I had a whole thing planned to write this in the style of a fairy tale, I was having fun with it up until the 30 minute mark of the game. Then I didn’t want to finish because it was all a giant goddamn mess. So here’s what we’re going to do.
I’m going to show you clips of the game, you watch them, suffer again, because I don’t know why anyone would want to read a recap of this game. If you watched it you should know better, but if you didn’t well, I warned you in the headline.
Then I’ll grab some tweets and embed them in here, because I’m a lazy millennial* and this is how writing works these days.
*Or not, depends on who you ask. I mean I was able to buy a house and have a full time job with benefits, so I guess that may kick me out of the millennials club.
Here’s this piece of shit game.
Aleksander Barkov broke away from the group on a face off 18 seconds into the game and set the tone. He scored a goal, putting the puck past Frederik Andersen, knocking over Nazem Kadri, in the process.
Colton Sceviour scores after Nikita Zaitsev falls down.
Leo Komarov scores. Yay.
Jonathan Marchessault makes it 3-1.
Marchessault scored again.
Reilly Smith scored.
Nikita Soshnikov then scored, because maybe he didn’t catch a fish today so he was able to still play hockey I guess.
Jussi Jokinen scored, but I thought he retired.
Keith Yandle scored.
Then they stopped scoring and even pulled their goalie for like 10 minutes, but the Leafs still lost 7-2.
Here are some tweets, yes I’m lazy, whatever, I shoved my sidewalk 5 times today and my back hurts.
Rielly: "We came out and didn't do our jobs very well."— James Mirtle (@mirtle) March 15, 2017
Kadri: "It's definitely not acceptable. We're not proud of that performance."— James Mirtle (@mirtle) March 15, 2017
Look, if making the playoffs were easy, the Oilers would have managed it by now.— Phil (@AlsoNamedPhil) March 15, 2017
Was gonna eat some playoff nachos but draft lottery nachos might be nice too— jon (@YakovMironov) March 15, 2017
I like nachos.
Annnnd video editing and done. Before the game is even finished. First time ever.— Steve Dangle Glynn (@Steve_Dangle) March 15, 2017
This is going to be good.
Matt Tkachuk called and asked if I was watching the Leafs game and I said no. He said don't bother. I said okay thanks for calling, Matt.— Boring Sean Monahan (@boringmonahan) March 15, 2017
Matt gave some good advice, but he’s still a shitweasel.
Here's the Leaderboard after R1 of The Greater Florida Open— David Bastl (@DavidBastl) March 15, 2017
JVR -2#TMLTalk pic.twitter.com/OpPrvU7B6d
See, because they fucked around on the gold course today before the game.
Wow. This game killed my laptop.#TMLTalk pic.twitter.com/CczXzoXMqL— Adam (@ElSeldo) March 15, 2017
The next game is Thursday night in Tampa Bay.