I've been a Maple Leafs fan since 1992. That might not be such a long time for some of you, but for a young man like myself this eighteen year period has spanned most of my life. I could continue this post by talking about how my devotion to the Maple Leafs borders upon a relationship between a religion and it's faithful. But I'm not – this post is about the 2009-2010 team claiming the title of worst Maple Leafs squad I have ever seen.

Going point form after the break.

Failure 1: No Puck Luck (at all)

I begin with luck, since it's not a "real" problem. "Luck" doesn't really exist, right? Right? Well, anyway, the Leafs haven't had any this season. I recently asked my good friend who happens to be an Edmonton Oilers fan if it is possible for a team to have bad luck for an entire season. My belief had been that luck is relative and given a long enough timeline everything should even out. He nodded with conviction and said "Yes it can. Bad luck can cover an entire season. I've seen it before." He was of course refering to the 2006-2007 Oilers team which lost Chris Pronger in a terrible trade, then had a terrible run of injuries (at one point having 11 regulars out and requiring emergency callups), were then forced to trade the face of their franchise Ryan Smyth, and then lost 17 of their last 19 games, and finally drafted Sam Gagner 6th overall even though the Oilers finished with the same number of points as Chicago (who drafted Patrick Kane). That type of bad luck borders on curse territory – the '09-'10 Leafs haven't reached cursed status yet, but they are closing in on it fast. I ask you – how many times this season have you seen a Leaf player hit the inside of a post which results in a breakout which results in an opposition goal? I ask you – how many times have the Leafs been on the favorable side of a video review? I ask you – how many seeing-eye shots have weaved their way through Leafs goaltenders to tie the game up late? Luck just has not been on Toronto's side this year. They have been the Reverse-Midas: everything the franchise touches has turned to shit.

Failure 2: Percentage of shots fired at the net divided by shots fired into the net.

The '09-'10 Leafs simply cannot score. They fire puck after puck at the net, regularly outshooting their opposition to a ridiculous degree, but the only column in the stat sheet the Leafs can seem to positively influence is the opposing goaltender's save percentage. Let this be a warning to other teams – the strategy of firing as much rubber at the net as possible and betting on the law of averages only works if your team possesses an average level of offensive ability.

Failure 3: Truculence!(?)

It's one thing if your team is poor defensively, but it's another thing altogether if your team is extremely poor defensively after your GM signs two "stud" UFA defensemen in the offseason and promises a new commitment to "pugnacity, testosterone, truculence and belligerence." The Leafs are 0 for 4 so far. Instead, if I had to pick 4 words to describe the '09-'10 Leafs I would choose "inconsistent, lacksidaisical, unskilled and spineless."

Failure 4: Matt Stajan

He's the first line center folks. 

Failure 5: Through game 49 the Leafs PP+PK is 86%

Scotty Bowman once said that a good team's powerplay and penalty killing percentage should, when added together, equal 110%. The Leafs are currently at 86%. That's a powerplay clicking along at just over 17% and a PK that can (just barely) kill off 2 out of every three penalties. The Paul Maurice coached Leafs had better numbers. This stat is too embarassing to even waste further time discussing...

Failure 6: Vesa

Vesa Toskala doesn't give a shit that his career has gone downhill fast. When you look in his eyes you can tell that he doesn't want to do this anymore. Maybe it's the Toronto media, maybe it's the pressure he's under from the coaching staff, or maybe it's the fact that he knows that his teammates cringe everytime the puck comes within twenty feet of the net (or if Ovechkin's carrying the puck, 45 feet). Okay, maybe that's not fair – the man did shutout the Flyers last week – but a handful of games aside, if you put together a lowlight reel of Toskala's bad goals from the 09-10 campaign the tape would circumnavigate the globe 3.62 times, which also happens to be his GAA this season. Let's face it – Toronto has been a goalie graveyard since the lockout and they're already chiselling Vesa's tombstone. "Here lies Vesa Toskala: his mask was cool, I guess..."

Failure 7: Jonas Gustavsson's stupid fucking broken heart what the hell COME ON!

By my count the Leafs could have recorded 2-to-5 more victories if Gustavsson's heart would have just fucking ticked normally last fall. In a season filled with examples of bad luck this one has got to take the cake. Why doesn't this stuff ever happen to a team that can afford to lose their best goalie? Hopefully THE MONSTER will not require any further heart surgeries - I can't wait to see what the man can do if he can ever settle into a groove (or get someone to block a shot in front of him).

Failure 8: Phil Kessel - one team, one good player, one nut

Have you ever seen the movie "Teen Wolf"? Phil Kessel is like Michael J Fox playing basketball as the wolf – the rest of the Leafs are like the fat player on his team that shoots free-throws granny style. Unfortunately in the NHL almost every other team has a couple Teen Wolves...and they have figured out that Kessel likes to curl off the half-boards and shoot. Every. Fucking. Time.

Failure 9: Someone tell Wilson they got rid of ties back in '04

The Leafs have 9 overtime losses. Only Tampa Bay and Dallas have more. The Leafs have one overtime win in their 10 games that have been tied after regulation. This is BY FAR the worst record in the NHL in this respect. In professional sports there exists a drive to win that pushes a good team over that invisible line into greatness. The Leafs do not have this drive. If you can't even muster the determination to win a coin toss once in a while you are not going to make the playoffs.

Failure 10: Our Luke and Saviour

At the 2009 NHL entry draft there was a rumor circulating that the asking price for the Islander's first overall pick (John Taveres) was Schenn, Tomas Kaberle, a forward, and the Leaf's first round pick (Nazem Kadri). Dave Nonis was in favor of working out a deal, but Burke said (famously, because he was mic'd up, of course) that "the kid might be our captain in three years." The kid he was refering to was Luke Schenn, who has had a turbulent sophomore year and the only thing he's been the captain of is the captain of the snack table up in the press box. But hey, that happens – developing a shutdown defenseman is not an exact science. It takes time and patience and blah blah blah. But given Schenn's regression, and the fact that Kaberle may be on his way out of town before the end of the season, would Leafs Nation had been better off if we had sold the farm to aquire John Taveres?

Failure 11: "And with the first overall pick in the 2010 NHL Entry draft, the Boston Bruins proudly select..."

Failure 12: ""And with the first overall pick in the 2011 NHL Entry draft, the Boston Bruins proudly select..."