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Mats Sundin (Retires From/Re-Signs With/Betrays) Maple Leafs

Today ends months of speculation and countless loss hours as Mats Sundin has decided to (retire to a life of luxury/return to the NHL). After spending hours fishing in his native Sweden the Leafs (captain/former captain) decided that he (had had enough herring for a summer/wanted to keep floating around the fjords) will be (picking up the fishing pole full-time/lace 'em up in the fall). So come this September Sundin will be in (familiar surroundings at the Leafs' practice facility/his 25 year old fiancee/a hockey wasteland/a city that loathes foreign leaders) in a (familiar/new) role. 

Obviously, not everyone is happy with  Mats' decision to (return to the Leafs/join the rival Habs/disappear in Vancouver/stay in Sweden with his nubile wife-to-be). Fans in his (former/adopted) hometown reacted as passionately as ever with scenes of (jubilation/despondency/unchecked rage) filling the city as fans (wept/cheered delirilously/joined in mobs) to (lament the end of his career/celebrate his return/burn down his house).

"Mats is (the greatest Leaf ever/going to teach the kids how to play/going to pay for this, that f*cking Judas)" proclaimed a (composed/cheerful/insane) Leafs fan on the waterfront.

Meanwhile, in Montreal fans of Les Habitants reacted to the news with traditional Gallic (indifference/resignation/arrogance). Fans could not believe that their rival's greatest captain had decided to (return to the Leafs/join Montreal/run away to Vancouver/go home to Sweden). When asked to comment further they (spat on the ground/sneered at Sundin's snub while choking back tears at the realization that they are not a big club/declared themselves 2009 Stanley Cup Champions). Bookies have reacted by moving to make the Canadiens favourites to (come back to earth/lose in the Stanley Cup Finals/remind everyone that they won a tonne of trophies 30 years ago) over the coming season.

It was a different story on the country's left coast as fans were (stoned/stunned/stoned) to hear that Mats had decided to (rebuild in Toronto/destroy his legacy in Montreal/learn the kama sutra/waste his time in Vancouver).

"Dude, wouldn't it be awesome if Mats decided to (stay with the Leafs/quit the NHL/play with worse forwards/join a flash in the pan team and betraying the feelings of loyalty that he professed repeatedly)? He did? Whoa....hey, are you going to eat that?"

So, the long national nightmare (comes to an end/extends for at least one more day/shows no sign of abating). Mats took his sweet time getting to the point where he would know whether he would (play/fish/chase his naked wife around the Swedish countrside/need even more time to confirm the decision that he likely made weeks ago) but I think that we can all agree that the wait was (pointless/worth it/too long/fine for the first few days and is not just ridiculous). Best of luck to Mats next year as he tries to (resist the urge to kill Bryan McCabe/resist the urge to kill the Sedin twins/kill himself experimenting with his fiancee/keep his house from being burned down).