Joseph Cotton is about to find out how things get done downtown. Attaboy!

The sign on the frosted glass says 'Brian Burke - Private Detective'. That's me, BB - the sharp harp. Kidnapping, extortion, missing persons, fixing problems - you name it, it's my entire bag.

References? Remember when that kid Nazem was about to fall into the clutches of those schmoes up in Ottawa? You're looking at the wise guy that came through. Problem - them young shavers in Blue and White were getting pushed around by the souses and the chumps of this world. Solution - In steps ole' Knuckles Burkie with the meanest back line this side of a Hells Angels reunion and let me tell you, we're going to paint the Devil on the wall in this town.

It's not all success, I admit. I never did crack the case of that missing pat of butter, name of Stempniak. You don't win 'em all is this game.

You came here for the word on the street, right? You came to the right place - but this kinda knowledge is gonna cost you some serious green, mulemouth. Pour yourself a drink; I keep a bottle of Four Roses in that filing cabinet for strictly non-medicinal purposes.

  • You heard of this boy Kessel? He's been stirring up some noise out east and I gotta say, I want me a slice of that action. TSM takes a look at how it might all shake out.
  • The Fanhouse had the same idea, but they sweetened their honey pot with some contraband words on Gustavsson. What? No - North Dakota, I think. Yeah, Fargo country. What am I, some kinda putz Geography teacher?
  • Looks like those hoods down in Nashville are in for Kessel too. Might be time for me to send my boy Orr down to Dixie to massage a few gums with a car jack. If you get my meaning.
  • Business as been good here, we're upgrading the staff. TSM let's you know who to contact. (Not so sure about the picture with the dames. But whaddaya gonna do?)
  • Local face Toronto Mike wants it known what he's thinking on the roster for camp.
  • Now then, my old sparring partner Tie Domi has been talking to The Hockey News. Talk much and say nothing - that's the wiseguy way. You could learn a thing or two from him, flatfoot.
  • They're telling me Hot Wheels Heatley finally ran out of leverage in Palookaville and skipped town. Silver Seven and Fear the Fin have the local reaction - background chatter provided by The Fanhouse and Puck Daddy./