Weekend FTB: Dubas can’t stop, won’t stop

It’s the weekend. It will, once again, be hotter than Kyle Dubas’ phone battery.

Speaking of hot, the many Leafs players are, uh, enjoying themselves this summer and we have the pictures to prove it. IT’S A TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS SWIMSUIT CONTEST!!!

Travis Dermott, the up and comer on the team, got the contest off in style. Well... A style, or at least an ATTEMPT at a style. He gets points for the confidence in showing off his, uh, assets, and for the rubber ducky pattern. He loses it for the cornrows, though Katya might revoke my masthead membership for saying that. SHE CAN WRITE HER OWN OPINION PIECE! I give this a 6.5/10.

After overwhelming support for my new corn rows, I have decided to add not only the corn rows to my permanent wardrobe, but also this new speedo.

A post shared by Travis Dermott (@travisdermott) on Jun 20, 2018 at 6:29pm PDT

The favourite going into this contest had to be one William J Nylander, and he made a huge splash with this bathrobe reveal. He’s got the abs, he’s got some surprisingly impressive facial hair, and he’s got the... assets. His final rating receded as much as his hairline though, I give it an 8/10

BREAKING NEWS: William Nylander wants me dead, for more on this story please tune in @ 6pm EDT pic.twitter.com/M49bzWFBlb
— peri 🤠 (@peritalkshockey) July 5, 2018

Next is the Leafs’ wonder kid, Auston J Matthews. He’s got the lion sleeve tattoo taking up his entire arm. He’s got the bandanna, he’s got at least 8 abs, but the bathing suit leaves us wanting more. 7.5/10.

WILLIAM NYLANDER WHO pic.twitter.com/RPwOMnodfO
— oвечкин (@marnerelo) July 5, 2018

Next up we have Mitchell J Ma-

Always nice to catch up with old friends #devoscoredtheotwinner 💁‍♂️

A post shared by Mitch Marner (@marner_93) on May 20, 2018 at 3:29pm PDT

...oh, Mitchy... no...

Moving on quickly to [BEAMS OF RADIANT LIGHT SHINE FROM THE CHISELED ABS OF A GOLDEN SWEDISH GOD]

Oh, hi Mr Borgman. Didn’t see you there. I’ll give you a rating equal to the number of abs you seem to have, which I’m pretty sure makes it 12/10 and Borgman our winner of the inaugural PPP Big Dick Energy Swimsuit Competition.

Här får man ligga efter träning☀️💦

A post shared by Andreas Borgman (@andreasborgman) on Jul 2, 2018 at 7:14am PDT

Honourary mention goes to Jake Gardiner for this adorable picture of his wedding where he does the most Jake Gardiner-y thing of all time. It’s disqualified for not being in a swimsuit, which WOULD have made the wedding a lot more interesting if you ask me.

What a weekend! Thanks to all of the friends and family that came to celebrate with Lucy and I. I'm a lucky guy! #jakegetsluce

A post shared by Jake Gardiner (@jgardiner272) on Jul 9, 2017 at 2:24pm PDT

Speaking of Swedes, Erik Karlsson has been traded approximately 42 times, only not at all. I’m torn between enjoying seeing the Leafs and Lightning leaving Boston in the dust (or so I tell myself) and being terrified at facing a Hedman-Karlsson pairing. They apparently need another team to help the Lightning clear cap space, and the Sens to get rid of Ryan’s contract.

I’m just waiting to spot Dubas hiding in the bushes, ready to pounce by somehow winding up with Karlsson, all the good prospects, and none of the bad contracts.