have an honorary captain. They’ll have 3 honorary alternate captains instead. The three being Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart of Rush. The Flyers would of course pick somebody who not only represents their city but their team mentality as well. Who else could do that better than the Saugeen Stripper?

1) Todd Bertuzzi hard hitter with a soft head!

2) Al Strachan dreams that anyone anywhere at any time liked him or found him sexy.

3) No recent cups one coming soon.

4) See above.

5) Leafs; Buster Douglas Flyers; Mike Tyson.

1. Kyle Whalewood – he washes himself with a rag on a stick

2. Kelly Hrudy using a dictionary to attack Tiger Williams (screw you Kelly!)

3. Kerry Fraser sucks donkey balls

4. Top 6 forward means pretty, pretty goals.

5. mm… Leafs: Little mac, Flyers: Soda Popinski