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From the Branches: Lou Lamoriello wishes us success

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No, really, that’s what he said.

2017 NHL Draft - Round One Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

Sportsnet ran an article talking to Lou Lamoriello about how he feels about the Maple Leafs as a franchise in the wake of the John Tavares signing, and the headline alone was enough to make me snort-laugh into my drink.

When it comes to them, I hope they enjoy all the success in the world … except when they play the New York Islanders.

While these Lamoriello quotes on how the Maple Leafs are doing aren’t interesting in and of themselves—I would expect nothing less from the man who ran this hockey franchise with a leak policy straight off a WWII propaganda poster—there’s something about the carefully considered politesse of these replies that also makes me imagine activities Lou might have been doing while giving this interview:

  • Sharpening a comically large knife
  • Looking the interviewer dead in the eye while making a dismissive wanking motion
  • Eating a cannoli, again while maintaining full and unnerving eye contact
  • Tapping the famed Loubar against his palm
  • Sleeping. He’s so used to dealing with this sort of thing, he can literally do it in his sleep.

Meanwhile, In Russia:

Of course it was. Moving on, have some links to begin your week:

Ennis signs with Leafs: ‘I have a chip on my shoulder and I want to prove a lot of people wrong’ | Ottawa Sun
Centre, right wing or left wing.Tyler Ennis isn't much concerned with where he might fit into the Maple Leafs' plans in 2018-19.

Offseason Metropolitan Division Snapshot: A Week After Free Agency Frenzy - All About The Jersey
In this special offseason Metropolitan Division snapshot, the other seven teams and their offseason activities are reviewed to see if anyone really became better or worse a week after Free Agency Frenzy. Surprisingly, nobody really made any big strides in the division. That may be good news for the New Jersey Devils, who have been largely idle in this offseason.

Celebrate the Toronto Marlies Calder Cup with PPP and the Bobblehead Hall of Fame - Pension Plan Puppets
Who doesn’t love contests?

The leagues of Europe and their relative competitiveness: 2018 rankings - Eyes On The Prize
Revisiting the initial rankings from 2015, with a few different analyses to find the top teams as well.

There’s very little happening in hockey right now, and Brigstew beat me to the bathing suit pictures. Go Leafs Go.