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Viewer Discretion Advised

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Here at PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries, we take our responsibilities as moral guardians and arbiters of taste and decency seriously.

With that in mind, I respectfully take leave to suggest that the following rating system be employed for the Game Day Threads - that way the adults can cuss up a storm/moan about lower back pain in peace, whilst the children are tucked up safely in their beds/running amok in the neighbourhood, daubing obscenities on municipal buildings.

G - General Audiences. To be used when the Leafs are playing anyone from the Southeast or Pacific divisions. Not much in the way of rivalry, wounding, revenge fantasy or defenestration. Probably animated by Pixar. Example screening - Finding Stempo.

PG - Parental Guidance Suggested. Mild language, minimum violence, scary moments. The first three Leaf games of the season then or else a taxi ride with Patrick Kane. No drug content allowed - injections by Dick Pound notwithstanding.

PG 13 - Parents Strongly Cautioned. Potentially shocking violence, cursing and mature subject matter. Moving into Tlustý territory now, this is the typical Game Day experience. Aimed mostly at match-ups with the Atlantic and Northwest divisions. For those of a nervous disposition, there's a lovely cello recital on CBC Radio 2. You big baby.

R - Restricted. No children under 17 to be admitted without an adult - This, in the immortal words of Daisy Steiner, is the good sh*t. Aimed solely at games versus those dreaded Bruins, protecting the innocents from the blood-lust of Lucic or the psychosis of Thomas. Armour will be worn during this performance.

NC - 17. Adults only. Not for the faint of heart. The unspeakable ones. The dirties. The munchkin chorus. There will be blood. Creepshow. The Leprechaun series. Dr Gainey's House of Hideous. Children of the Kanata. Whatever Happened to Baby Jason? And of course, our very own twice weekly showing of The Nightmare on Bay Street.