Asked and Answered

Every day, nearly dozens of people come across this corner of the internet looking for answers to life's most profound questions. Some want to know basic information and others are looking for rumour innuendo and some clearly wanted to find some pictures. What kind of denizen of IntertubesLand would I be if I didn't try to help them find some closure. Thanks to Mile High Hockey for the inspiration.

What NHL player do I look like? - Well, this wasn't a good one to start on. I'd need to see you but I hope you don't look like either of these two.

What draft picks did the Maple Leafs give up for 2010 - You mean aside from the 1st and 2nd rounder for Phil Kessel? Well, this wikipedia page has a summary of all pick movement in 2010 including all of the picks the Toronto Maple Leafs have in 2010.

Is Kessel trade good? - I am guessing that this is the same guy from above that just found out what Kessel cost. Well, the jury's certainly out on whether the trade is going to be good. Right now, the Leafs are running away with it as they have one 22 year old, 2-time 30 goal scorer and the Boston Bruins have two lottery tickets. Granted, one is coming with 5 of 6 numbers already right. But it's still up in the air.

Leafs trades suck - As a rule? Sure. But clrkaitken has a fanpost or two or three that might interest you to show that it's not always doom and gloom.

What do you recommend to do at a Leaf game? - Personally, I recommend getting a bacon-wrapped Burkie Dog if only because it's bacon-wrapped. Get to the rink early, head to the lower bowl, waltz in as if you own the place, and check out the warm-up from the front row. Buy a program. It's only $5 (the same price as 17 years ago!) and a great way to remember the game. Any other suggestions?

Well, these don't seem too strange...

Who is Andi Petrillo screwing? - @Sens_Suck is that you? Oh, and the answer is I don't know but unfortunately it's not me.

What are the Leafs going to do next? - My guess would be making tee times, figuring out if they are waiver eligible, and gutlessly getting their agent to whine to the media about Mean Ronnie Wilson.

Is Domini Moore a good signing for the Habs? - HAHAHAHA

Is Cheechoo done? - See above.

Are the Phoenix Coyotes making money? - See above above.

Ok, enough with the gag search terms. Just kidding, one more.

Man falls at hockey game - I assume that they are looking for this story about how Alfredsson's slovely habits almost led to a death.

Is Kerry Fraser leaving the NHL? - IT IS TRUE! FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!

Will Kerry Fraser receive a pension? - Yeah, apparently so. His incompetence will be rewarded until the day he dies or the day I find out his home address.

Kerry Fraser and the Leafs - Now, the obvious topic's been mentioned once or twice around these parts but here's an underrated mistake that cost the Leafs a playoff spot. Gee, wonder if that lost (and gained) point ended up having an impact on the playoff picture? Screw Kerry Fraser.

Alright, let's move on before my aneurysm bursts. I promised you some smutty searches.

Phaneuf problems in dressing room - Well, he's a bit of a force of nature in there and a domineering personality but it probable helps that he's one of the oldest players now.

Dion Phaneuf coke - Oh brother. This better not be Wade Redden/Jason Spezza/Ray Emery/Brian McGrattan Redux...allegedly!

Chad Kilger masseuse - You might want to ask Steve Simmons about this one.

And now, a brief break for the HF Boards crowd:

Will Patrick Sharp be a Leaf in 2010/2011? - No. Easy enough.

Phaneuf 3 way trade? -  This was more interesting before they tossed in that last word. Still, it will be interesting to see how Mike Komisarek and Dion Phaneuf get along next year.

What would you trade for Kaberle 2010? - To borrow a line from MHH, not as much as I would for Tomas Kaberle 2007.

List of Canucks fans - This is a tough one to answer because the length of the list depends on how the Canucks are doing.

Was Pat Burns coach of the Vancouver Canucks in 2004? - Asked the Canucks fan that doesn't know why needing a locksmith was such a big deal for the NHL.

Why does it always have to be dead raccoons? - Indeed, why?