Randy Carlyle is in the news! A year and a half after being fired by the Maple Leafs on The Epiphany for no discernible reason, Carlyle is now the big name on the NHL coaching market. And why shouldn't he be? He won a Norris trophy in 1981! He had a third place vote for the Jack Adams trophy after being fired! He even once coached a rag tag pee-wee team who knew almost nothing about hockey all the way to winning the Stanley Cup! Or am I getting him confused with someone else there?

The point is such an experienced and proven winner will no doubt have his pick of assignment. So where should he go?

Ottawa Senators

The Senators fired Coach Dave Cameron after a disappointing season where they missed the playoffs. World renowned hockey mind, and team owner, Eugene Melnyk called some of Cameron's decisions "stupid".

Cameron was the sixth coach of the team since the Senators lost in the Stanley Cup Final (to Randy Carlyle) 9 years ago. Other recent fired Senators coaches include Craig Hartsburg, who lasted only 48 games, and a bug-eyed fat walrus.

Surely Carlyle will make the seventh time the charm.



Calgary Flames

The Flames fired head coach Bob Hartley only one season after he won the Jack Adams Award for allegedly being the best coach in the NHL. Some have suggested he took the Flames as far as his skills were able, and it was indeed time for a new coach.

I think it's more likely Brian Burke did it in a fit of anger after losing the draft lottery again, and pounding back a fifth of whisky, and renting a barn.



Anaheim Ducks

The Ducks fired head coach Bruce Boudreau because Bob Murray is a bad GM and screwed up the team and someone had to take the blame even if it was the coach with a solid winning record.

Carlyle was hired as coach of the (Mighty) Ducks in 2005. As we all know his team won the Stanley Cup in 2008, defeating the Senators. And while the entire world of hockey is grateful for the Ducks preventing the SNES from winning their first ever Cup, and their fans becoming horribly insufferable as a result, it's well documented he had fuck all to do with that win. It was a team with an incredible line up of perennial NHL All-Stars, and, now, Hall of Fame inductees.

When he was fired in 2012, it was basically because the players mutinied and threw him out the door of the Honda Center, tired of his bullshit.


  • Nothing other than the entertainment of making the heads explode of every player and fan of the Ducks/


So where should Carlyle go?


Which team should Carlyle coach?

The Senators158
The Flames64
The Ducks51
Keep him out of work until Therrien is fired because LOL that will be fantastic.292