I Keep Trash Bags With Me
by Chemmy on Sep 3, 2009 2:37 PM EDT
in Negative Nancy Notebook
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... Never known when you gotta dump a body. Noted optimist eyebleaf alerted me to this article posted on some Ottawa blog: A Brief Look at the Toronto Maple Leafs. We here at PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries and Kitten Petting Consortium LLC GmbH S.A. believe in equal opportunity team bashing and feel it's our duty as a captain of industry to respond to any and all poorly written articles that are derogatory about God's Team.
The Leafs bashing article starts off with this image which is hysterical if you and your dad both know your sister intimately and use that commonality as a basis for discussion at the dinner table. Be fair though. That the world outside of Ottawa has mostly moved on from insulting people based on their sexual preferences shouldn't cause us to judge their puerile insults harshly; they're misguided and it probably has something to do with the water in Ottawa. We should take pity on their wretched souls.
I despise the city of Toronto, and everything in it.
I hate driving through it. If I'm moving at all, I invariably get stuck behind some putz doing eighty, weaving all over eight lanes of the 401 because he's yammering on his cell phone.
So this guy is swerving over eight lanes of traffic and the author is stuck behind him? Either this guy really sucked at Frogger growing up or he's following some maniac to try and get a glimpse of his newfangled "cellular telephone". Don't worry buddy, mobile phone service will make its way out to Ottawa eventually. (Save your first phone, eventually it'll be cool in an ironic way. We call it the "Zack Morris".)
I hate flying over it. It happens every time. Just as I'm finishing my complimentary stale peanut and seven dollar thimble of Coors Light, the announcement comes: *kshhhht* "Ladies and uhhhhhh...gentlemen, this is your captain. If you'd...uhhhhh...care to look to your left, you'll see the tallest free standing structure in the world, the...uhhhhhh...CN Tower" No, actually, I can't see it. And do you know why I can't see it, you glorified fucking cabbie?? I'M IN AN AISLE SEAT, YOU FUCK!
Apparently Toronto sucks as a city because SLC sits on aisle seats in planes where his legs are cramped up. (N.B. Most people sitting in the aisle on a plane stick their legs into the aisle to use more leg room.) It can be weird leaving your tiny home and travelling to a city full of sights and sounds but if you approach it with an open mind the big city isn't so scary.
The Leafs last won a Stanley Cup in 1967. Since then, they've been a 42 year train wreck of mean, miserly, and hysterically incompetent ownership, interspersed with just enough success to keep a fawning Leaf Nation from finally waking the fuck up and questioning whether maybe, just maybe, there may not be a better way of going about things than grabbing its ankles and begging for more.
This is my favorite game. The Ottawa Senators last won the Stanley Cup in "never", despite one of their players scoring a cup winning goal in 2007. The team the Ottawa Senators stole their name from was wildly successful, winning the Stanley Cup in 1927 and then being moved to St. Louis before being dissolved because no one wanted to see them play. To quote Wikipedia:
Despite finishing in last place for the second year in a row, the Senators actually improved their attendance over the previous season.
Terrible team? Financial trouble? Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, no?
(Dear Leaf Nation: For those of you too young to remember, or otherwise unfamiliar, the Stanley Cup Final is the round that comes after the...ah, fuck it...never mind). The other 2.4% will come from snickering opponents as they dance and whirl around, through and over the Leafs paleolithic defence on the way to yet another power play goal. Sorry Leafers, there really is nothing else behind the curtain.
Courtesy of Excel Emperor daoust:
Regular Season - since 92/93
| W | L | T | OTL | SOL | |
| TOR | 610 | 495 | 112 | 36 | 25 |
| OTT | 559 | 547 | 115 | 34 | 22 |
Playoffs - since 92/93
| GP | W | L | Series Won | |
| TOR | 132 | 66 | 66 | 10 |
| OTT | 103 | 49 | 54 | 8 |
Ottawa will be icing a top six D of Kuba, Phillips, Volchenkov, Lee, Picard and Campoli. I don't need to say anything witty about that.
