Just a little something I felt like writing, I'm really busy with university stuff, but I plan on doing my Mid-Season rankings somewhere around the middle of March, and of course, if anything big comes up in Leaf-Land, you'll hear from me here, and on twitter @theForester26. For now, enjoy this little tidbit.
Disclaimer: This is all not to be taken seriously and a gross exaggeration of events. This is an homage to Leafs Twitter, which this whole article was inspired by, and all the topics were on my timeline at one time or another.
The Toronto Maple Leafs have played 3 games so far and are set to play their fourth game of the year on January 21st against Connor McDavid, Leon Draisaitl, and the Edmonton Oilers. And in advance to that, I thought I should write something on the start of the season.
But, instead of doing the ol' level-headed "what have we learned so far" take, lets kick it into 6th gear and overreact to and overstate everything (or the most pressing things, I guess) that have happened so far.
Let's start out with Nick Robertson, who, in his few minutes on the 4th line, played so well he deserved a spot in the top 6 instantly. The grit and commitment level were unseen from any other Leaf before him.
And then Drake Batherson, who nobody has ever heard of, decided to throw a vicious check against the rookie Robertson, which means that he is now out for 4 weeks, almost a quarter of the season!
And nobody did anything about it! Wayne Simmonds was even on the ice when it happened! This team has no grit and the whole offseason was in vain, Dubas did not deliver at all on what he had promised. On top of that, they lost that game to the Sens and are now officially the worst team in the league.
Next on the list is Auston Matthews.
Buddy, where have you been? One goal in 3 games? I thought you wanted to win the Rocket this year! It had to be that weird offseason training of his that ruined him and made him a lot worse. You say what? I don't care about shot numbers; he's scored one goal for crying out loud!
Oh, and talking about individual players, FREDDERIK ANDERSEN. What is his deal exactly? Does he have to be this bad every first month of the season? I thought it was October Fredie, not I-don't-care-what-month-it-is Freddie!
Jack Campbell played better, and he's supposed to be the backup! Our starting goaltender looked like a bigger Garret Sparks. And not Calder-Cup winner Garret Sparks, 3rd string disaster Garret Sparks! Floating around the crease, the puck is going through his boy half the time, you might as well put the training mannequin there, that might get you some saves!
About conceding goals: judging by that Ottawa game, TJ Brodie might as well play for the Toronto Marlies this season. It seems he's only good when he's lying flat on his stomach. Try Martin Marincin for all I care, he's a big body too, could probably fill that role better with his huge stick, swinging it around on the ice.
Similarly, Jake Muzzin looks off, he chuffed up the puck against Winnipeg, which pretty much directly lead to a goal against, and he hasn't done any of the good stuff from last season, like throwing his body around. He looks ancient in these games, and his extension is just kicking in now? What was Dubas thinking with that?
On the topic of looking ancient, Joe Thornton is soooo slow. He stands around and lets Auston and Mitch do all the dirty work, which means they can't play their normal game, and it's really weighing them down! And then Thornton tries to pass it to the point but just ends up giving the puck away anyway.
He does not look like a good playmaker to me at all!
On Dubas, what happened with the waivers? Thank god Jason Spezza scared all the other GMs off by saying he'd retire if he got claimed, otherwise the Leafs would've lost both him and Aaron Dell.
Why was Aaron Dell important again? Oh yea, he's the third string. Well, it can't be that bad, who's the thir... MICHAEL HUTCHINSON?!?
What are we doing here? He was absolutely awful last year, and got claimed off waivers! What if one of the other two goalies get injured, every Hutchinson game just means an automatic loss! What are we going to do, play the kids? The Marlies need some goaltending too! Why would you even put Dell on waivers, you could've just carried him! Even Steve Simmons said that! And he's got the numbers figured out, he knows what he's talking about with the contracts and cap stuff. Right?