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From the Branches: Hats on the grass

Baseball has hat tricks? Toronto baseball does!

Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images

Let's get the "poor tanking Tigers" stuff out of the way first. I went to the (unfortunately named) site Bless You Boys to figure out just what the hell was going on, and realized that things are not OK in Detroit. In the words of the poor blogger assigned to watch the game,

The world requires witnesses and today I was witness to Detroit's grim baseball affair. While many people traveled, spent time with loved ones, watched other sports, shopped, exercised, drank beer, went fishing, took a boat ride and took part in any of the endless activities we have created to erase boredom and fill our lives with meaning, I bore witness to the Tigers playing baseball. Though it was difficult, I did not avert my eyes; I fixed my gaze on the abyss.

[Stuff]

Eventually the seventh inning ended and eventually the game itself even stopped happening. The dust settled and the Blue Jays walked away victorious. If you did not watch this game I envy you. It was poorly played, rife with mental errors and Jim Price told me that we Tiger fans should feel disappointed.

Don't you feel for this poor human? I feel for this poor human.

Now that I've shown compassion, I'm going to move on to wallowing in the tears of our enemies.

Blue Jays News

I was totally going to make this section about "famous historic massacres," but my good taste got the better of me.

Edwin Encarnacion hits 3 home runs, has 9 RBI, Jays thump Tigers | BBB

Tigers a mess as Blue Jays roll 15-1 in Toronto | Detroit Free Press

Something truly special happening with these Blue Jays | Sportsnet

Toronto Blue Jays GM Alex Anthopoulos accuses infielder Steve Tolleson of quitting on team | National Post

Blue Jays set tentative plan for Marcus Stroman | Sportsnet

Hockey

It's Kapanen | Never Stop Beliefing
I made a friend who also follows the Solar Bears! This friend wrote about Kapanen.

Red Wings Hire Bryan Campbell as Director of Statistical Analysis and Hockey Administration | WIIM

Who is the National Hockey League’s best goaltender? | TSN

Five Stanley Cup finals matchups we want to see | ESPN
I am team meteor for most of these.

Veteran scout Bob Crocker to receive NHL's Lester Patrick Award | Masslive

Lightning return same group after reaching Final | NHL

The Curious Case of the Coyotes’ John Scott Signing | Today's Slapshot

The Kids Are Alright - The Hurricanes Future at Forward | Canes Country

And if you haven't been following them, go read the A-Zs!