From Tiger Williams through Nick Kypreos, Tie Domi, Mark Bell, Darcy Tucker, and Gary Fucking Roberts (Yeah, I said it!), the Leafs boast a proud history of cheap shotting, chicken shit cock gobblers who won't hesitate to spear, slew foot, dive, whine, cry, or bleed on cue if it means they won't have to answer for their pussified behaviour on the ice.
Aside from crashing his teammates into trees Dany Heatley loves to kick people, Daniel Alfredsson shoots pucks at the other team after the whistle when his team is getting smeared and as far as not answering for their behavior on the ice I'm pretty sure we all saw Tucker dive into the Sens bench. The Leafs haven't been the wimp team in this rivalry in the past and I doubt they will be in the future either.
Your instinctive reaction to brand anyone born after 1967 who may have had the temerity to develop an affinity toward another Canadian team as Johnny-come-lately traitors worthy of grunted derision betrays that which you fear the most, namely that sooner or later, everyone will realize that the Blue and White isn't some holy flag flying on a crusader's staff, but the colours of a historically mediocre to comically putrid hockey team that will never, ever, win anything ever again.
Historically mediocre? That must be compared to Ottawa who went undefeated from 1934 to 1991 right? Good job adding another gutless lazy floater who's already gone on record saying he wants to retire somewhere else. Alex Kovalev was been born in a Soviet slop trough and even he doesn't want to be in Ottawa.
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Jesus Christ, they are the worst people ever. Great job, Chemm.
He Score, He Shoot! Number To Be Retired After Illustrious Career
by Greener on Sep 3, 2009 3:12 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah, there’s that button above “More from Pension Plan Puppets” that says “Rec”
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 3, 2009 2:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Ottawa will be icing a top six D of Kuba, Phillips, Volchenkov, Lee, Picard and Campoli. I don’t need to say anything witty about that.
that’s the wittiest thing you said, and there are A LOT of witty things in there.
Bravo.
"Sanity is not statistical." - George Orwell, a Leafs fan...
Stalk me here...
by blurr1974 on Sep 3, 2009 2:49 PM EDT reply actions
HEY THE LEAFS D STINKS
GO BRIAN LEE!!!!
Pension Plan Puppets*
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Go Flyers?
Identical to Sergei Berezin in every way, only 1/10 his size.
From Russia with GLOVE SIDE!
by Sergei Puckizin on Sep 3, 2009 3:09 PM EDT up reply actions
Also
other sleazy Sens acts: Havlat kicking Hal gill.
Of course, reading the local media, you’d think that’s just part of the game.
"Sanity is not statistical." - George Orwell, a Leafs fan...
Stalk me here...
by blurr1974 on Sep 3, 2009 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
jeeeze
How sad that they have to defend that kind of crap
There is no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
When you have no spine it’s easy to twist yourself into a pretzel defending shit like that.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on Sep 3, 2009 3:47 PM EDT up reply actions
surprising that there is no mention of douchebag all mighty Chris “I only fight people smaller than me” Neil in Jammies destruction of that so called “post”
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 3:50 PM EDT up reply actions
I don’t want to come off as a hypocrite. Chris Neil shouldn’t fight people who are smaller than he is and I shouldn’t NNN people who are dumber than I am.
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fair enough, I dont think Neil could spell “NNN”
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 3:58 PM EDT up reply actions
He couldn’t spell ‘cat’ even if you spotted him the C and the A.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on Sep 3, 2009 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions
he cant spell SNES even when he is wearing that shitty jersey
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 4:03 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I was always more of a Sega fan anyways
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 6:46 PM EDT up reply actions
I wanted to do a tag team thing with you but noooooo
Pension Plan Puppets*
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I’ll tag you in the next time this happens.
Pension Plan Puppets*
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I already told you the next time that you could do this and you turned it down!
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on Sep 3, 2009 4:02 PM EDT up reply actions
How did people pick what teams to cheer for and what ones to hate prior to traffic snarls, bad driving, cell phones and the construction of really tall buildings?
From what I gather, those are the important criterion for determing where your sporting allegiances are.
Bitter Leaf Fan: a life-long Toronto Maple Leafs fan comments on the team, the media and the exasperation...
