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Edmonton Oilers Fan Pays To Apologize To Oilers For Mean Fans

From the I can't fucking believe it files...

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There are few times when a hockey fan will really surprise me. Sure, I'll say I'm shocked that Habs fans hate PK Subban because he's "brash" or that Jets fans hate Evander Kane because he's "a bad tipper" or that Vancouver fans burned down their own city but the reality is that having been a soccer fan for decades now (Editor's Note: Jesus Christ!) I know that there are no depths to which a hockey fan can descend that I cannot find an even worse equivalent. Until now.

Jay Brown, a "Canadian" of no fixed addressed and presumably no fixed IQ, decided that he had had enough of the behaviour of Oilers fans. Maybe he'd read too much Copper And Blue and felt that they'd gone too far in their criticisms of the Oilers. Maybe he burns with desire to see the Oilers "shove it up the backside" of MC79Hockey. Who knows. What we do know is that he is ashamed by the behaviour of...other Oilers fans.

That's right, it's not the approaching decade of management incompetence with near impunity, the nepotism that sees one Boy On The Bus after another get a chance to piss all over the legacy that they built, the shameful efforts of the local media to hold management to account and frankly their complicity in the tire fire, or the billionaire owner's attempt to rob the city blind for personal gain. He is upset with fans that have, after eight years of the above mentioned behaviour (which came after coming one game away from winning the Stanley Cup), stood up to say "ENOUGH!" by throwing their jerseys - the supposedly sacrosant symbol - to the ice. The team that had driven fans to write the following of another lost season are the problem:

The latest Edmonton Oilers death march is drawing mercifully to a close. We have almost built the bridge for our sadistic captors, the trains are rolling, the monsoon is approaching, all that remains are a few formalities before we are machine-gunned into our shallow graves. Isn't that nice?

Forget that the Oilers have slapped their logo on every possible bit of swag including a face for a fucking tree(!), wallets which will presumably be empty once they've lifted every possible penny from them, and fan mats so that you too can experience what it's like to walk all over the Oilers like your favourite NHLers! It's so extensive that I skimmed past 'drinkware', swore that it said 'dickwear', and didn't even flinch because the Oilers have no shame. So spare me the holier than thou rant about passionate fans disparaging a symbol of the Oilers' pride because there is no pride left in wearing the Oil drop.

Don't let Jay forget that the City of Champions doesn't even refer to the Oilers' titles but to the fact that during a natural disaster in 1987 the residents of the town had managed to prevent themselves from becoming a smoking hole in the ground, infested with twitchy-eyed, machete-wielding savages. Jay's right that Oilers fans have moved beyond only cheering when the team wins - if only because they never win - because that's a far cry from the fanbase whose attendance fell so low that it almost contributed to the team being relocated. No such worry this time because Darryl Katz is on the job now! He'd never think of moving the Oilers. At least not while Jay is on the case, keeping Oilers fans honest and focused on the bang up job that the Boys On The Bus and their fanboy owner have been doing. And the rest of you can look out because #HereComeTheOilers.