Editor's Note: Take this first book and spread the Good News in the hopes that Brunswick Bruiser will continue to act as the prophet of Brian Burke.
Ahem. Good people of the Barilkosphere, I bring to you this day the Good News. And it is good, indeed.
A reading from the book of Rebuild.
001:001 In the beginning Burke created the rebuild and the plan.
001:002 And the plan was without form, and void; and darkness was
upon the face of the fan. And the Spirit of Burke moved upon
the face of the free agent market.
001:003 And Burke said, Let there be truculence: and there was truculence.
001:004 And Burke saw the truculence, that it was good: and Burke divided the
defense from the offense.
001:005 And Burke called the defense monstrous, and the offense he called
hard-working. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
001:006 And Burke said, Let there be competition in the midst of the
defense, and let it divide the ones who want the job from the slackers.
001:007 And Burke made the competition, and divided the players which were
phoning it in from the players which were
competing: and it was so.
001:008 And Burke called the competition healthy. And the evening and the
morning were the second day.
001:009 And Burke said, Let the players under the competition be gathered
together unto one place, and let the AHL affiliate appear: and it
001:010 And Burke called the AHL affiliate Marlies; and the gathering together
of the players called the Maple Leafs: and Burke saw that it was good and truculent.
yielding potential, and the draft pick yielding fruit after his
kind, whose potential is in itself, upon the Marlies: and it was so.
001:012 And the Marlies brought forth prospects, and talent yielding potential
after its kind, and the draft pick, whose talent was in
itself, after his kind: and Burke saw that it was good after some conditioning and filling out.
001:013 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
001:014 And Burke said, Let there be signings in the competition of the
Maple Leafs to push the players who need incentive; and let them be for
skill, and for strength, and for truculence, and stay-at-home defense:
001:015 And let them be for bright spots in the competition of the Maple Leafs to
give hope upon the fans: and it was so.
001:016 And Burke made two truculent signings; the greater signing to rule the
defense, and the lesser signing to rule the fourth line: he re-signed Grabs also.
001:017 And Burke set them in the lineup of the Maple Leafs to give hope
upon the fans,
001:018 And to rule over the defense and over the fourth line, and to divide the
opponent from his bladder control: and Burke saw that it was good.
001:019 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
001:020 And Burke said, Let the Draft bring forth abundantly the moving
forward that hath skill, and talent that may fly past the opponent
in the open ice.
001:021 And Burke drafted Kadri, and man that kid that
moveth, and boy was Brian Murray angry, after the
same guy was he, and every Sens fan had to settle for Cowen: and Burke saw that
it was good.
001:022 And Burke blessed the Maple Leafs, saying, Be forceful, and mutilate, and
fill the net with pucks, and let points multiply in the
001:023 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
001:024 And Burke said, Let the Swedish Elite League bring forth the monstrous creature
after his kind, size, and good speed, and excellent reflex
after his kind: and it was so.
001:025 And Burke signed the Monster of the net after his kind, and everyone
else tried to get him, and nothing they could do would help, and also Carey Price sucks.
and Burke saw that it was good.
001:026 And Burke said, Let us make Schenn in our image, after our
likeness: and let him have dominion over the Sens of Bryan Murray,
and over the Habs of Bob Gainey, and the Bruins, and over
the Sabres (like that will be hard), and over every team that comes near
001:027 So Burke created Schenn in his own image, in the image of Truculence
created he him; huge and vicious created he him.
001:028 And Burke blessed him, and Burke said unto him, Be forceful, and
mutilate, and hit cleanly, and subdue goons: and have
dominion over the blue line, and neutral zone,
and over every living thing that messeth around in our crease.
001:029 And Burke said unto Wilson, Behold, I have given you every prospect bearing
talent, which is upon the face of all the Marlies, and every draft pick,
in which is the fruit of a pick yielding potential; to you it
shall be for wins.
001:030 And to every beast of the blue line, and to every swift forward,
and to every goalkeeper, wherein there is truculence,
I have given the will to compete: and it was so.
001:031 And Burke saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was
very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
In Nomine Clarki, et Schennis, et Spiritus Burkus, Amen.