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This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

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Welcome back buddy.
Welcome back buddy.
Gregory Shamus

Folks, today I bring you something special. I have for you what very well may be the worst Leafs article of 2013. And I just don't mean thus far, because I don't see this being topped. I give you:

Net Gains: Does Toronto Need to Trade for a Goalie? - Mark Ritter at The Hockey "Writers"

Normally we would go line by line tearing this type of tripe apart, but there aren't enough hours in the day for that. So instead I'll leave that task for you, our lower readers. Have at it kids.

Other less shitty links.

One of Scrivens or Reimer Needs to Grab the Ball and Run With It

Gotta love how the sole reason for the Leafs early season success is now the scapegoat of choice.

On Jake Gardiner and Old School Coaches Adapting to Toda's Young Stars

Fantastic article by Bourne on why Carlyle and Nonis dicking around with Gardiner isn't good.

Jake Gardiner Returns

That's no NHL defenseman....it's Korbinian Holzer.

A Darwinian Look at Phil Kessel and the Kovalchuk Model of Star Evolution

BCP looks at the development of the two snipers.

What's Gone Wrong with the Toronto Maple Leafs

It's DGB so I won't give a serious response here.

Lots of Great Leafs PhotoGoodness at Vintage Leafs

Including this sweet goalie fight.

Holzer Down, Gardiner Up - What to Whine About Now?

Yup whining.....about a problem you agreed was a problem, needed to be fixed, and now that it has been fixed the team in better. Let's all stick our heads in the sand and pretend we're really on a beach in the Caribbean.

An Imagine Conversation Between Dave Nonis and Mike Gillis

Nonis likes fast food.

Corey Perry Re-signs, Leafs Season Now a Total Waste

The hell?

Nikolai Kulemin Trade: What Could the Maple Leafs Acquire?

Nothing of equal or greater value.

March 19th in a Nutsheel

The Merckxist breaks down the goings on of yesterday.

Sergei Bobrovsky vs Smelling Salts

Pretty sure this isn't part of the quiet room protocol.

The Ducks are Going to be Awful Next Year

Read and donate please k thx.