Toskala Exorcism

I’d make him sit and watch every crappy goal he let’s in until he admits he’s shit. Stupid jackass.

Dear Vesa,

It’s not so much that you sucked, although that did piss me off, but that you just didn’t give a fuck. Our fanbase tends to revere those that work hard and put forth their best effort. You did not do that…at all. You were adversarial with our prized recruit, too lazy to work with the best goalie coach in the world, and you were never bothered by how much you sucked.

I hope you don’t get a contract and have to head back to Finland. Enjoy the darkness.

Punches and kicks,
PPP

Vesa,

At least we had the man-bags.

Fashionably yours,
Mickey Mouse

Dear Vesa Toskala
I can’t believe I ever defended you, go die in a fire

Dear Vesa Toskala,

Can I call you Dog-shit?

Dear Dog-shit,
Kindly take your man-bag, shine it up real nice, and shove it right up your roody-poo candy ass.

Dear assbag Judas Vesa,

Doubleyou tee eff bro? Not cool man, just… not cool. Bros don’t treat each other like how you treated us Leaf fans. Remember when you lost the game, and then spoke to the media about how well you think you played and how good you feel? Not what we want to hear man.

Oh ya and that Francois Allaire guy? He was there to try to help you – and you fuckin needed help. Way to shun the guy that any self-respecting goalie would kill to get the chance to work with.

Good luck in the KHL SEL ECHL neighbourhood Wal-mart as a greeter. You were a joke and a cancer to our organization.

Love, everybody

I can remember defending him when Chemmy put up that post about Vesa “Dogshit” Toskala saying “I know he’s dogshit now, but maybe he can bounce back…”. In retrospect, we obviously owed him no extra chances, but I guess that’s just the kind of guy I am.

Well, he can rot in Calgary, or wherever else he ends up.

An American Eagle Polo simply will not do.

Dear Vesa,

I don’t know who I blame more: you or JFJ.

Actually, you both fucking sucked.

BlindSight

Dear Vesa,

Couldn’t have been worse. Scratch that, arguable as it is, you could have bin worse…but we probably couldn’t have come to hate you more.

I had a seemingly delusional roommate who stood by your side for months while you viciously crashed and burned right before our eyes, cementing yourself as the worst “starting” Leafs goaltender in memory. Through it all he kept telling us you’d be fine and you’d bounce back. But you lazy, self-absorbed excuse for a ’tender, you even let him down.

Yet even after all your troubles in Toronto, you then had the nerve to boast to the Anaheim media how you’d like to “wash the blue and white out of your gear”?! The fact you thought you were too good for the Toronto Maple Leafs is absurd and i’m not even gunna go there cus it’ll just make me more upset.

At some point i imagine you’ll figure out how stupid you’ve been and you’ll finally come to terms with how badly you screwed up here, but for now, i’m content to just watch you continue being an idiot because clearly you have no other calling in life you worthless excuse for an NHL goaltender.

Yours sincerely……

you know what? forget it, you can sincerely kiss my ass.
  
  
…ok, i’m done :)

Vesa Toskala’s alarm didn’t go off one morning and he was late getting to the team bus. He tried to catch it, but it beat him five-hole.

Dear Vesa,

Pineapples are not your friend.

Sincerely,

A former teammate of yours

Dear Vesa:

I hope you are happy with the Flames. I hope that the Flames fans mass suicides when the dust settled and Phaneuf was gone and you were there did not hurt your feelings.

Signed, Ubernoober.

Man, as I glanced at the title, I thought it said “Toskala Execution.”

Dear Vesa,

You are a stinky asshole and I do not like you.

Sincerely,

PhilSpecter

Probably the biggest endorsement I can think of for you leaving, is that you were actually the best goaltender we had between Eddie Belfour and JS Giguere.

But it dawned on me at some point this year, not sure exactly when, probably during a big Monster split-save, or the shutout-preserver by JS against the Devils (you know what a shutout is, right? I mean, you’ve heard of them?) that I actually started to feel confidence in our goaltender. This is something I hadn’t felt since some time in 2004, and it scared the hell out of me.

During your tenure here, you actually made it possible for me to EXPECT that the Leafs would give up at least one rotten stinker of a goal PER GAME; that no lead was safe. I started to feel that 3 goals was no longer enough to win the average hockey game, and I actually winced during every SOG towards you, anticipating the bulging mesh behind.

I say, thanks to those this year who have made it possible for me to believe again. For me to expect less than one PP goal against per game. It is liberating to have goalies that make an effort to actually stop a puck coming their way, and try to improve their game in between games. My faith is restored and the only reason that this could ever have been made possible, is because you were traded.

