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An open letter to Kyle Dubas

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People want you to change things up Kyle, there’s nothing more anti-establishment than this.

Toronto Marlies mascot Duke Christian Bonin

Attention: Kyle Dubas, General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club
Air Canada Centre
15 York Street
Toronto, ON

Good morning Mr. Dubas,

I’m writing to put forward my name for consideration for the open position of General Manager, Toronto Marlies Hockey Club. With your recent promotion to General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, I’m sure your focus will now be on the NHL and not the AHL. You need someone with proven management experience, experience working for a billion dollar company, and someone who wants to see the best possible product on the ice. I hold all three of these qualities and a few more that can make me the best candidate you could hire, and I’ll break them down into easy points for your busy day.

Management Experience

In the past I was a manager in a fast paced broadcasting environment, watching over 25 people – just enough to ice a hockey team with. I recruited and hired people, I made disciplinary actions, and reviewed employee growth and set goals for them. There were three things we preached to our employees that I think should be the focus for the Toronto Marlies:

1) Respect for the customer

Marlies fans are hardcore hockey fans who want to be entertained on the ice. We are looking to keep the tradition of high placing, high energy, and highly skilled teams you established during your tenure. Marlies fans are not NHL fans who want to be at a Maple Leafs game because it’s the cool thing, or to brag to their friends. They’re at an AHL game to watch hockey, not a spectacle.

2) Communication

Always tell people what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and why. I have a set routine of meeting with my superiors once a week to go over progress reports and highlight troubled areas. This is a habit I established as a project manager, and found it to be a great way to keep those too busy to get into the nitty-gritty of things informed about progress and trouble spots. Daily status emails as well are always a good idea. Communication is also important with those outside the office, and anyone we work with needs a quick response, even if it’s a ‘I’ll get back to you’ it’s a sign of respect we must show those we work with. I’ll bring this discipline with me to the Marlies.

3) Develop people so they leave

The job first and foremost is to provide the Maple Leafs with high quality players. I was taught to manage by developing people so they would grow out of their roles and move up in the company, even if that means losing a high quality employee. The AHL is an entry level position, and I want to grow those entry level players out of the AHL and onto an NHL roster – be it the Maple Leafs or to another team via a trade.

Corporate Experience

I’ve work for small local businesses with 10 people and giant multi-national companies with offices around the world. I know what it takes to get things done on a small team like the Marlies, as well as in a giant corporation like Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment. I know the budget intricacies of a small business where every dollar counts, and mistakes can’t be made. People have said you’re too young to be in charge of a franchise like the Maple Leafs. Pish posh to this I say! When I was your age I was running a team that was in charge of $100,000,000 worth of contracts in one of the largest media companies in the country. Please overlook that I’m now a blogger, it’s not my fault I swear it’s corporate politics. Under my iron fist, we reduced errors greatly and changed contracts turnaround from weeks to hours. That’s the corporate efficiency Larry Tannenbaum and Misters Rogers and Bell would love to see! Speaking of things Bell and Rogers love, you know those banner ads that appear on television during a show? I helped create the process to bill those so efficiently that in the first year of my system we sold over $2,000,000 of them! Viewers hate them, but you can’t DVR past them, so suck it viewers. High value brands are also my friends as I was one of the people who helped launch the Disney Channels in Canada. If Disney can trust me, there’s no reason for MLSE to be hesitant to bring me aboard. Aside from the getting fired thing.

Passion for Hockey

I’ve documented my love for hockey many times on this website. I’ve traveled all over watching hockey games, from the Atom level to the International level. I’ve spent vacation time from work at tournaments like the IIHF U18 World Women’s Championships and the CHL Memorial Cup, travelling at my own expense to cover these events and share my passion with millions hundreds of thousands a few dedicated and loyal readers. In case you’re worried about me not being a ‘Hockey Man™’ I’ve played the game for over 10 years, and have won several championships and individual awards for my skill (citation needed).


Mr. Dubas, Kyle, I’m your next Marlies GM. I’m loyal to a fault (I once skipped my wife’s birthday party to pick up an extra shift while we were dating), I’m passionate about the game (I probably got fired from my last job for blogging too much), and I have plenty of experience working with Brock university students (I once threatened to stab one while working at a pizza place next to the bars they frequent on weekends). I’m the experienced, fresh faced candidate you’re looking for. You’re seen as an outsider from the usual hires made by NHL teams, let’s keep up that tradition by selecting someone new and exciting to fill your shoes.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your call,

-seldo

(Sorry if you were the student I tried to stab, but you know what drunk Brock students are like. I was justified.)