Söme Åssembly Required.
by Mattblack on Sep 19, 2009 6:21 AM EDT
in From The Branches
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Hellö everybödy ånd welcöme tö flåt påck, self-åssembly FTB, dåted Såturdåy September 19th. Pleåse tö be ensuring thåt yöu håve å cleån, well ventilåted spåce för this cönstructiön. Ensure nöt tö inhåle töö much funky glue, lest yöu end up like writing like Eyebleåf. Åre we reådy, super röck furniture fåns? Let’s be göing!
- STEP ÖNE – Kit will include måny, måny pieces öf pieces öf PhilKessel. First tåke items mårked Dr Steve, Döwn Göes Bröwn, mf37/bitter leåf, jrwendelmån, HöckeyCentric ånd Måple Leåf Höt Stöve ånd plåce tö öne side.
- STEP TWÖ – Isölåte items mårked Töröntö Spörts Mediå, Puck Dåddy, Höckey Ånålysis, NHL Fånhöuse, Båttle öf New Yörk ånd Stånley Cup öf Chöwder ånd åttåch tö cörrect pieces listed åböve. Prestö! Yöu håve built Mönöbåll PhilKessel! Påt ön båck ånd retire för teåcup.
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STEP THREE – Tåke å stride båck fröm PhilKessel jöy/wörry. Plåne preseåsön gåme three review by TML Nåtiön tö å smööth finish ånd åwåit STEP FÖUR.
- STEP FÖUR – Åh! Möst wönderful öf åll steps! Åffix 10 things nöt tö be töö excited åböut fröm cåmp by Dr Steve tö item prepåred in STEP THREE. Leåve för måny höurs tö set.
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STEP FIVE – During måny höurs, tåke måny steps döwn the låne öf the memöry with Vintåge Leåfs.
- STEP SIX – Önce dry fröm teårs öf memöry, tåke in pictöriål evidence fröm Gen. Börschevsky ånd the TRUTHULENCE. Burn evidence. Leåve NÖ tråce öf STEP SIX (möst impörtånt).
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STEP SEVEN – Löök upön yöur wörk ånd be pröud. Åpply tö sing söngs öf påtriötic fever åt löcål spörting event, feåturing Leåfs öf Töröntö.
- STEP EIGHT – Put seriöus håt ön för å while ånd leårn åböut clösure öf löcål höckey fåcility in Dållås – Actually, you should really check this out - it's a good read.
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Agreed, no offence to any other FTB’er. Umlauts, for goodness sake – UMLAUTS!!!1
Mattblack is full of win.
jrwendelman
The Artist Formerly Known as "Junior", who blogs at heroesinrehab.ca/blog
"But if someone so eager to engage into fist talk, we can always meet after season end in Minsk." (Mikhail Grabovski and a well-meaning but not particularly skillful translator)
by jrwendelman on Sep 19, 2009 8:52 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
agreed
love it Mattblack!
"Sanity is not statistical." - George Orwell, a Leafs fan...
Stalk me here...
by blurr1974 on Sep 19, 2009 1:25 PM EDT up reply actions
Man, that was challenging on my eyes. All those little symbols above the vowels freak me out. I need to go back bed maybe.
Skol!
by general borschevsky on Sep 19, 2009 8:14 AM EDT reply actions
my brain hurts
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 8:16 AM EDT up reply actions
I would like to put in early dibs on the “Two and a Half Men” Line for whatever line Phil Kessel plays on this season. You’re welcome!
"I'd walk into the Leafs dressing room to get ready for the day and Harold would be there in his boxer shorts shaving. King Clancy would drop by a little later, play the fool, and then head off to the racetrack." John Brophy
by Mike Pelyk's Hairdo on Sep 19, 2009 8:23 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Funniest shit I've read all morning...
Yeah those “championship-starved” fans in Boston… must be really hard living with championships in Basketball, Football, AND Baseball in the past 5 years. Can somebody say hot steaming pile of crap covered douchebags?
AND yes I know some people that “run” things around here like the Patriots and Red Sox… but seriously… joke…laughing …
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
- Sir Winston Churchill
I'm pretty sure he's talking about the Leafs.
On the other hand, if you’re primarily a Bruins fan and you see everyone else winning championships, it gets annoying. I’m glad they did, though, especially since it puts pressure on the Bruins to succeed.
I’d trade 17 NBA championships for one more stanley cup.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 19, 2009 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions
And that’s why we love CH.
"We've had an ongoing problem with Grabovski this year." Bob Gainey, 4/04/09
awwwwwwww
Now get out there and overpressure Phil.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 19, 2009 1:15 PM EDT up reply actions
nah we’re waiting till november
when, well you know
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 1:18 PM EDT up reply actions
He’ll still be rehabbing his shoulder?
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 19, 2009 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions
yup
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 2:01 PM EDT up reply actions
There are 10 million Leaf fans who will do that just fine.
"We've had an ongoing problem with Grabovski this year." Bob Gainey, 4/04/09
Don’t forget the media!
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 19, 2009 1:51 PM EDT up reply actions
But they are the most forgettable part…
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 19, 2009 2:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Not if you’re a boring ugly introvert who is now the highest-paid player on the team.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 19, 2009 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions
I don’t care if he looks like Frankenstein and has the personality of a rock, as long as he scores goals.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 19, 2009 2:14 PM EDT up reply actions
I wonder what would happen if one ran this FTB through google translate into Swedish and then back into English
Un ananas (truculent) qui parle? Impossible!