The awesomeness of this post has more than offset the complete douche-ness of that SNES fan and complete jackass’s post.
Congrats Chemmy, thanks to you balance and harmony have been restored to the internets.
Being a Leaf fan here requires one to be sufficiently lubricated... and truculent!
Brilliant good sir.
What I love most about this, SLC did attack our team, but he also attacked our fuckin city, and Chemmy who is from Connecticut defended it, that is awesome!
It must suck that SLC loves Ottawat so much, given that he has to drive almost an hour outside the city to see his beloved SNES play.
Chemmy, I am buying you a fuckin pint if you are ever in Toronto based on this post alone.
Resident Cook and IT Superman
Truculence FTW
I’ve been to Toronto. I’ve been to Ottawa.
I’m never going to Ottawa again.
Pension Plan Puppets*
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I have no desire to go to Ottawa. If I do, I wear EVERY leaf paraphernalia I own.
Resident Cook and IT Superman
Truculence FTW
Honestly
The only thing that keeps me sane here is the people I work with don’t seem to be into hockey and the friends I have here aren’t SNES fans. They aren’t perfect… they aren’t Leafs fans after all… but at least they aren’t jackholes who support that cesspool of a franchise.
Being a Leaf fan here requires one to be sufficiently lubricated... and truculent!
seriously
I’ve had it up to here with people attacking Toronto.
GAH
"Life is just a place where we spend time between games. Hockey is where we live, where we can best meet and overcome pain and wrong and death." - Fred Shero
by Karina on Sep 3, 2009 3:15 PM EDT up reply actions
What’s funny is that from listening to Sens fans Toronto is filled with homeless people and Ottawa isn’t.
When we were in Ottawa for the WJHC I got hassled by more homeless people than anywhere I’ve ever been in my life and the worst part was that they weren’t even legit homeless people. When you’re outside on a cold day and a delirious obviously mentally handicapped old person who’s dying asks you for change at least you know their life is shitty.
In Ottawa half of the homeless people were my age with dreadlocks go get a fucking job.
Pension Plan Puppets*
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Don’t bother coming to Peterborough then, Chemmy.
;)
"We've had an ongoing problem with Grabovski this year." Bob Gainey, 4/04/09
man I know! I live in Ptbo for school and it’s ridiculous how many young homeless lazy hippies there are. Fuck!
by ZackAttack16 on Sep 14, 2009 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Somethings are worth repeating...
I hate the Senators, I hate their logo, I hate Officer-PP that sings before the games, I hate the arena, I hate their claim to cups from the the dawn of time. Most of all, I hate Alfreddson.
Go Leafs Go!
I like to eat the yellow snow behind the zamboni
http://darcytucker.blogspot.com/2008/04/swedish-weasel-gets-one-right-in-mouth.html
Pension Plan Puppets*
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Reminds me of The Onion
You Will Suffer Humiliation When The Sports Team From My Area Defeats The Sports Team From Your Area
One of the more pathetic aspects of the team from your area is the fact that only people in your immediate area possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic locations.
Bitter Leaf Fan: a life-long Toronto Maple Leafs fan comments on the team, the media and the exasperation...
Upcoming Season
I haven’t really been excited at all in the offseason with the whole drama surrounding my namesake. I’d just like to tip my hat, you just got me excited for hockey season. GOLF LEAFS GOLF!
Bring on the BoO!
by Dany Heatley Speedwagon on Sep 3, 2009 3:22 PM EDT reply actions
Your team hasn’t won a playoff game since June of 2007. Given your roster turnover I’d say the Sens are just as used to the links as the Leafs.
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No One Wants to be in Ottawa.
Bunch of overpaid babies who think they are better than everybody else. Anyone see your star player Heatley. Reflects a lot on sens fans. They deserve each other.
Spezza Heatley Kovalev: More floats than the Macy’s Day Parade.
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Spezza Heatley Alfredsson: More floaters than Oprah’s toilet post cupcake binge.
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more floaters than Micheal Moores toilet
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 3:28 PM EDT up reply actions
errrr that should be Kovalev Alfie’s definitely a sinker
Pension Plan Puppets*
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mm… I should submit a picture of Alfredsson to the “Rate My Poo” website.
