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Pension Plan Puppets Suicide Hotline: 515-y-no-ilya

Well it's official; Brian Burke did not sign Ilya Kovalchuk.  Right about now you're going through the different scenarios of how badly this team is going to suck without him, and have come to the conclusion that it's best to just kill yourself instead of watching the Leafs flounder in mediocrity for the next 5-10 years.  But before you make such a rash decision, we want you to know that there are people who want to help you; your friendly Pension Plan Puppets Overlords

Please, before you do anything stupid, call the Pension Plan Puppets Suicide Hotline.  The number is 515-y-no-ilya. That's 515-966-4592. If lines are busy, or you can't get through to a service representative, please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can.



We are here to help you.