When Colby Armstrong (literally) broke into the NHL in 2005-2006 with the Pittsburgh Penguins, he did so in the face of mortal peril. Sadly, not he, nor anyone else in the hockey world yet knew of the dangers of boneitis. Only very recent studies completed by Dr. Birky of the Hollywood Upstairs Medical College have brought to light the full extent this debilitating disease's horrible effects.
"I was just playing with kittens, when suddenly, it came off," Armstrong recalls of his left leg. It was then that he and fellow teammate Tim Connolly, who also lost his right arm from the shoulder down in a tragic kleenex accident, consulted Dr. Birky.
"They probably shouldn't even stand in front of fans set to anything above 'medium setting,'" points out Birky, who has also suspended former Leaf Carlo Coliacovo in a sensory deprivation tank until more research has been done on treatment methods.
"Colby really is the face of boneitis," says Birky, who was quick to point out that no one should ever, under any circumstances, actually touch Armstrong's face. "I mean, that's the bread and butter of the campaign to support individuals suffering from this disease. Well, mostly, it's just the butter."
Birky was also vehement in his support for the Canadian Boneitis Association when he said that he "can't think of a more pressing cause right now, than the health and well-being of a small number of highly-paid professional athletes". Who knows how many other people might be affected?
Please, don't delay. Show your support today, by adding a Fight Boneitis Twibbon to your Twitter account. Travis Hair of the blog Five For Howling was good enough to design this beauty, so don't let it go to waste. Act now.
Here are today's Leafs links:
A Tweet From Darren Dreger
Just to clarify.
Maple Leafs call up Darryl Boyce
Just in case you missed this yesterday. From David Shoalts at the Globe.
Greg Scott, Four Months to get a Sniff of the Big Club
Introducing Joey Crabb, version 2.0. From Kyle Cicerella.
Finger on the Button
Someone over at The 5th Line Center is frantically trying to find the 'panic' button.
Let's make a deal: A look back at this season's biggest trades
Down Goes Brown's latest work features a Leafs deal.
Systems Analyst: Joey Crabb’s PK Play Not Good Enough
Yeah, he didn't notice Dustin Brown. From Justin Bourne at Backhand Shelf.
Colton Orr: A Tebow on ice
I, for one, am sick of hearing about Tebow. I can't remember who he is, and I can't be bothered, but this video of Colton Orr scoring on James Reimer is pretty awesome. From Chris Lund at Backhand Shelf.
Marlies player hires lawyer over nude photo accusations | Toronto & GTA | News | Toronto Sun
Mike Zigomanis is well-known for stick-handling on the ice, but now the ex-Leafs player has grabbed the spotlight for an alleged appearance on a revenge porn website.
Merry Christmas Toronto Maple Leafs Fans
From Greatest Hockey Legends.
Screw everybody else.