> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.pensionplanpuppets.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Play Your Cards Right and You Might Get a Phil Kessel - URL: https://www.pensionplanpuppets.com/play-your-cards-right-and-you/ - Published: 2010-05-08T10:00:42.000Z - Updated: 2010-05-08T10:00:42.000Z - Author: Colin Odneal - Tags: From The Branches, #chorus, #Import 2023-04-05 10:50 If you don't have a Twitter account, then you're a parasitic troglodyte and you really need one. It also means that you missed out on the NHLSexActs hashtag from yesterday. It started with Archi asking what you call it when a smoking hot girl has two butt ugly older sisters. Some suggestions were Cinderella, Third Time's the Charm, Marge Simpson, Gretzky, Fresh Pea in a Rotten Pod, the Baldwin, Bizzarro Meatloaf, and the Gretzky. Then the discussion shifted to the fact that Wayne was the oldest, so it didn't work. Therefore I suggested the Reverse Gretzky, but PPP informed me that that was in fact a sexual position. From there I believe it was archluke who gave us the first use of the #NHLSexActs hashtag: [The Derek Roy:](http://twitter.com/archluke/status/13565049413?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Go down even though she did nothing to warrant it. And from there it snowballed into awesomeness. Here are some of my favorites: [The Marian Hossa:](http://twitter.com/BlackAcesBlog/status/13566087807?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) You keep whoring yourself out and wonder why you never get a ring. [The Patrick Roy:](http://twitter.com/SkinnyFishbowl/status/13566877176?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Perform terribly; don't pull out; throw up your arms in mock celebration; then accuse her of humiliating you. [The Vancouver Canucks Fan:](http://twitter.com/CLundSports/status/13567983118?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Tell the Leaf fan how great you are despite being a virgin that's just overcompensating. [The Pierre McGuire:](http://twitter.com/JaredOfLondon/status/13567503369?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) She compensates for being useless by making loud noises and calling you a monster. [The Lanny McDonald:](http://twitter.com/ericduckman/status/13567100444?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Mustache rides are not optional. [The Senators fan:](http://twitter.com/bruce%5Farthur/status/13566478825?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Something boring, in a motel outside of town. and finally [Montreal'n it: ](http://twitter.com/zyllyx/status/13565914070?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com)Rigorous public masturbation accompanied by an "Ole" chant. [**Who Cares About the World Championships?**](http://www.battleofcali.com/2010/5/7/1462442/who-cares-about-the-world?utm%5Fsource=feedburner&utm%5Fmedium=feed&utm%5Fcampaign=Feed%3A+sportsblogs%2Fbattleofcali+%28Battle+of+California%29) If you can tell me who [Ryan Carter](http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/players/54516/Ryan%5FCarter?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) is, then apparently you're one of the few. [**Reinsdorf out, Ice Edge in?**](http://www.fiveforhowling.com/2010/5/7/1461860/holy-crap-storm-batman-ice-edge?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Internet celebrity Travis Hair gives you the skinny on the [Coyotes](http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/teams/PHO?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) ownership front. [**Flyers live to umm fly another day**](http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/hockey/gagne-saves-flyers-from-elimination/article1561328/?cmpid=rss1&ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) [Simon Gagne](http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/players/55004/Simon%5FGagne?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) pulls a [Marc Savard](http://www.sbnation.com/nhl/players/54906/Marc%5FSavard?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) as he comes back from injury to score the OT winner. [**Germany upsets USA in front of record crowd**](http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/hockey/iihf-germany-upsets-us/article1560937/?cmpid=rss1&ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Is it really an upset with rosters like[ these](http://stats.iihf.com/Hydra/230/IHM230D01%5F54B%5F1%5F0.pdf?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com)? [**Make it 7 might actually happen**](http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=320850&ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Darren Dreger reports that a move to Winnipeg is very possible. [**Was it over when Sidney Crosby bombed Pearl Harbor?**](https://www.pensionplanpuppets.com/nhl-twt/) A look at the unfair criticism given to #87 [**"Canada's Team" - All a bunch of fooey**](http://frozenleafs.com/2010/05/07/canada%E2%80%99s-team%E2%80%A6who-cares/?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Keep the cup in the USofA! [**The Ninth Step: Bo Pro apologizes, sort of, to Rick Zombo**](http://www.blogesalming.com/2010/05/httpwww%5F07.html?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) Bloge Salming brings you the first video in a new series. [**Two goalies both under the microscope**](http://vintageleafmemories.blogspot.com/2010/05/roberto-luongo-and-ex-leaf-tuukka-rask.html?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) VLM writes about how Bobby Lu and Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukka Rask are both under the spotlight. [**Wendel Clark summarized in two photos**](http://vintageleafs.blogspot.com/2010/05/wendel-clark-summarized-in-just-2.html?ref=pensionplanpuppets.com) The only thing lacking is a color photo to show all the blood.