Gibberish
It’s not even close to actual Swedish… lol
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
- Sir Winston Churchill
I'm pretty sure he's talking about the Leafs.
by Steve Burtch on Sep 19, 2009 8:46 AM EDT up reply actions
BUt... the umlauts would
confuse the hell out of it.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
- Sir Winston Churchill
I'm pretty sure he's talking about the Leafs.
by Steve Burtch on Sep 19, 2009 8:46 AM EDT up reply actions
that’s why I’m wondering. I know it’s English with umlauts.
Un ananas (truculent) qui parle? Impossible!
My apologies
lack of sleep is interfering with my brain’s usual function at this hour.
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
- Sir Winston Churchill
I'm pretty sure he's talking about the Leafs.
by Steve Burtch on Sep 19, 2009 8:59 AM EDT up reply actions
Hmmm.. Complete nonsense...
Hellö everybödy ånd welcöme tö flåt påck self åssembly FTB dåted Såturdåy September 19th. Pleåse tö pray ensuring thåt yöu håve å cleån well ventilåted spåce för this cönstructiön. Ensure nöt tö inhåle töö much function glue lest yöu end invite peer writing peer Eyebleåf. Åre we reådy , sup röck furniture fåns? Let’s pray göing!
STEP ÖNE â€" Kit will include mÃ¥ny mÃ¥ny pieces öf pieces öf PhilKessel. First tÃ¥ke items mÃ¥rked Dr Steve Döwn Göes Bröwn , mf37/ bitter leÃ¥f jrwendelmÃ¥n HöckeyCentric Ã¥nd MÃ¥ple LeÃ¥f Höt Stöve Ã¥nd plÃ¥ce tö öne silk.
STEP TWÖ â€" IsölÃ¥te items mÃ¥rked Töröntö Spörts Media , Hump DÃ¥ddy Höckey Ã…nÃ¥lysis NHL FÃ¥nhöuse BÃ¥ttle öf New Yörk Ã¥nd StÃ¥nley Cup öf Chöwder Ã¥nd Ã¥ttÃ¥ch tö cörrect pieces catalogue Ã¥böve. present Yöu hÃ¥ve built MönöbÃ¥ll PhilKessel! PÃ¥t ön bÃ¥ck Ã¥nd retire för teÃ¥cup.
STEP THREE â€" TÃ¥ke Ã¥ contention bÃ¥ck fröm PhilKessel jöy wörry. PlÃ¥ne preseÃ¥sön gÃ¥me three revise village TML NÃ¥tiön tö Ã¥ smööth finish Ã¥nd Ã¥wÃ¥it
STEP FÖUR. STEP FÖUR â€" Ã…h! %
Life as a Toronto Sports Fan?... *sigh*... It is what it is...
Hump DÃ¥ddy
bahahaha
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 9:29 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I bet the result is still more enjoyable and logically sound than any Howard Berger column,
jrwendelman
The Artist Formerly Known as "Junior", who blogs at heroesinrehab.ca/blog
"But if someone so eager to engage into fist talk, we can always meet after season end in Minsk." (Mikhail Grabovski and a well-meaning but not particularly skillful translator)
by jrwendelman on Sep 19, 2009 8:49 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
i love ikea and swedes
well done mattblack.
of course a swedish theme for the leafs is always appropriate given the greatest leaf of all time is swedish.
If we’re going to do Swedish music saturday morning, then here’s my offer-
Hurt You
"We've had an ongoing problem with Grabovski this year." Bob Gainey, 4/04/09
by kidkawartha on Sep 19, 2009 12:34 PM EDT up reply actions
hahaha...well done, Mr. Black, well done.
this FTB is Swedish Chef approved!
Brain: The irony of it all, Pinky. Years of trying to take over the world, and all I had to do was say "truculence".
Follow me I'm Boring!
by blindfolded tank driver on Sep 19, 2009 10:33 AM EDT reply actions
Bort bort bort
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on Sep 19, 2009 10:55 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I want to see Jared win the sing the anthem contest. We’ll get him all liquored up and have him wear a “Snes Suck” t-shirt at the last minute.
"We've had an ongoing problem with Grabovski this year." Bob Gainey, 4/04/09
I have the voice of an angel
an angel who cant sing
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 1:14 PM EDT up reply actions
I love Stalberg
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 19, 2009 2:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Hilarious Irony
The entire post was written with Swedish letting and accents, EXCEPT for the stuff about Stalberg, the only Swedish story on the list
The Handsome Man's Guide To Life- Tuxedos and Truculence.
Dude, I wrote that whole thing out and then replaced the umlaut characters one by one. If you think I’m ever writing another å, ä or ö again, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn that might be of interest to you.
Harder, better, faster, stronger because our work is never over.
hahah
not complaining, it just made me laugh.
Thank you very much for adding me to the list.
The Handsome Man's Guide To Life- Tuxedos and Truculence.
whenever I read your comments I use the British accent, and it is quite hilarious picturing someone say “dude” in a non-ironic way with a British accent
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 3:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Please substitute ‘chap’ for ‘dude’ in future.
Harder, better, faster, stronger because our work is never over.
pip pip pip
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 19, 2009 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
Diacritical marks!!!1 Playoffs!!!1 Excitement!!!1
Also, LOUD NOISES.
jrwendelman
The Artist Formerly Known as "Junior", who blogs at heroesinrehab.ca/blog
"But if someone so eager to engage into fist talk, we can always meet after season end in Minsk." (Mikhail Grabovski and a well-meaning but not particularly skillful translator)
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