I like to eat the yellow snow behind the zamboni
1 out of 10: Misshapen, hairy, forgettable.
Pension Plan Puppets*
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“Go ahead and write it, I guarantee we’ll fill the bowl.”
Pension Plan Puppets*
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by Chemmy on Sep 3, 2009 3:35 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
being a Sens fan must be like taking a dump and then realizing there is no TP.
no matter how good the crap goes, your still shitty at the end
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 3:39 PM EDT up reply actions 14 recs
Rec'd
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Sep 3, 2009 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions
I can’t stop laughing. Rec’d, you magnificent bastard.
jrwendelman
The Artist Formerly Known as "Junior", who blogs at heroesinrehab.ca/blog
"But if someone so eager to engage into fist talk, we can always meet after season end in Minsk." (Mikhail Grabovski and a well-meaning but not particularly skillful translator)
oh my, I just re-read this for this first time since posting and spat beer all over my screen
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 7:28 PM EDT up reply actions
You can only hate with that intensity if you actually really love the object of your rage
its science
SLC is a Leaf fan
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 3:26 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
aren’t all Sens fans?
"Life is just a place where we spend time between games. Hockey is where we live, where we can best meet and overcome pain and wrong and death." - Fred Shero
by Karina on Sep 3, 2009 3:32 PM EDT up reply actions
no, some of them just hate hockey but want to feel included
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 3:34 PM EDT up reply actions
Wow…that was the worst piece of low brow, hate-mongering rhetoric I have ever read about a sports team.
That’s not a compliment.
Chemmy: Although you could have degraded this into some (spectacular) name-calling, you took the high road in your responses. Well done.
I feel sorry for this SLC guy, and I feel sorry for those who agree with him. Sad and pathetic.
I could not even begin to break down his ‘points’
SLC just goes to show you that any sub human, maladjusted douchebag with a computer and internet connection can publish his opinion online. Wow, I feel embarrassed for him as well.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 4:27 PM EDT reply actions
You know the Sens fans are afraid of us...
…when they start writing up garbage like that :)
Fear leads to anger…anger leads to…well if you don’t know this one yet get out from under your rock…
Truculence...starting 10/1/09
saying that, SLC is quite possibly the most reasonable Sens fan I have ever encountered
let that sink in
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 6:55 PM EDT up reply actions
I have met more reasonable sens fans. You know, people who actually know about hockey and understand when their team sucks ass… those who moderate their opinion of the Leafs because they have an intelligent Leaf fan debating them with cogent points.
You know, your average(though misguided) human being.
I even know some Sens fans who like the Leafs and cheer for them as long as they are not playing the Sens.
Of course, I only really hang out with Sens fans like that, the rest I could not be bothered with. Come to think of it, I don’t even like hanging out with the loser nutjob uninformed Leafs fans – they embarrass me… and it takes a lot to embarrass me.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 7:43 PM EDT up reply actions
Does SLC know
the Senators no longer play in St. Louis?
"Sanity is not statistical." - George Orwell, a Leafs fan...
Stalk me here...
by blurr1974 on Sep 3, 2009 4:36 PM EDT reply actions
for your enjoyment.
Currently tracking outbreaks of Hogtown Flu, specifically the LS02 strain.
by Robot Godzilla on Sep 3, 2009 4:49 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Its the post season and your the Ottawa Senators, do you know where your offense is?
neither do we
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 5:07 PM EDT up reply actions
I always thought it was PPP Kitten Industries and Heavy Petting.
Can it before I drive this truculence through your faceulence and put you in an ambulance.
by Brunswick Bruiser on Sep 3, 2009 5:21 PM EDT reply actions
It was just PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries but after the coup we’ve merger with Kitten Petting Consortium LLC GmbH S.A.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
by PPP on Sep 3, 2009 6:16 PM EDT up reply actions
The only downside
Is that he may think he’s written something really good after all the PPP traffic he’s going to get.
The Handsome Man's Guide To Life- Tuxedos and Truculence.
