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Canadians: NHL hockey ‘hipper’ under Rogers!

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Wait...what the hell does that even mean?

Looks like everyone got the pink tie memo.
Looks like everyone got the pink tie memo.
Aaron Vincent Elkaim/Getty Images

It's a joyous day at 1 Mt. Pleasant Road. As gleefully reported by Sportsnet, they are totally hip, yo!

According to a survey conducted in December 2014 by  Client Solutions Group, Canadians say Rogers' hockey coverage is "hipper".

When Rogers' personalities are not busy talking hockey, they're doing all the newfangled, hip, Millennial generation things: Twittering 'selfies'; and posting pictures on 'Instagram' of that time 20 years ago they met that hockey guy who died; proving they are totally down with the game, yo!

Unconfirmed reports say they may even listen to Vampire Weekend and eat kale!

Clearly, those who dislike the new Rogers hockey-verse are just a bunch of old cranks who don't like change. Millennials are all over this new Rogers hockey stuff!

Seven percent of respondents gave Rogers a perfect score of 10 when asked to rate how the company is doing as Canada’s new home of NHL hockey, while 38% of respondents gave it a mark between 7-9, with 4% of respondents giving it a "poor" rating.

Wow! Only 4% of Canadians surveyed gave them a poor rating. That means 96% of Canadians think Rogers' hockey coverage is "better than poor".

Wait. What?

4 + 38 + 7 = 49.

Hmmmm.

If my math is right, 51% of respondents aren't actually accounted for in this press release article. But wouldn't that mean...

Overall, Rogers received an average mark of 6.1 out of 10, with Millennials giving it the best overall score (6.5).

Buried in this fantasy of a press release is the harsh reality: Rogers received an average score of only 6.1 out of 10. That's a C- back when I went to high school. And in case you've lived under a rock for the past 15 years and don't know what a "Millennial" is, the story contains a helpful explanation:

Millennials (also known as Generation Y) are the demographic group following Generation X. Researchers and commentators use birth years ranging from the early 1980s to the early 2000s.

Hey, cool, I'm a Millennial! Even though I'm 33 years old! That means I'm still "with it", right?

So does it really matter what the overall picture is as long as they are still 'hip'? After all, they now have the hippest refugee from stodgy old CBC, or as hip people call it, "the Ceeb"; George Stroumboulopoulos, or as hip people call him, "Strombo"!

Surely all those high advertising revenue Millennial viewers love how hip he is!

Hockey Night in Canada host George Stroumboulopoulos is most popular with Millennials, who gave him an average mark of 6.2 out of 10.

Hmmmm.

Millennials rate Strombo at 6.2, and they rate the broadcast overall at 6.5. So doesn't that mean millennials think Strombo is a below average part of the broadcast? That's probably because he is.

So what is going on here?

Perhaps the Rogers-owned publication "Marketing Magazine" will have the answers!

some respondents described the new telecasts as "flashy" and "gimmicky."

You mean having a selection of 15 camera angles to choose while watching a game on your phone/tablet/phablet/phlabtop/laptop isn't adding value? But it sounds so hip!

Someone at Rogers should check out the most liked comment (as of time of writing) on their own Sportsnet story to see the real root of the low grades:

I know I watch more games because of the increased coverage, but because of trying to make hockey "hipper" I watch less pre-game crap and pay less attention at the intermission. I'd prefer hockey people talk hockey instead of a host that Rogers thinks is trendy.

It's something we have said here on PPP over and over: we don't need fancy sets, more cameras, and more banal player interviews. We need more quality, not quantity. I've mostly stopped watching pre-game or intermission content entirely. They have even admitted the content is sometimes contrarian for no reason except to rile people up. They admit they are just entertainers, not journalists.

Well you know what, Rogers? The schmucks here on PPP entertain me way more than Millard, Kypreos, Cherry, and Healy; and they do it all while providing useful, factual analysis too.

But, hey, If you really want to be hip, I'm available to read some new Reimernier fanfic on HNIC.