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Wednesday’s FTB: Time for a new ranking

It’s August. There’s no hockey worth talking about.

mike isabella Photo by Melina Mara/The Washington Post via Getty Images

It’s August. Nothing’s going on aside from people begging your to read their latest Mitch Marner take, which, nope.

I’ve enjoyed having no hockey worth talking about going on for the past month (I’m looking at you World Junior Summer Showcase), and my mind has been free to roam to other parts of life; like 30-50 feral hogs wandering around playgrounds and the like.

Something I’ve been enjoying has been sandwiches, which are, in my opinion, the perfect food delivery system. It’s got all the food groups all wrapped up into one perfect vehicle of nutrition.

You have your grains - the bun, bread, wrap. You have the veggies, the dairy (cheese is a must have), and the proteins in your meats, spreads, or to a lesser extent, fish.

Since I’m in a good mood I’m going to share with you my top five sandwich list. These are the beauties that could only be messed up on purpose because they’re such classic dishes.

Number Five - The BLT

The BLT is great. Just slap some bacon, lettuce, tomato on some wheat bread, add some mayonnaise to the toasted bread (It must be toasted or the bread gets soggy with tomato juice and bacon grease) and baby you got yourself a sandwich. I like to add some dried chili pepper flakes too for a little spice.

You need to slice a BLT in half diagonally as well, it helps the taste. No, I will not provide evidence.

Number Four - Hamburgers

I love a good burger. I love a burger that is just meat and bun, like the Ron Swanson. I love a wacky burger that you question your sanity for ordering. It’s such a wonderful canvas for the edible arts. I’m not too picky on bun types, but I have to say my top three would be Brioche, Potato, and Pretzel.

Number Three - The Turkey Club

You can make a club sandwich with chicken too, but for me a club sandwich is the best use of turkey breast aside from adding it to a bowl of mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy.

I like a club on multigrain where you have bits of seeds and stuff in the bread. You have lettuce and tomato and bacon on here as well, so a club is a BLT with turkey and more seasoning, but it’s a whole different ball game. I like to use peppercorn bacon to give things a twist and spread some roasted red pepper hummus on one slice of bread and then mayo on the other, with a nice slice of old cheddar on each piece of bread too. Something sharp and a little dry.

If you’re making a club, please, do me a favour and leave that third slice of bread out. It’s empty calories and doesn’t add anything.

Slice the sandwich into four tiny triangles.

Number Two - Chicken Salad

Now you might be saying “Wow Adam, you sure love mayonnaise, and it’s totally uncool to do so because the internet says it’s lame” to which I reply, stop lying to yourself. You can take mayo and add garlic and pretend it’s something else because now it’s called aioli, but come on. Just stop trying to impress Twitter and love yourself.

Anyone who dismisses mayo is just depriving themselves of one of mankind's greatest inventions [editor’s note: PPP welcomes all points of view, even such horrifyingly wrong ones as this]; better than the internet, better than solar panels, better than fire: Chicken. Salad.

It’s the best kind of salad, it’s one of the best kinds of sandwiches, it’s just the best. Take some leftover chicken - or if you’re fancy, chicken you cooked just for this - chop it up nice and small, add in some veggies - I do spinach, celery, peppers, and maybe some broccoli chopped teensy tiny - then the glue to keep it all stuck together. I make my glue out of mayo, BBQ sauce, and hot sauce. Mix it all together then slap it on whatever you have lying around.

Toasted 12 grain bread is my favourite, but I’ll use white, wheat, hot dog buns, tortillas, whatever it takes to get that stuff in my belly.

This is another one you slice diagonally.

Number One - The Meatball Sub

I was struggling to figure out what would go number one, this one or chicken salad, but recency bias gives the Meatball Sub the edge. I made some meatballs on Sunday night and have eaten five subs since then.

It all depends on your meatball of course - mine are made with beef, milk, eggs, chili peppers, and various herbs. The meatball makes or breaks the sandwich. To stick with the basics, when it comes time to eat it, I take a plain sub bun, put a layer of sauce on the bottom, then add meatballs, mozzarella, then more sauce on top and broil that sucker in the oven for five minutes. Let it cool then try not to choke by shoving the whole thing in there at once.

I’ve never had a bad meatball sub. From my high school cafeteria, to fast food chains like Subway to more fancier take out places like California Sandwiches (actually theirs is fair to just okay), the meatball sub is a testament to everything mankind has ever achieved.

Sentimentally it’s my favourite because my oldest has taken a liking to them and requests them more often than tacos now. We’re bonding over meat and bread. It’s great.

Honourable mention goes to peanut butter. It helps me survive the work day since I can eat while I drive . No jam though. Fuck jam.

Those are my favourite sandwiches.

Now, I guess, here’s some hockey links.

I hope not!

Trade!

So did the last 15...

McCowan is making a new radio station? In this economy?

TSN says that Mirtle says that Paul Marner says than his gardener says....

Alright, thanks for reading folks. See you in September.

Poll

What’s the number one sandwich?

This poll is closed

  • 14%
    Meatball
    (29 votes)
  • 1%
    Chicken Salad
    (3 votes)
  • 15%
    BLT
    (31 votes)
  • 16%
    Turkey Club
    (34 votes)
  • 24%
    Hamburger
    (49 votes)
  • 28%
    Other wrong answer.
    (58 votes)
204 votes total Vote Now