clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

From the Branches: Battle of Ontario, Chapter 3

New, comments

This time it’s in an NHL arena!

NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs at Ottawa Senators
“Hey Auston, remember that time we embarrassed an AHL team?”
Marc DesRosiers-USA TODAY Sports

Hi, I’m brigstew. You might remember from such memes as when I replyfail all the time. I am probably the least knowledgeable person now in the PPP masthead, but what I lack in knowledge I make for in grit, effort, and silly photoshopped gifs and images involving cats, London Knights head coaches, Phil Kessel, and all our current and most beloved Maple Leafs.

Also, I say fuck [insert player or team I don’t like] a lot. Today’s [subject] du jour is Chris Neil.

Ahem...

Fuck Chris Neil!

Introductions out of the way, let’s get to the links.

Leafs Stuff

My first FTB, and it’s a game day. Not just any game day, but a Battle of Ontario game day where the Leafs play the Senators, which has me pretty peeved. I mean the Leafs have already played so few games compared to the rest of the league and just came off their bye week, and now the NHL thinks it’s a good time for them to play an exhibition game vs an AHL team? Come on, Gary!

Anyways, Go Leafs Go! Buds All Day! Fuck Chris Neil! and all that good stuff.

Buy or Sell: What should the Leafs do at the Trade Deadline?

Fiddy thinks the Leafs should go all in!

...on selling Roman Polak.

I’m not 100% sure, but I believe he also thinks they should trade for fuck Chris Neil.

Fantastical Furies Festivities! - Fulemin, Nafio, and Annie all went to the Furies game and share their thoughts on fuck Chris Neil what they saw. What they took away from the game most of all was: Natalie Spooner, Natalie Spooner, Natalie Spooner.

Q and A with James Mirtle: On the Leafs, Toronto sports media, and The Athletic

Andrew Antsey of Blue Steam Hockey interviews James Mirtle. He touches on dealing with social media, fuck Chris Neil, how it was to interact with Brian Burke as a journalist covering the team, and his move to The Athletic.

The Athletic - Down Goes Brown: Auston Matthews pens a letter to his younger self

From Down Goes Brown, so you know it’s good. I especially like fuck the paragraph where Matthews shouted “FUCK CHRIS NEIL!” over and over.

Baby Leafs

The Marlies are in tough. They’re last in the division, Kapanen’s out for a while with an injury, and Friday night they started a stretch of 6 games in 9 days. They could use some reinforcements.

BY GOD! THAT’S LAMOIRELLO’S MUSIC!

Seth Griffith was claimed (again) off waivers by the Leafs and sent immediately to the Marlies.

Seth is back. Back again. Seth is back. Tell a friend. Seth is back. Seth is back. Fuck Chris Neil. Seth is back...

Toronto Marlies beat Hartford Wolf Pack 7-4.

Griffith wasn’t able to join the Marlies in time for their first game on their hellish stretch, so of course they won 7-4 despite all their problems! Andrew Nielsen led the way with 2 goals and assist, and Katya states a strong case that he should be the one the Leafs call up to replace Rielly in telling Chris Neil to go fuck himself.

Around The NHL

The Ottawa Senators share touching stories of what Chris Neil means to them as a teammate.

I share the sentiment.

Boston falls to Chicago 1-0, meaning the Leafs now just two points back of the Bruins with six games in hand.

Don’t worry though, Boston, Leo’s here to console you for the good effort.

Also, fuck the Bruins. #firejulien

Pens Demolish Canes 7-1, Win 3rd Straight

The Metro Division is truly horrifying, but the upside of it is we can probably look forward to another Pens-Caps series sometime in the playoffs. This game also featured Cam Ward going all Carey Price on Hornqvist with his blocker, which is weird because fuck Chris Neil and Emelin isn’t even on Carolina let alone at the game to push Hornqvist into Ward.

Henrik Sedin also recorded his 1000th NHL point on long-time teammate Roberto Luongo, who went out to congratulate him. Good for him!

Last but not least, noted piece of shit and Chris Neil’s equally piece of shit clone Matt Hendricks straight up elbowed global treasure P.K. Subban in the head in his first game back from injury. I suspect that the league will come down harshly on Hendricks for this blatant attempt to injure a star player and take his XBox away from him for a FULL HOUR! Here’s the hit

Brigstew’s Fantasy Hockey Advice of the Day

First, never trust scrambles for goalie advice.

Second, based on the tried and true method of doing the complete opposite of whatever I do to succeed, here are the following players you should not start because they’re on my team and WILL be starting tonight: McDavid, Matthews, Jordan Staal, fuck Chris Neil, Rakell, Simmonds, Niederreiter, Werenski, Muzzin, and Trouba. You’ve all been warned.

z