clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Wednesday’s FTB: Sponsor everything

This post is brought to you by Let’s™ potato chips. Remember: Get your damn hands off my Let’s™.

If you buy something from an SB Nation link, Vox Media may earn a commission. See our ethics statement.

TORONTO LIFE SQUARE - 07/22/09 - TORONTO - The Toronto Life Square building, on the northeast corner Photo by Jim Rankin/Toronto Star via Getty Images

Good morning fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs™ presented by Scotiabank™! Last night I was drinking a delicious can of Slurm™ and eating a scrumptious pie from Pizza Planet™ while putting together a great bunch of news and links for you to read while you eat your healthy breakfast of Little Powdered Donuts™ and a big old bowl of Colon Blow™.

I was surfing the net and came across an article from the Daily Bugle™ about how the NHL™ is selling the naming rights to the new divisions?

That’s crazy. So I picked up my Valentine™ cellphone and called my buddy who was working at Mooby’s™ and told him about it. I was all “What if they put logos on the players next?” and he was all “Dude, they did. Check the Toronto Maple Leafs™ Twitter™ feed”

I couldn’t believe that those beautiful blue helmets would be marred by a white logo. No, not the big CCM™ logo on the front. The other one. At least they didn’t put the logo on the jersey, besides the Adidas™ logo that is.

I would never buy a jersey with a logo on it. Unless it’s the Fanatics™ logo on the bottom left of the front of the jersey. Sorry, I’m repeating myself, I already discussed my feelings about this.

In other news yesterday, I saw a tweet that just warmed my heart like a Fluffy Puff Marshmallow™ floating in a sea of Central Perk™ hot coco.

A good question was posed. How many Toronto Maple Leafs™ will be on top of this list? Find out on EPSN 8: The Ocho™.

Denis Malgin was put on waivers by the Leafs™ yesterday. We’ll see if he clears or has to hop on an Oceanic Airlines™ flight back to North America to suit up for the Ottawa Senators™.

It was also day two of “Why Everyone Else in the Scotia NHL® North Division is bad” week. We focused all of our hatred on the former Atlanta Flames™ team.

Speaking of former Atlanta teams, the Winnipeg Jets* have yet to trade Patrick Laine, even though that is the only thing he wants in the world. That segue was brought to you by Segway™. Segway™ when you need to segue choose Segway™!

Maple Leafs™ training camp presented by Booty Sweat energy drink™ continued on:

Centre of Leafs Nation™ had some thoughts on the upcoming season, aside from how much Dapper Dan Pomade™ this team will need with all their sick flows.

The gold medal game between Hockey Canada™ and USA Hockey™ was last night, so I fired up the old Corn Baller™ and grabbed a bag of Sabor De Soledad™ cheese puffs, a six pack of Alamo™ to watch the festivities. It was a great game full of tight plays, crazy antics, and other adjectives that show I didn’t write this before the first period ended.

Crazy that [country] defeated [country] by [score]!

After that crazy game I needed a stiff Flaming Moe™ to relax me.

Colin Wilson, drafted by the Nashville Predators™ by using a pick from the Maple Leafs™, retired yesterday after 11 NHL™ seasons.

If you need a laugh:

Today in our “Suck it Lesser Canada” series, our focus moves to the Siberia of Canada, Edmonton. Home to a mall, and....another mall inside that mall.

Maple Leafs camp will continue, we’ll get more tweets from camp which I hope are just as adorable as today’s about Jimmy Vesey being a wee child watching team mate Joe Thornton play.

Enjoy your day today folks. I’ll be out delivering boxes of Nike Mags 2015™ and Bachelor Chow™, so keep an eye out for any news I missed.