Most of the replies are already from Leafs fans going “uhhh…we don’t have dance dance revolution, so….you’re dumb”
I should just go on there and type ‘2007 Playoffs – Spartan… you lose’
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 7:45 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
kidkawartha
Where are you? This article probably wrote about four episodes of “Mouth-Breathers Anonymous!” (Well, not exactly anonymous…) ;)
Truculence...starting 10/1/09
Check his post again
Now He is calling it an ‘Experiment’
What did you think Leaf fans would do roll over and take it up the ass?
SLC – experiment or no, you deliberately insulted and called out fans of a much beloved hockey team to provoke a reaction.
Who the hell do you think you are, Damien Cox?
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 7:50 PM EDT reply actions
I saw that, cant Say I’m surprised, expect a 10% of Leaf fans took this well while 90% got all knuckle dragger post next
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 7:53 PM EDT up reply actions
I agree
Several people went overboard on their reactions responding in kind with base insults.
I decided not to comment on his blog because it was not worth the effort. I make my statements here and I am sure he will be on to read my comments.
I still stand by everything I have posted here.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 7:56 PM EDT up reply actions
I’ve internet known SLC for a while, and the whole article seemed way off kilter for him, I was a might shocked, but my rampant sense of paranoia never let go that something might be a-foot. Although I never turn down an opertunity to bash the Sens
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 7:59 PM EDT up reply actions
It’s too bad that he thought it would be amusing to write an article like that to provoke a response.
Well, he got a response. Good for him.
Also, congratulations for alienating your readership. Who can completely trust any of his blog posts now?
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 8:05 PM EDT up reply actions
indeed, part of me thinks the whole “experiment” thing might have another layer, but we’ll see
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 8:08 PM EDT up reply actions
On a Funnier note
I went over to SB’s Sens site ‘Silversenseven’ or some such.
The entire front page(including fan shots and fan posts) have less comments total than this one thread.
I feel bad for the site mods because it looks like they are working hard at it. I would, however, feel bad about going over there and posting on their website. That would be like leaving Meagan Fox to sleep with Missy Elliot
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 8:14 PM EDT up reply actions
with the lights off, i think Missy would be way better in bed, she be crazy
fox looks like one of those “lay there and make faces”: types
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 8:18 PM EDT up reply actions
Still
I would like the opportunity to test your theory…
Multiple times because any good scientist knows you need a large sample size to determine a pattern.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 8:19 PM EDT up reply actions
agreed
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 8:20 PM EDT up reply actions
PS
I’ll do Meagan, you do Missy and we will compare notes afterward.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 8:20 PM EDT up reply actions
im game, Missy has more money anways and might even buy me a bently
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 8:21 PM EDT up reply actions
for each day of the week
Brain: The irony of it all, Pinky. Years of trying to take over the world, and all I had to do was say "truculence".
Follow me I'm Boring!
by blindfolded tank driver on Sep 3, 2009 8:22 PM EDT up reply actions
You will need to get some cards made up
Jared From London: Manwhore
And of course your phone number
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
Albert Einstein
by Say *plan the parade one more time*... on Sep 3, 2009 8:22 PM EDT up reply actions
i prefer the term giggalo
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 8:25 PM EDT up reply actions
I heard hiphop divas bite the heads off their mates after sex.
Can it before I drive this truculence through your faceulence and put you in an ambulance.
by Brunswick Bruiser on Sep 3, 2009 9:18 PM EDT up reply actions
ill just make sure to run, i think i could out pace missy
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 9:19 PM EDT up reply actions
That won’t work when she starts leaping fifty times her body size.
Can it before I drive this truculence through your faceulence and put you in an ambulance.
by Brunswick Bruiser on Sep 3, 2009 9:20 PM EDT up reply actions
im gonna need a torch and a silver axe or something
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
by JaredFromLondon on Sep 3, 2009 9:23 PM EDT up reply actions
Unbelievable
I wanted to hang onto that Tucker attacking Neil on the bench video for later. Gotta post it tonight before bedtime.
I find it amazing Sens fans will talk smack about 1967. Wasn’t the Stanley Cup just a bowl with a base the last time they won it?
I think this is the first time I’ve seen you comment over here. Welcome!
