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Festivus 2010- Airing of (mostly) Non-Leaf Grievances

Airing of (mostly) Non- Leaf Related Grievances:

 

Taking the long view of things I can legitimately say I feel better about the future now than I did last Christmas. The last remnants of the JFJ era have been shipped out of town, Burke had a successful draft despite lacking a 1st round pick-of which you may or may not have been aware-, our core is young and shows signs of improvement, and I remain confident that some valuable pieces can be brought on board in the future. Having said all of that I also have eyes and have had the misfortune of pointing them in the direction of the television during a Leafs game or two. I’m not sure if clustercuss is a strong enough word to describe the season thus far. We all know the details so there’s no point in rehashing them here; and as dauost pointed out a lot of grievances have already been aired. So I’m going to try and air some less common grievances. It’s always been tough being a Leafs’ fan; these things have made it worse.

 

Slow starts.  

This might be my biggest issue with this team. Far too often they don’t show up until part way through the first period. Their most recent outing against the Thrashers was a prime example of this. It’s pretty straightforward; we win more games when we score first. The team is young and should be ready to go right from the opening draw, makes me wonder exactly what sort of music Dion is cranking in there, someone needs to send them a copy of The Shape of Punk to come by Refused immediately, or a cattle-prod.

 

The Hockeycentral Panel:

            I hate each and every one of them. Someone called them the Hurr Durr Derp Crew, that is awesome, that is their new name. Sports coverage is not exactly known for being subtle and nuanced but these guys are like the Fox News of Leafs’ coverage. I hope someone shows Grabbo what Bill Waters says about him and then tells him that he collects pineapples.

 

Glen Healy:

            It’s obvious that Jim Hughson and Craig Simpson are idiots. They both wish they were still covering Canucks games. I hate that CBC has taken Bob Cole away from us. I blame them and you should know I hate them, a lot. But Glenn Healy deserves an individual grievance for being absolutely insufferable and never contributing anything positive at all.  When I hear his voice I die a little on the inside.

 

Having to pay extra for Sportsnet HD and TSNHD:

            Are you serious? I already pay extra to subscribe to these channels and watching SD when you’re used to HD is like watching the game on a 13inch black and white television. Just include it in the godforsaken package Bell.

 

The VTECH PowerPlay Contest:

            Home Phones? Really? That’s the prize? The fucks a home phone? Who enters these contests anyway? You really can’t come up with a better prize?  And I sincerely doubt that Joe Bowen and Gordon Chow are friends.

 

Mornings when Onrait and O’Toole aren’t hosting Sportscentre:

            Hearing someone else pronounce Sergei Bobrovsky’s name just isn’t the same. Those two are hilarious and actually make me want to watch Sportscentre on mornings after losses. "You’re a lose cannon Bobrovsky! You’re off the case!"  Also, I hate when the lead story after a Leafs’ win isn’t the Leafs’ win, no one cares about the Raptors.

 

That 30 Thoughts and What We Learned are only published once a week:

            I know sometimes Friedman is a little liberal with his thought count but I look forward to his work every week, it’s criminal that CBC doesn’t use him more. As for Lambert, his work is hilarious, but the best part is reading the comments. I usually avoid the Yahoo comments section, but those ones are too hilarious to ignore.

 

Manufactured Outrage:

            I almost don’t want to air this one because the fact that it was even an issue makes me angry. The whole Linus Omark shootout nonsense was mindboggling, especially because two Leafs players scored much more offensive goals the very same week. THAT’S what I’m upset about; did you see how disrespectful Kadri was to Thomas? Did you see that horrible Spin-o-Rama Grabbo busted out? HBO didn’t even show it during 24/7 for @#%& sakes. I find this lack of respect to the Leafs’ players appalling.

 

Brett Lebda:

            People tell me you’re some sort of a hockey player. WELL YOU STINK! YOU COULDN’T SMOOTH A SILK SHEET IF YOU HAD A HOT DATE WITH A BABE……I lost my train of thought.

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