PPP, Chemmy, Wrap, East Loop and ... er ... Jared. (not exactly as pictured).
I'm kinda new to this here corner of the Barilkosphere and I really know diddley about the candidates currently running for PPP Ubergruppenfuhrer. But before I cast my vote I like to know a little something about the personal qualities, depth of character and general Leafs knowledge of the person(s) who ultimately will be dictating by liquored-up capricious royal fiat over the more pedestrian of us. Since time is short I have put together a short quiz which I ask all candidates to complete to the best of their ability in order that we, the unwashed voters, may decide.
1. Toronto is the center of:
a) the universe
b) Outer Canuckistan
c) the Barilkosphere
2. Maple Leaf Gardens was built by Conn Smythe during the depression and is famous for:
a) being built for 3 million dollars in less than a year
b) being the home to Carlton the Bear
c) hosting Rush and Styx concerts in the 1970's
d) being made entirely out of bacon
Fatprick Quim Patrick Quinn is one of many Leaf players who have gone on to coach the team after their playing careers ended. Name the Leafs coach below who did not previously play for the Leafs:
a) Ron Wilson
b) Red Kelly
c) Floyd Smith
d) Damien Cox
4. Lee Stempniak can best be described as:
a) a potential 40 goal scorer
b) a potential 40 goal scorer in the AHL
c) a potential 40 goal scorer in the English league
d) as truculent as jello with them little marshmellers in it
5. Nik Antropov can best be described as:
a) a Kazakh with hands as soft as a yak's udder
b) an underachieving giant
c) the source of much fan disappointment during his tenure in Toronto
d) Wayne Primeau without the speed
6. Overall Education is an important factor in running a high-tech empire like PPP. Which best describes your level of education:
a) Completed high-school.
b) Undergraduate degree in something totally useless like philosophy, sociology or psychology so it's this gig
or delivering pizzas
c) Thirty years of schooling (Grade 10 thrice)
d) Raised by wolves.
7. The whole pants issue. Where do you stand on pants?
b) no pants
c) one leg at a time like everyone else
d) I don't wear the pants in the family
8. If you are to be elected PPP Pontiff, when can we expect to see significant changes in the content of the site:
b) within the next six months
c) incrementally as changes are required
d) in November when it matters
9. What is the weight of a swallow?
10. Fill in the blanks in the following story: Eight-year-old Jeremy wanders into his parents' bedroom and encounters his father in chaps and his mother in a sombrero going at it like teenagers. Pausing mid-stroke, with a grin and a laugh, Jeremy's father tells him to go to his room and that he'll be in to read him a bed-time story in 5 minutes. Jeremy goes sullenly to his room. Five minutes later Jeremy's father walks into Jeremy's room and finds him jackhammering his granny like a pornstar. Jeremy sneers at him over his shoulder, "It's not so fucking funny when it's your Mommy, is it?? ______ ______ "
a) Ya Bastid !!
b) So there !!
c) Bite me !!
d) GO FLYERS!!