FanPost

A PPP Travelers Guide


Hi everyone, I was going to post this in 'The Dasher' thread about visiting other blogs in SB nation, but it turned into kind of a Monster (no relation to Jonas) so I turned it into a fan post.

Enjoy.

Hi All,

For anyone daring enough to explore outside the confines of our beautiful home blog here, I have put together some travel tips that you should all take note of.  Since we are guests in those parts, we need to have some proper decorum and not bring up certain subjects as the locals might get offended.

Let's start in  

Central

Columbus - The Steve Mason/Ken Hitchcock 'feud' - This team is suffering through a post-playoff hangover (something we haven't had to worry about for quite some time) centering around their young all-star goalie.  It seams he has regressed and the team is not playing very well around him.  Other than that, there are few off-limit subjects.

St. Louis - I really have no idea what to say about St. Louis - NEXT

Detroit - They are a little touchy about the subject of goaltending (we can relate) and whatever you do don't say 'Teams need to fight through injuries - suck it up!'  This will not get an overwhelmingly positive reaction.

Nashville - Pass

Chicago - You should avoid mentioning  Dale Tallon  - He is our JFJ.  Also, they refuse to accept their window of opportunity is closing, probably best to avoid that whole debate.

Next off to

Pacific

Anaheim - Don't say that Brian Burke brought a cup there... you may get a few agreements but then again you may get thrown into the ocean.

Dallas - Over all a pretty good bunch, avoid any mention of Sean Avery as this normally level headed tribe will go all Texan on your ass.  Say hi to Keswick Lee...

Los Angeles - Don't say  "LA should have never beaten the Leafs, Mr Great one doesn't get high sticking calls, I guess." I know it's the truth, but for some reason they don't like that.

Phoenix - Avoid the use of the words 'Balsillie' 'Blackberry' 'RIM' 'Relocation' and 'Hamilton'.  Also, do not link Chemmy's  unflattering screenshot of OdinMercier.

San Jose - the phrase "Ron Wilson is the greatest coach in Sharks History" - while true, is unacceptable in those parts.  Also 'They always have a great regular season, but they suck in the playoffs' or 'They are the Ottawa Senators of the West' should not be referenced - even though they now have Dany Heatley.

NorthWest

Edmonton - 'Brian Burke' 'Offer Sheet' 'Grenade' 'Ryan Smyth' 'Brokeback Khabibulin' should all be avoided in conversation.  Geez, you think for a place that has won 5 cups within the last 30 years they would be a little less touchy.

Minnesota - Don't make fun of their accent - remember, while you are there YOU are the one with the accent.

Vancouver - It's better to just avoid any subject that even somewhat remotely ties to the Maple Leafs as they may demand compensation for tampering... I hope they don't hear that I have multiple Canuck players in my hockey pools...

Calgary - avoid Cowboy jokes and you should be fine.

Colorado - Except for a few abysmal seasons, they really don't have much to be angry about.  It is encouraged to discuss your mutual hatred for Andrew Raycroft.

Now, we head over to our favourite Conference, where everyone loves the Leafs....

Up First,

SouthEast

Carolina - Don't get into arguments about NASCAR (those arguments tend to be circular.) Don't imply that the fans there are hockey ignorant.  Just a lot of fans are hockey ignorant, not all of them.  Remember, in the time Paul Maurice wasn't their coach, they won a Cup, so you might want to avoid that conversation.

Florida - Sorry about Kilger, as for McCabe, you are welcome - thanks for the broken assed player in return.  We have the receipt, is it too late for a refund?  Not sure what Florida fans get offended by as I have yet to run into one.

Tampa - Don't talk about how their cup was a fluke and any team coming out of a crazy weak division and getting a cakewalk to the finals combined with almost no injuries all season have a shot at the cup.  Other than that, just avoid any mention of the Lacavalier contract.

Atlanta - Talk about everything but Kovalchuk's pending Free agency and anything to do with goaltending - we feel your pain.

Washington - When you are here, try to think like this - Ovie is NOT a dirty player - you may want to try and convince yourself of this before you go.

Atlantic

Islanders - The team that had nothing, then a whack of cups, then nothing again -  just don't bring up Mike Milbury.  Also, don't mention signing Yashin to a 10 year deal or DiPietro to a 15 year deal...I'm sure they will be fine with talking about that sometime well into the next decade, but for now it's a taboo conversation.

Philadelphia - Use small words, be nice cause they can get stabby.

Rangers - Don't talk about contracts, ever.  

Pittsburgh - Talk about whatever you want, they won the cup last year so all of our Slings and Arrows shouldn't put a dent in their armor, and if it does tell them to man up cause they have crazy stupid talent on their team and a Championship.

New Jersey - Don't talk about how their on-ice product won't draw flies and they can't even fill their building for the playoffs - oh, and don't mention that they won their cups playing a uber boring system.

And now our best friends

NorthEast

Montreal - There are so many things you should not talk about, but you are going to anyway, so whatever.  They are the Hab's and they think they can win every hockey argument by saying '24 Cups.'  They really don't speak the same language everyone else does, so just avoid conversation altogether.

Ottawa - Avoid referring to any of the following - Alexandre Daigle, Alexi Yashin, Dany Heatley,  Alfreddson's Cup Guarantee, Playoff record VS the Leafs, and of course Goaltending.   Matter of fact, If you are over there you may want to avoid talking about NHL hockey altogether, stick to the Olympics... oh wait, Heatley... talk about what nice weather we are having.

Boston - Better off to learn about Boston vicariously through CH.  I don't understand how they can be both happy and upset over the Phill Kessel deal.  Oh well.. good luck with our top 5 draft pick.

Buffalo -  Never, ever bring up the words 'Brett Hull' or 'Skate in the crease.'  These phrases will not endear you to the locals.  One other tip, breathe through your mouth.  You will understand when you get there.

Now, for everyone visiting us here at PPP, we have a few areas where you should avoid at all costs.

Any combination or permutation or paraphrase of "No cup since 1967"  "Plan the Parade" Maple Laffs"  "Leafblower(with pic)" and "It's the Fans' fault the team is so bad."

We have heard these far to often for them to provide any amusement whatsoever.  Any reference to these words or phrases will have you automatically written off as less than a semi intelligent human and you will either be ignored or run out of town.

That was longer than I expected, but remember this may not be an exhaustive list.

Good Luck in your travels, and remember - There is no Place Like Home!

PensionPlanPuppets.com is a fan community that allows members to post their own thoughts and opinions on the Toronto Maple Leafs and hockey in general. These views and thoughts may not be shared by the editor of PensionPlanPuppets.com.

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