Enjoy the rest of your perennial backup career, and I hope you spend it spilling off your countrymen in Calgary, so I can continue to berate my nieghbours that continue to cheer for Alberta’s second worst team, now complete with a full set of second-last place Leafs that just weren’t good enough.

Sergei.

Dear Vesa,

You suck and I hate you. You caused me and many other good people countless moments of anger, hatred, embarrassment, shame and despair. Yet you didn’t care; in fact you never tried to get better, instead it seemed you were actively trying to get worse. You tried to undermine the new guy and the team as a whole, didn’t accept coaching, and THEN you had the nerve to talk shit once we shipped your ass out of town.

Fuck you.

With loathing,
stucky

I’ve said this stuff before.

The best thing Toskala did as a Leaf was let in a shootout goal to Mats Sundin. That says more than enough about the rest of the time he spent with us.

I just want him to sign for a team here so I can shoot him in the face with a high powered sniper rifle tell him how much I hate him to his face. Considering how few people go to games here, there’d be no witnesses he’d hear every word I say. Hell, if he ends up in Sweden, Finland or Germany, I’ll probably FedEx him a pipebomb take a long weekend to go to a game there to kill the bastard say it.

My roommate’s favorite team is the Ducks, where Toskalol was left to rot when I took Giguere in NHL 09. When we play I get to slap that dildo around, and abuse his glove hand. It’s a great way to take out my hockey frustrations.

Dear Vesa,

 You are the only person in the world capable of making raycrap look not so bad. I hate your face. I hate your purse. Ugly Kid Joe wrote a song about you right around the time you started playing hockey. It’s not a coincidence. I hope you retire from hockey and get injured in a freak fabric fight accident.

Go fuck yourself,
Chuck Diesel.

Dear Vesa,

You are a bad hockey player.

Love,
Nobody

Dearest Vezina Toskala,

Thanks for everything!

Your pal,
Cornelius.

p.s. stay the fuck away from the Bruins and Wild

Dear Vesa:

You aren’t the first Leafs goalie to suck and, in all likelihood, you won’t be the last. I know it wasn’t your fault how much our idiot former GM paid San Jose for the right to take you off their hands. But you could have at least tried. You could have made us believe you gave a shit. Even Justin Pogge made us believe he cared.

But that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is that you were given every possibly opportunity to succeed – even after the fans, and even your own teammates had given up on you. You were afforded the opportunity to study under the man who made Patrick Roy into the goaltender he was – and you wasted it. You were glad to wash the Blue and White off your pads when we finally shipped you to Anaheim – trust me, we were happier to wash the ToskaLOL out of our locker room.
 

Tucker

Much has been said of your lack of effort, lack of performance etc. I wont go into that. What I want to talk about is how you changed the english language forever.
Toskalesque. adj.
1)A sports term. Describes when a goalie surrenders a goal in such a way as to crush the souls of his teammates, poisoning their confidence and generally hampering their ability to play good hockey.
2)A fashion term. Describes a fashionable mens handbag, or when a man has good taste in handbags
Congratulations on getting into the dictionary. You jerk. Go 4uck yourself.
Sincerely,
     Samuel Spade
Sincerely

The Leafs start-of-season-complete-faceplant-out-of-the-gates rests completely on your shoulders.

You were coming off an injury and flat-out lied to Maple Leafs management about your condition. Then your GAA didn’t drop below 2.00 until your first win on November 21st, against the Capitals of all teams. During that 9 game losing streak with you between the pipes, you gave up 2 ugly wins against the Habs – games where the Leafs outplayed the Habs but lost thanks to your shitty goaltending. Because of those games, the Habs squeaked into the playoffs…

That’s what really bugged me the most about your stay in Toronto. You could play really good against elite offensive players, every now and then, but the next game you would get blown out against a mediocre club. Losing games badly against shitty clubs is morale poison, and you ensured that the Leafs were never out of stock.

While I fully understand that you suck, the worst thing was that you seemed to suck more and more as the team around you got better and better. Back when you were acquired, the Dmen in front of you featured the likes of Bryan McCabe, Andy Wozniewski and Staffan Kronwall – and as far as forward depth was concerned, I don’t think Bates Battaglia or Johnny Pohl will ever be nominated for a Selke. But you were actually sorta good that year! So I think it’s safe to say that Leafs fans were expecting a little more from you with the Truculeafs in front of you…

Quite frankly, I’m just disappointed in your Vesa. You showed no determination, no pride, no spine.

Your fellow Finnish countrymen are ashamed of you – you are a black mark on the Finnish goaltender community that otherwise could be considered as equal to or even greater than the current Canadian crop.

