The 107th NHL season begins soon and now that I have woken up from my hockey hibernation, I took look around the league. Somethings I saw upset me, some made me laugh. So, let's do a quick thought for all of the teams.
You were awful last season and didn't get Conor Bedard, but don't worry, you'll be awful this season and not get Conor Bedard either - consistency!
You don't deserve the fans you have.
A record setting season was capped off with an amazing playoff upset, and losing your top two centers, only one way to go from there: down.
For real, THIS is the year the rebuild ends....maybe.
I'm not sure how to feel about you, but it's probably not good.
This bunch of jerks took Michael Bunting and I hope you've practiced your penalty kill.
I hope the NHL got the cookie bouquet you sent them for fixing the draft lottery, I mean what timing!
You recently won a cup, and I do not feel bad for your loss of Gabriel Landeskog.
Columbus Blue Jackets
I hope your season is as eventful as your pre-season.
Anyone can forget about the Dallas Stars, tucked all the way down there.
Detroit Red Wings
While I never wish anything good for divisional rivals, it would be funny if your rebuild ended before Buffalo's.
I used to make jokes about wasting Connor McDavid's time there but my house has recently turned to glass so, uh, keep up the good work!
I do not like you and I hope your playoff run made your team too tired to bother this year.
Los Angeles Kings
They are the fifth most popular team in Los Angeles, third in their own arena, so good luck guys.
I haven't liked you since your stupid owner cost me a job, and I never will.
Can the ghosts of the forum finally make the move to the Bell Centre, or are they still hanging out in the mall food court that was once their dressing room?
I can't get over your ugly yellow helmets enough to pay attention to anything else you do.
New Jersey Devils
Will we see a huge losing streak or winning streak to open the season?
New York Islanders
How many babies are being conceived in your new arena's parking lot?
New York Rangers
This spring is the 30th anniversary of their last Stanley Cup victory and I'm already sick of hearing about it.
I really, really, really, really, hate how well Michael Andlauer is going to run this team.
You still exist, eh?
Boooo! Glasses man bad!
San Jose Sharks
A baffling team making baffling moves without direction.
St. Louis Blues
It would be time to start the rebuild but my God look at all those 30+ players with 5+ year deals.
Tampa Bay Lightning
I'm not sure making your franchise player and captain angry is a good way to start the season.
Hey, at least Jim Benning is still gone, right?
Just going to focus on Ovechkin's chase of the goal record, and maybe make the playoffs along the way?
You will never have my respect, no matter what you do.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Be good, for the love of god please be good.
And now some short news for a long weekend.
Now is the perfect time to panic after Ilya Samsonov left practice early.
This article is paywalled but a note to take away: Possible no names to start the season?
5:45PM on the Saturday of a long weekend is a very, very, odd time for a announcement.
I love a good sports story.
Alright folks, enjoy your day!