That's right kind folk of the Barilkosphere, it's opposite day here at PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries. Why undertake such a Ben Onerous task, you might say? Frankly, we've been looking forwards and doing things the right way for coming on for four weeks now and the results have been.....disappointing. So let's shake things up!

Henceforth, the following rules apply: The Toronto Maple Leafs currently stand astride the Northeast division, unbeaten in their first seven games - their 1.000 win percentage the envy of the Western world. Jason Blake (who does not suck...or does he...I've confused myself now) is streaking towards his third consecutive Hart and Rocket Richard successes. The Canadiens forward line continues to terrorise the league with their old style, knuckle swapping brand of hockey. A soberly dressed Don Cherry made a reasonable point about Alexei Ponikarovsky - in which he pronounced the Ukrainians name correctly. Twice. Upon which, Ron MacLean punched him to the floor.

PPP certainly doesn't make tearful phone calls in the small hours to Brian Burke, wondering why Antropov won't come back. The people of Vancouver realise they live in a beautiful city of their own and continue to focus internal issues. Ron Wilson shares a cheeky glass of Chardonnay with Howard Berger in front of an open fire.

The Leafs will beat Vancouver tonight. And the svelte, boyish figure of Kyle Wellwood won't score the winner in overtime. Please please please.