Do yourself and everyone else a favour and leave the NHL. Enough tears have been shed because of you and your misdeeds.

Signed,

TML Siege, Vancouver BC

As a lifelong goalie who did not play any professional hockey, ever, I can sincerely say 2 things:

1) You are a disgrace to goalies everywhere. Particularly offensive is your inability to accept responsibilty for your mistakes. You are part of a team, and you are just as culpable as any other team mate when you eff up.

2)I’m a better goalie than you.

Bugger off,

MapleLeafMole

You’re a dick

But good luck with the Rangers or something, they need a backup goalie for next year

I’m feeling a little better about Toskala fuckin’ us over last year.

Cool. Thanks for this

i ripped on his facebook wall pretty hard throughout the year…. i think i got alot of angst out of my system.

But still,

Dear Vesa

You are a disgrace to finland. May your purse come alive and strangle you to death

Sincerley

Matt

Its me again.

I went to visit a University i was planning on going to, and while touring the dorms some guy had a poster of you. I didnt know they existed.

Long story short, im not going to that University anymore.

Can’t wait til Kessel scores his 40th against you next season, bye!

Heya Vesa,

Hope poissa kohtelee sinua hyvin. Halusin vain kertoa sinulle, että Toronto Maple Leafs fani olet todella ja täysin alas joukkue, kaupunki ja sen fanit. Toki, loukkaantumisia tapahtuu ja huonoa onnea tulee ja menee, mutta te näytätte lahjakas shitting nukkumaan säännöllisesti. Joten kaikki vilpittömästi toivon, että nautitte suorituskyvyn eläkkeelle ansaitse teidän kauppaan toinen alue Suomessa.

Vedä käteen!

BTD

And yes, I know I could have asked Sleza for help, but I figure his grasp of conversational Finnish is hampered by the sheer level of overall ineptitude he exudes.

Dear Vesa Fucking Toskala-
I just wanted to say thanx- for proving me right when I watched you give up the worst goddamn goaltending performance I’ve ever fucking seen in the last game of the pre-season and filling me with a clearly named dread that you, and you alone, were going to fuck up the season for us beyond all repair. You’re an asshole and douchebag of epic proportions and I hope you die in a goalie-equipment related fire or that you accidentally buy a Chinese knock-off of a Gucci handbag and the chemicals in it both poison you and simultaneously catch fire in an elevator.
Someday, when it finally reaches your pea-sized brain just how much penance you owe us as Leaf fans, and you’re motivated to write a long Step 9 letter to us, don’t. Just fall on the sharpened end on your goalie stick and get it over with.
Sincerely,
Kidkawartha
P.S. Fuck you.

Dear Vesa,

‘F’ and ‘U’

Sincerely,

Plan

Dearest Vesa;
   Let’s look back on one of your finer moments.

Look, even Bryan F-ing McCabe told you choke on a purple fist-shaped dildo.
I’m getting to old to watch you single-handedly blow a season or two here in Leaf land.
you’re an asshole.
Maniel

in my anger I forgot the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meFICJYORvA

Ass.

Dear Vesa,

Thank you for making me jealous when Vancouver signed Andrew Raycroft as their back-up goaltender. Red-light Raycroft was such garbage while he was here in Toronto that I never thought I could despise another goaltender the way I did Razor. You showed me through your futility and porousness that there really was another level of suck. You helped me forgive Raycroft by showing me how bad, lazy, inept and uncaring a goaltender can be. Heck, I was mad that the Burke didn’t trade another prospect goaltender to get Raycroft back to replace you. Thank you for helping me let go Vesa. Maybe someday, long after you’re plying your trade in the Saudi B leagues, I’ll be whole again.

-Alex

Actually the psych research shows that while talking-through and processing intense negative emotion is healthy, straight up venting of aggression just seems to inspire more anger and aggression, winding you up more.

Therefore, let me talk this through without hitting anything.

Dear Vesa,

I know we had some bad times here in Toronto, but I look forward to looking back on this and laughing about it with you. I know all the others here are angry, but they don’t know about your recurring dreams where you show up to ’tend the hardest slapshot competition naked. And anyway, whose fault was it that you were brought here for the wrong sport. We will welcome your preternatural brilliance when Toronto forms a Major League Dodgeball team, and then truly come to appreciate that you raise to a high art a talent for getting out of the way of moving objects

Until then may I recommend a lovely spit roast, possibly a giro. The stake barely hurts if they put it in your head first.

Your buddy
Wan.

Dear Vesa,

I hate you so much I hope you get fed feet first into a woodchipper.

Fuck you very much.

Me.