One day, oh, months ago, I got up, read the news of the world and posted a comment in the FTB: "I read the news today, oh boy."

I keep hearing that song in my head, which beats the hell out of all those Christmas carols we used to sing in school when I was a kid. I've got them memorized now.

Five Golden Rings!

But I know the news today, oh boy, has affected me greatly. I have no patience for conspiracy theories, even in jest, or fantasy worlds about hockey curses or the persecution complex behind the everyone is out to get the Leafs. This is way, way too close to the things, oh boy, that are in the news.

I know that what I've done is reach out and grab onto cold hard reality, and I just ignore my freezing hands. It might not be as comforting as a fantasy world, but it is at least real.

And then the Leafs roll up and bring "shit the bed" to new heights. They have poured their hearts and souls into shitting the bed. Brad Treliving has absolutely found some five-star bed shitters and put Craig Berube in charge of directing the best way to shit the aforementioned bed en masse.

Boy have they responded!

But I read the news today, oh boy. It's hard to talk about this stuff in that cold and realistic and necessary way particularly when those carols are ringing out everywhere. It's easy to rage and blame and demand an authoritarian solution no matter the season.

This is how it works. One strong man is the leader, and he's the captain of the team. Heap vitriol on him in the most dehumanizing language you can think up or just relentlessly criticize him, whichever suits your personality.

If that doesn't work, and he isn't replaced, go for the coach. He's the one strong man who is supposed to lead. Heap vitriol, and etc.

If that doesn't work, and the GM won't fire the coach, then he's the one strong man in charge, and he should be fired for not firing the other guy. Vitriol, etc.

If that doesn't work, then find a guy with a corporate title and demand he fire the GM because he won't fire the other guy who wouldn't rip the C of that loser of a Captain. Vitriol.

If that doesn't work, then pick the biggest shareholder of the corporation that owns the team and demand that they as an entity, without human form but the rights of a person, fire the guy who won't fire the GM because he didn't fire the coach who won't just make the players play better by the sheer force of his will.

It is true that players and coaches and GMs and especially guys with corporate titles talk in clichés and vague platitudes. But what they've all been actually saying is that they are all collectively responsible.

Here's a platitude: Don't look to fix blame, look to fix the problem.

Wait! I know "fire the coach" seems like it fixes the problem, but it's a thing to do for the sake of being seen to do a thing. In the NHL, teams like to wait for a big ugly loss and then fire the coach they've already decided to fire. And fans pop the popcorn and hope for that to happen.

Maybe the coach needs to be changed, but as a big dramatic crescendo in a televised drama of humiliation complete with an outpouring of vitriol etc., all in the name of emotional catharsis, well that makes me think of a certain TV show of years gone by, and I read the news today, oh boy.

A strong-minded leadership team – not one GM, one corporate guy, one team owner, but the unsimplified reality of the much larger collective group that are responsible for a complex system – would be seeking collaborative solutions all down the hierarchy. They'd try unexpected things – like grabbing three guys on waivers, and hitting the jackpot with one or bringing back the five forward power play.

They wouldn't look to some big dramatic reality TV show destructorama of a teardown. It's emotionally safe because the big strong man in charge is signaling that you should abandon all hope. It's better to just give up. That's the strong man's job, to simplify the world for you. Just give in and you'll feel better.

A strong management group would not care about drama or catharsis, they would think, rightly, that giving up is the problem on the ice, and they should be very disinclined to join in. It's hard, though, not to give in, and end up fixing blame and forgetting the problems or any responsibility for them.

All that is great and all as principles, but how do you take the non-authoritarian approach to a group of people, about whom you just want to say, "Why are you like this?" Maybe someone should get to the bottom of why they are, indeed, like that.

I don't think there is a simple answer or even one major problem. I stopped thinking that in the playoffs last year and in the regular season of the year before.

Three coaching staffs, all with very different public-facing personas. Three GMs (four if you want to count Mark Hunter), all even more diverse. A lot of roster turnover, and a current roster that requires you to have forgotten entirely the defence corps of years past to think it is just the worst.

But I hesitate to discuss this. I said that already. Because none of it is very cheerful or comforting. Hashtag Fire the Coach is a nice simple answer that leaves halos over the heads of all the fun players we like. It leaves open the idea of quick and decisive change. It makes it seem like they aren't like this, it's just a series of unfortunate events they found themselves in and don't know how to get out of. Much like the defensive zone.

I keep not posting a series of charts I looked at. You know me, always wanting facts. You can go to Moneypuck and look at them yourself, so you don't have to see them in the low-contrast dark mode I'll give you.

The story from the standings is that in the most recent set of games, the Leafs have won a lot more, and they have crawled up the standings a bit. So they're better.

The story of the charts is: are they better at five-on-five Expected Goals differential? Nope, worse. All-Situations? Nope, much worse. Uh... Expected Goals Against? Nope, worse. Expected Goals For? Guess.

Goals Against are lower. That's it, that's the entire reason for the seasonal upswing.

And that's what I keep not saying.

There has been no change, and change is required for it to matter at all what the management group does, be they a bunch of believers in the one strong man ideology or slightly more grounded in how humans actually relate to each other successfully.

Fire the coach, and this time it'll be different. Hey, it totally could. It worked for the Oilers. Eventually. Briefly.

I read the sports section today, oh boy.