clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Play Your Cards Right and You Might Get a Phil Kessel

If you buy something from an SB Nation link, Vox Media may earn a commission. See our ethics statement.

If you don't have a Twitter account, then you're a parasitic troglodyte and you really need one.  It also means that you missed out on the NHLSexActs hashtag from yesterday.  It started with Archi asking what you call it when a smoking hot girl has two butt ugly older sisters. Some suggestions were Cinderella, Third Time's the Charm, Marge Simpson, Gretzky, Fresh Pea in a Rotten Pod, the Baldwin, Bizzarro Meatloaf, and the Gretzky.  Then the discussion shifted to the fact that Wayne was the oldest, so it didn't work.  Therefore I suggested the Reverse Gretzky, but PPP informed me that that was in fact a sexual position.

From there I believe it was archluke who gave us the first use of the #NHLSexActs hashtag:

The Derek Roy: Go down even though she did nothing to warrant it.

And from there it snowballed into awesomeness. Here are some of my favorites:

The Marian Hossa: You keep whoring yourself out and wonder why you never get a ring.

The Patrick Roy: Perform terribly; don't pull out; throw up your arms in mock celebration; then accuse her of humiliating you.

The Vancouver Canucks Fan: Tell the Leaf fan how great you are despite being a virgin that's just overcompensating.

The Pierre McGuire:  She compensates for being useless by making loud noises and calling you a monster.

The Lanny McDonald: Mustache rides are not optional.

The Senators fan: Something boring, in a motel outside of town.

and finally

Montreal'n it: Rigorous public masturbation accompanied by an "Ole" chant.

Who Cares About the World Championships?

If you can tell me who Ryan Carter is, then apparently you're one of the few.

Reinsdorf out, Ice Edge in?

Internet celebrity Travis Hair gives you the skinny on the Coyotes ownership front.

Flyers live to umm fly another day

Simon Gagne pulls a Marc Savard as he comes back from injury to score the OT winner.

Germany upsets USA in front of record crowd

Is it really an upset with rosters like these?

Make it 7 might actually happen

Darren Dreger reports that a move to Winnipeg is very possible.

Was it over when Sidney Crosby bombed Pearl Harbor?

A look at the unfair criticism given to #87

"Canada's Team" - All a bunch of fooey

Keep the cup in the USofA!

The Ninth Step: Bo Pro apologizes, sort of, to Rick Zombo

Bloge Salming brings you the first video in a new series.

Two goalies both under the microscope

VLM writes about how Bobby Lu and Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukka Rask are both under the spotlight.

Wendel Clark summarized in two photos

The only thing lacking is a color photo to show all the blood.