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From the Branches: Proof the Maple Leafs are bad for your health

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We all knew that, but now science says so.

Toronto Maple Leafs v Winnipeg Jets Photo by Jason Halstead /Getty Images

There is now scientific evidence that the Toronto Maple Leafs are trying to kill us, and for that, we have two teenage girls from Montreal to thank.

Leia Khairy and Roxana Barin came up with the idea to study the heart rates of hockey fans watching a game, simultaneously contributing to the greater good of human knowledge and winning the coveted prize of Most Canadian Scientific Study Ever. It’s a neat article, although I’d ideally like to see a larger subject pool than 20 Habs fans. I guarantee you, the Leafs are trying even harder to give all of us heart attacks, thereby making Leafs fans the perfect fanbase to survey. I’d happily volunteer as a research subject, if I was compensated appropriately (with chocolate and/or beer).

There were also quite a few games last night, and then there was whatever the hell Penguins vs Blackhawks turned into (“game” seems wrong. Perhaps, drubbing? Thrashing? Complete annihilation?). The Blackhawks won, 10-1. I’m sure Penguins fans are taking this very calmly and rationally; meanwhile, I’m whistling on my way to work this morning.

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