Pension Plan Puppets*
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All right, time to set this thing right...
…because that is what I do…
“I despise the city of Toronto, and everything in it. I hate driving through it. If I’m moving at all, I invariably get stuck behind some putz doing eighty, weaving all over eight lanes of the 401 because he’s yammering on his cell phone.”
Ever driven to Kanata on the 417 from downtown? It’s two lanes wide and this is how people get home from work apparently. (And to Sens games.) I’ll take driving through Toronto any day of the week.
‘I hate flying over it. It happens every time. Just as I’m finishing my complimentary stale peanut and seven dollar thimble of Coors Light, the announcement comes: kshhhht “Ladies and uhhhhhh…gentlemen, this is your captain. If you’d…uhhhhh…care to look to your left, you’ll see the tallest free standing structure in the world, the…uhhhhhh…CN Tower”… ’
No, you hate it because the Air Canada Centre is underneath it. Admit it ;)
“The Leafs last won a Stanley Cup in 1967. Since then, they’ve been a 42 year train wreck of mean, miserly, and hysterically incompetent ownership, interspersed with just enough success to keep a fawning Leaf Nation from finally waking the fuck up and questioning whether maybe, just maybe, there may not be a better way of going about things than grabbing its ankles and begging for more.”
The Sens last won a Stanley Cup in 1927. Since then, they didn’t have enough fan support to sustain their team, so it moved to St. Louis. After about 60 years of nothing, the NHL awarded Ottawa a team that Rod Bryden had to beg the so-called fans to see. Yet, the poor deluded ones who converted seem too stupid to realize that Daniel Alfredsson isn’t going to win a Cup in his career. Perhaps they’d be better off saying they’ve never won a Cup.
“(Dear Leaf Nation: For those of you too young to remember, or otherwise unfamiliar, the Stanley Cup Final is the round that comes after the…ah, fuck it…never mind)”
So they got to the Finals. But getting to the Finals isn’t winning the Cup. Ask the Buffalo Bills if getting to the Finals is winning the Super Bowl. For those of you too young to remember (every Sens fan), the Stanley Cup comes when you win the Stanley Cup final. Oh wait…Brian Burke DOES know this! Hmmm…
“From Tiger Williams through Nick Kypreos, Tie Domi, Mark Bell, Darcy Tucker, and Gary Fucking Roberts (Yeah, I said it!), the Leafs boast a proud history of cheap shotting, chicken shit cock gobblers who won’t hesitate to spear, slew foot, dive, whine, cry, or bleed on cue if it means they won’t have to answer for their pussified behaviour on the ice”
Not my fault the Sens have never been truculent and never had any heart. Besides, last I checked, the definition of “pussified behaviour” has several Sens pictures beside it (Dany Heatley?)…
“Your instinctive reaction to brand anyone born after 1967 who may have had the temerity to develop an affinity toward another Canadian team as Johnny-come-lately traitors worthy of grunted derision betrays that which you fear the most, namely that sooner or later, everyone will realize that the Blue and White isn’t some holy flag flying on a crusader’s staff, but the colours of a historically mediocre to comically putrid hockey team that will never, ever, win anything ever again.”
Not only have the Sens not won a Cup either, but they’ve been eliminated from the playoffs by the Leafs four times out of a possible four. For those so-called ex-Leaf fans that turned to the dark (black and red) side, it sure doesn’t look like a good decision to me. But this we do realize. We realize that the Black and Red of the Senators aren’t some (un?)holy flag flying on a crusader’s (gladiator’s?) staff, but the colours of a historically mediocre to comically putrid hockey team that will never, ever, win anything ever again. Nice that we don’t have to use “again” ;)
Truculence...starting 10/1/09
‘I hate flying over it. It happens every time. Just as I’m finishing my complimentary stale peanut and seven dollar thimble of Coors Light, the announcement comes: kshhhht "Ladies and uhhhhhh…gentlemen, this is your captain. If you’d…uhhhhh…care to look to your left, you’ll see the tallest free standing structure in the world, the…uhhhhhh…CN Tower
I just realized how bad a logical fallacy this is, worse than I even thought before. This isn’t a reason to hate Toronto, it’s a reason to hate Air Canada or whoever the hell he flies with. Being crammed into an airplane like a sardine is a shitty way to travel, what the hell does flying in to TO and the pilot noting the CN Tower have to do with it? This guy’s even dumber than I thought.
Being a Leaf fan here requires one to be sufficiently lubricated... and truculent!
the SLC Results here
apparently poking the bear does not warrant a mauling. Lest I wonder how many of our outspoken brethren were linked to his article through friends or even this site and are not regular readers of his or should be familiar with his work
Refusing To Bow To Your Standards Since 2006
lulz
An author’s hope that he can use the opening four paragraphs of an article to subtly set a tone for that which follows, in the belief that it may be appreciated by the reader can, at times, be horribly misguided.
So he’s an “author” now is he…?
"Sanity is not statistical." - George Orwell, a Leafs fan...
Stalk me here...
by blurr1974 on Sep 3, 2009 9:54 PM EDT up reply actions
So…let me get this straight…he’s afraid of the bear, so he goes and pokes at it and wonders why he gets mauled…
Oddly, the Sens themselves are probably going to do the exact same thing to the Leafs…be afraid of them and yet poke at them and wonder why they got mauled.
How interesting.
Truculence...starting 10/1/09
i didnt know who he was
never read anything by him before and i dont really plan to after that
There is no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
by Matt_Roberts on Sep 4, 2009 11:40 AM EDT up reply actions
Yup
They can call Toronto smug and arrogant, but the reality is –
Ottawa is irrelivant.
- and deep down inside, they know it.
by general borschevsky on Sep 4, 2009 8:21 AM EDT up reply actions
sweet
after a really long day of slaving away at excel to further the evil capitalist machine, it’s nice to come home and see my excel skills actually being used for good. thanks overlord.
what a fucking preposterous article. the sad thing is, it’s not just mouthbreathers in ottawa who feel this way. it’s everybody. one of my best friends is from ottawa, and even though he’s an intelligent dude and has more good friends in toronto than any other city in canada, he has the most ridiculous hate on for toronto that you’ve ever seen. i think his dad had a hate on for toronto, and he’s just had that driven into him his whole life. it’s sad, really.
if people degraded a country, race, religion, etc the way they do toronto, they’d be called a bigot or a racist. but because it’s toronto it’s apparently ok. it’s that kind of small town inferiority complex ignorant bullshit that makes me never want to go back to my own small hometown.
oh, and the sens D this year is fucking laughable.
i think his dad had a hate on for toronto, and he’s just had that driven into him his whole life. it’s sad, really.
if people degraded a country, race, religion, etc the way they do toronto, they’d be called a bigot or a racist. but because it’s toronto it’s apparently ok. it’s that kind of small town inferiority complex ignorant bullshit that makes me never want to go back to my own small hometown
Reminds me of living out west. "I hate the leafs because my parents do. Or because they’re on every saturday. Or because they always lead the highlights on the “Toronto Sports Network”." So much unnecessary negativity, borne of no real substantive beef. Although, in Ottawa’s case it’s clearly due to jealousy.
Identical to Sergei Berezin in every way, only 1/10 his size.
From Russia with GLOVE SIDE!
by Sergei Puckizin on Sep 4, 2009 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions
blockquote fail.
Identical to Sergei Berezin in every way, only 1/10 his size.
From Russia with GLOVE SIDE!
by Sergei Puckizin on Sep 4, 2009 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions
Shit Dan, on that team Wozneiwski would get PP time!
Identical to Sergei Berezin in every way, only 1/10 his size.
From Russia with GLOVE SIDE!
by Sergei Puckizin on Sep 4, 2009 1:53 PM EDT up reply actions
He was also wearing a large strap-on dildo and a Maple Leafs Hockey Jersey.
“Large” is a relative term based on opinion, suggesting the author has familiarity with dildos and their appropriate sizes. He’s obviously used to them being much smaller.
Also, I can’t figure out why “he” would be wearing a strap-on. Seems redundant.
by general borschevsky on Sep 4, 2009 8:10 AM EDT reply actions
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